u5ername Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Had a little issue with the bf last night (of about 6mos.). He doesn't live with me, but stays over often. He had a horrible day, and had his daughter, so I played with her while he took a nap. Then he woke up and took her home, came back over and we watch tv for some time then decided to go to bed. We are in bed, and he starts to be affectionate...I am affectionate back, then kiss him and say goodnight. I was assuming he was so tired he couldn't even play with his daughter who he doesnt see often, that sex was really not happening that night. Well, I was wrong. He says to me, I had a horrible day and a ll I wanted was a little booty. Collects his things, slams my door and haven't heard from him since. Mind you, we have a good sex life. When his daughter is not around we practically have sex 1-3 times a day. I know he had a bad day but My God!! Do I fight this battle or let it go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
socks1w Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Let it go.Hes just being a baby.He'll probably forget about it soon.Dont make a big deal out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Hi there, I would tell him his actions made you feel horrible and next time he wants something, do not beat around the bush....just ASK! It is important to let the other person know when he/she upset you otherwise, it will just fester causing resentments to build up. It is not really a battle, just tell him out his actions made you feel and how can it be avoided in the future. Keep the lines of communication open. Good luck. P.S. I would not bring up the fact you watched his daughter and whatnot. Just tell him how HE made you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meow18 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 You both had some miscommunication. He shouldn't have slammed the door and left, but I don't think either of you are at fault. It's kind of alarming to me that you and him have sex 1-3 times a day. In ways that's not healthy because it doesn't give you much time for other things. And it sort of makes it seem like your relationship would be no where without the sex. But that's none of my business. In my opinion, you need to spend time developing good communication in your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Hey there, I just read your thread on August 25th and some things alarmed me, such as his drinking problem, financial difficulties, possessivess and controlling behavior. I am little worried him slamming the door on your face because you did not have sex is controlling and manipulative. And you minded his daughter while he napped? I would be very careful with this one, some red flags here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
u5ername Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 i appreaciate all your comments. I sent him a text that said, "I'm sorry for disappointing you last night. But Leaving like you did upset me. I hope your having a better day, but if not I suggest we each do our own thing tonight". I wrote that because we both had plans to go out with seprate friends tonight, then meet up later...this might involve alcohol...which might involve an argument sooo... Anyway his reply was - go do your own thing tonight, thats what you wanted anyway. I don't need this... it's so hard for me not reply!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
socks1w Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Dont reply itll only make it worse. Hes egging you on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
u5ername Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 kellbell...yes. you are right. red flags all over the place. there is an argument just as ridiculous as this one atleast once a week..or two weeks. I'm starting to think - to him i'm the right girl for right now and we have lots of sex so that keeps him happy. but there is a kid involved and i have to be careful... i may need to start thinking of an exit strategy. I'm already attached to the kid...and her to I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 "to him i'm the right girl for right now and we have lots of sex so that keeps him happy." See, this statement is a bit worrisome to me. What about you? What about your happiness? It sounds like to me you are walking on eggshells to keep him happy and that is no way to go. I really think you did not have to apologize in your text because that shows him he is able to treat you how he wants to and you will still apologize. I am very worried about where this relationship is going. Perhaps take a look at this article and see what you think... link removed It is the article on identifying a "loser" in a relationship. Look on the bottom of the page and you will see "articles" Click on the one about "losers" on the left-hand side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whatchamacallit Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I was in a relationship like this. And, this is controlling behavior! A HUGE RED FLAG! As hard as it is, you need to "dodge this bullet"! I didn't see the controlling behavior because love has a way of blinding you. But, all the red flags were there. You can either have pain now with letting him go. Or later, in a relationship that is unhealthy and very miserable for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayar Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I wouldn't tolerate being with a guy who leaves because I won't have sex with him ANY DAY, ANY WEEK, of ANY MONTH, of ANY YEAR, of ANY LIFETIME! It's one thing for him to say "awww... I had SUCH a bad day, you know what would make me feel better?" It's quite another for him to treat you like a prostitute. Just about the only thing he didn't do was ask for a refund... He's acting like he takes you for granted, and he obviously isn't anywhere NEAR on the same wavelength when it comes to this relationship as you are. If you feel like he thinks you're his "Mrs. Right NOW" then you're probably right. Trust your gut. I wish I had a long time ago too. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
u5ername Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 wow...that is a great article...I'm going to print & Read the whole thing... there were MANY items on that list of red flags. TOO MANY. The article outlines an exit strategy too. worst part about that is starting all over again.... but I just can't get too deep in this b/c he has a daughter & a baby mam that i just have had the hardest time accepting.. am i wasting my time?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Hey there my friend, You are wasting your time when deep down your intuition is telling you that the situation you are in is bad and you need to get out...and ignoring it. When you know you deserve more and better but you settle instead. When you know you could be happier but stay out of fear of being alone, pity and guilt. All of that is wasting your time and the other person's as well. You both have not been dating THAT long and I have a bad feeling your BF is using you on many levels. I truly hope you feel better soon and that things will work out. Let us know how you are doing. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meow18 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I agree with Kellbell here. This guy is bad news. It seems like you already know the answer to your question. You are wasting your time. I mean, you might love him and maybe he loves you. But there are too many things that are in the way of you both being happily together. It seems like a lot of this relationship is about what will make him happy and what he wants. When he said all he wanted was some booty because he had a bad day and then stormed out.. well, that would make me upset. Not just because of the way he handled it, but because I would hope that my boyfriend would find it relaxing enough to just lay with me or something.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
