boyfriend went to a strip club...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Let me get this right. You think his male friends shouldnt pressure him but its OK if you pressure him?

 

Well sorry but I think that actually happens a lot in relationships. I do think it's reasonable to expect to be a higher priority.

[tylercdurden2004]

Well sorry but I think that actually happens a lot in relationships. I do think it's reasonable to expect to be a higher priority.

 

Sure but its the pressure issue. To me its the same as saying me or them. When you are at that point not really worth continuing as it will build resentment over time. Plus if he was really into it he wouldnt need to be pressured.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Sure but its the pressure issue. To me its the same as saying me or them. When you are at that point not really worth continuing as it will build resentment over time. Plus if he was really into it he wouldnt need to be pressured.

 

By 'it' do you mean her? Because if so I agree. Hence, my original post, simply dump him.

 

I do believe there are plenty of healthy, well adjusted men and women out there in the world who would say they would prefer not to have their SO out paying other people to grind their genitals up against theirs and put their other secondary sexual features up in their face...Maybe I'm way off...

[tylercdurden2004]

By 'it' do you mean her? Because if so I agree. Hence, my original post, simply dump him.

 

I do believe there are plenty of healthy, well adjusted men and women out there in the world who would say they would prefer not to have their SO out paying other people to grind their genitals up against theirs and put their other secondary sexual features up in their face...Maybe I'm way off...

 

No not her I meant the relationship. Silly.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

No not her I meant the relationship. Silly.

 

Whoa, pardon! You're right Mr. Durden, I was way off! Egg on face and all ...

[candy604]

tylercdurden2004 ..my pressure and his friends pressuring him are totally different. Mine is pressuring him into doing things that are healthy and help him realize what he was doing is not healthy ( he didn't see why it was a big deal but now he does and understands how stupid it was). So yes i do think it's okay that I pressured him. If his friends are pressuring him to do drugs or go to strip clubs etc..that's a different pressure ( he knows i don't like it but does it b/c his friends want him to). So I don't get your point.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I just want to add that I think it's ok to pressure people into not doing things that are destructive to either themselves or to the relationship in which you are an interested party (or both), such as drugs, or potentially divisive situations, such as going to strip clubs. And that I don't think it should be viewed the same as pressuring someone into said activity.

 

Though, I think Tyler's point was more that if you find yourself in that position of having to pressure someone too often, then maybe they are a lost cause of sorts, or otherwise not worth bothering.

[ILFgal45]

Okay, so my question now is this: Is it possible for us to just start fresh? Like forget about this as long as he knows that it was wrong and won't do it again? I thought about it a lot and I yelled at him and expressed fully how I felt about it, and now I think the pain I felt from it may be subsiding somewhat. Is it possible to move on and be happy with him? And if so, how?

[southerngirl]

Well, thats allways possible, but you have to be careful in your trust with this. I feel that a relationship with no trust isnt a relationship to be in.

 

There are men out there that do not like strip clubs and dont go to them. My husband is one. My stepfather was another.

 

Maybe you are not as suited to him as you thought, not to be harsh.... but when in a relationship its like you are testing them out for long term and if this goes against your values and morals and not his. That could be a deal breaker.

 

Of course, its all what you want to take and accept. Go with what you really want, because you have to please yourself above him or anyone else.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Yeah, it's up to you. And I also can say I know men who are actually turned off by the thought of girls in strip clubs, or girls who are exibiting themselves. Seriously. Real live manly men. They just aren't into that type of thing at all, and they're manly enough to not be pressured into doing something they have no interest in.

 

If you give your bf another chance, and then find him continually pushing the boundaries of your relationship, I suggest you move on and find someone who's a bit more your type.

[tylercdurden2004]

tylercdurden2004 ..my pressure and his friends pressuring him are totally different. Mine is pressuring him into doing things that are healthy and help him realize what he was doing is not healthy ( he didn't see why it was a big deal but now he does and understands how stupid it was). So yes i do think it's okay that I pressured him. If his friends are pressuring him to do drugs or go to strip clubs etc..that's a different pressure ( he knows i don't like it but does it b/c his friends want him to). So I don't get your point.

 

The point is its what YOU feel is healthy not what he feels is healthy ultimately. The way you "pressure" someone also will dictate how successful your "pressure" will be. From what you have said it sounds like your pressure is confrontational, that you know better what is good for him. He however is not seeing it this way I guarantee and he may change his ways but in the end it will build into resentment.

 

I am not debating the moral issues of strip clubs or girls taking their clothes off. It your approach to it that will create problems.

 

Again if its an issue for you that he goes to strip clubs then you should drop him and find someone who has compatible morals and beliefs. You are fighting an uphill battle.

 

However the main issue and something that speaks volumes of the situation is he doesnt respect you. That is clear if he knew you dont like strip clubs yet chose to go. He needs to find a girl thats ok with that.