u5ername Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 I'm heraing all of you...and the fact that I agree with most of what you say should clue me in. His last text to me was "you are horrible at any kind of comfort". I know that is not true, but it still upset me. Unreal...he can go from Romeo to A$$hole in 0-60 seconds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 "you are horrible at any kind of comfort"." What the heck??? Girl, this guy needs to go. That is a horrible thing to say! I would ignore all of texts from now on and DO NOT go out with him tonight. Make other plans. Figure out your exit stragedy ASAP. " Unreal...he can go from Romeo to A$$hole in 0-60 seconds." This is in the Loser Article I sent you, I sure hope you can read it soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southerngirl Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I am late coming into this thread, but I would agree with what the others are saying. You need to end it with this guy. He is a loser. The intuition you are feeling is telling you to end it all.. Listen to yourself and do what you have to do. Do not answer his texts, unless you want to tell him its OVER.. mean it... Drop this zero or you may regret it later, because it does get worse... the longer this goes on the worse it is going to get. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7CardStud Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I have a question to ask, are these arguments every week his doing? Are they even big arguments? Have u ever talked to him about seeing a therapist if they are all his doings? I don't know enough about this situation to say like the others "drop him," as if he were lower than a dog. People saying it's horrible that he wanted sex... You've never wanted sex before? If you have than you're doing exactly what he did... It's hard to believe that no one here has ever had a bad day and was turned around by their partner doing something special for them. I'll probably get flamed for all of this but I guess I'll take the defense of the guy until I get more information. I just read your other post about him. To be honest they all sound like they could have developed due to depression. The drinking is the dead give away, which is manipulated by finacial problems and other issues. As for talking to his "baby mama," more about just there kids... Why is this not ok? My mom and dad are divorced yet they talk more about JUST us, I really wouldn't be worried unless he's calling her all the time and texting them about innappropriate actions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siriana Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Oh, this is horrible, I mean this guy doesn't deserve to be with you. His behaviour is not acceptable. It really isn't. He is not only a jerk - I think that he is massive jerk. You know he is emotional manipulator, patetic looser kind of guy. I don't like his behaviour, how he leaves because he didn't get some, how insensitive remarks he makes...how he is not in the mood to play with his doughter who he rarely sees because he's tired but wants to have sex because he feels awfull, not because he wants to have sex with you. His reaction to your sms message is manipulative and childish and extremly selfish. You said that he hurt you - and his reaction is not I am sorry but some sort of crapy answer like he's in elementary school. He is emotionally imature. Ask yourself do you want to continue dating someone who is such a looser after only 6 months of dating? Do you deserve better? In another thread I've recently red someone wrote that it is a great idea to imagine you're Heidi Clum (or you can choose jolie, scarlett johanson, claudia schiffer, tyra banks...you got the point) and than ask yourself if you were her would you put up with such crap? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
u5ername Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 People saying it's horrible that he wanted sex... You've never wanted sex before? If you have than you're doing exactly what he did... It's hard to believe that no one here has ever had a bad day and was turned around by their partner doing something special for them. I'll probably get flamed for all of this but I guess I'll take the defense of the guy until I get more information. No, you won't be flamed. See, he brought it up that last week I had a bad day, and he bought me flowers to make me feel better...but then said he has a bad day and I do nothing to comfort him. In my mind, tending to his daughter all evening while he rested was my way of saying - hey hon, take a load off...i got this one for ya" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
u5ername Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 No, you won't be flamed. See, he brought it up that last week I had a bad day, and he bought me flowers to make me feel better...but then said he has a bad day and I do nothing to comfort him. In my mind, tending to his daughter all evening while he rested was my way of saying - hey hon, take a load off...i got this one for ya" oh...and I have actually had a fit because I didn't get some booty when I was ready to go...oh yes, he has turned me down before! However, I didn't slam doors, and run away...i would just giev the cold shoulder...ya know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7CardStud Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I wasn't nec. directing the "You've never wanted sex before?" to you, but to everyone who is participating, didn't mean to sound mean to you at all. Hope you didn't read it like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
u5ername Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 I wasn't nec. directing the "You've never wanted sex before?" to you, but to everyone who is participating, didn't mean to sound mean to you at all. Hope you didn't read it like that. oh no - not at all...I was actually agreeing with you....soemtimes, like kids we still pout when we don't get what we want Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candy604 Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 he's over reacting! it's not your fault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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