[candy604]

yeah..i'm confrontational and well actually i don't know if it's considered pressure but more of reason. My bf's reasons for doing things are horrible so I have to make him understand how it affects ppl, why it isn't good for him etc..then he understands and stops doing it. Not b/c of me but b/c he wants to stop after understanding. I never again had an issue with drugs or strip-clubs etc..no resentment.

 

So i guess it was a good pressure then. lol

[TheRedQueen]

Would you like to know the perfect solution? When ever a strip club opportunity would present itself, I would go with my boyfriend. The strippers would always give me more attention than they would to my boyfriend. Awesome and sneaky maneuver I know, but I swear, it works each and every time.

[binky123]

I worked in a high end strip club in my early 20's, and most of the guys in there are married. They are participants every one of them. I worked at several upscale places and I never saw a man that looked miserable. Men just say that to their wives. The men stream in all day from noon to 2am. I really started to hate and distrust men because of that time in my life.

[TheRedQueen]

Strippers LOVE women, or maybe they just love me, but in my experience with strippers, they have been very kind and appreciative of me, as opposed to the pigs I'm sure they're used to dealing with.

[binky123]

The reason there are not strip clubs for the ladies is because guys look dorky dancing in their g-strings. I visited one in TX called LaBare. It was like a comedy show.

[binky123]

Strippers LOVE women, or maybe they just love me, but in my experience with strippers, they have been very kind and appreciative of me, as opposed to the pigs I'm sure they're used to dealing with.

 

It is a nice change to have women come in with the guys. The guys are usually better behaved.

[TheRedQueen]

It is a nice change to have women come in with the guys. The guys are usually better behaved.

 

Good point, that is precisely why I make sure to always be there right next to my boyfriend.

[TheRedQueen]

RedQueen and Binky, I worked as a dancer for 7 years. Bought my first house with cash. When I first came on this site Iposted quite a bit on this subject, some of it ticked off a few!

The girls you are referring to (the ones who give you attention ) are probubly BI sexual....I also agree that guys look funny in a G-string!

One day the pendulum will hopefully swing more in the direction of equity between the sexes.

I have posted on here that most of the customers were married, and I got slammed for it. I ran into a woman that I useed to work with many years ago (from the same agency I worked for) and she looks soooo old. I think she is using meth. When I worked as a stripper 95% of the girls were heavy users of one type or another.

I know, so sad, so true. All you would need to do to see this sad fact is spend a little time in the bathroom.

[binky123]

I didn't stay in the business that long. Maybe 4 years on and off. Its easy to get burn out. I don't know about "agency". I just worked for the clubs. That was in the 90's.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Teddy bear feel me...any guy who says he is turned off by beautiful naked women is lying to you! Unless he is homosexual, and then he STILL would think they are attractive. Come on guys, help me out here...

 

I don't know...maybe...but one in particular (a relative, not a potential bf) he says he doesn't like austentatious showy overtly sexual type women. I kind of believe him. We were at a club and I pointed out what I thought was a pretty girl who was out there dancing against a post as if she were trying to seduce the post, and he said "Ewww...No! She's acting like a * * * *, and she's trying waay too hard. She's obviously trying to put on a show." I really don't think it's every guy's thing.

[benita]

read my last 2 posts under men looking at porn for a perspective of where I am right now.

 

However, I have also found with this guy I was with for 2 and 1/2 yrs that he had mates who were also total into the porn, strip clubs, even going to an orgy concert.....

 

and so I did not like many of his mates either....

 

This also helped me make the decision to dump him 4 days ago as I figured that if he is like this, his mates are like this... I am climbing mt everest.

 

There are many circles of friends out there who dont need strip clubs or porn.

 

what happened to the good old barbie where couples get together for a few drinks, have a bbq and chilll out... what is so boring about that? what is boring about friends all getting together to go for a sunday drive and have lunch at cute country pub?

 

This is what most normal couples do.... I had been married previously before I met this guy that you can read about under the men and porn topic....

I had lots of nice friends where the men wanted the bbq, they were not into the mens night out at strip clubs and exchanging porn dvds with each other

 

If a guy is not happy doing the bbq stuff, the sunday drive stuff, if he needs to go to strip clubs and exchange porn with his mates... well him and his mates are not for me

[Japanfreak05]

hey,

 

I'd feel a little mad about the fact that he went to a strip club too. but 4 years, that's a long time. You should talk to him about how you don't trust him, if he knew then maybe he could make actions towards changing that. Get real serious with him. 4 years, he's probably just getting a little comfortable too. Just thinks he can do what he wants sometimes, but remember you have feelings as well. He wants to spend more time with his friends, that's cool. But you still want to see him too. Just let him know how you feel, communication is key. Tell him exactly how you feel. Basically everything you just said. Sometimes well alot of times, boys don't really think. They know what they want and they'll act on that. But they don't exactly KNOW what WE want unless we tell them. Good luck!!!