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compulsive relationships: beware


loveisaparadox
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Reading this excerpt from Claudia Black and Terry Gorski really helped me realize that my relationship was dysfunctional and had to end, even if I didn't want it to. I want to share it with you, and I hope it helps someone:

 

"Compulsive relationships are like chemical addictions. Like alcohol and drugs, these relationships have the power to change the way we think, feel and act. We can use these relationships to change our mood. If we have a problem in our lives, we find that intense involvement with that person will change how we feel, and will take that problem away temporarily If we feel bad, often just thinking about the relationship will make us feel better – our mood magically changes. Compulsive relationships can be described as addictive, obsessive, driven. They are addictive because we feel like we can't function without them. They are obsessive because the relationship becomes the central focus in our lives, where we can't think about anything else. It allows us to block out other thoughts, and keeps us in it even though part of us wants to get out. The relationship is a powerful distraction that keeps us from looking at our real life issues. We get an emotional charge from these relationships that makes us feel 'high'. Infatuation is defined as a state of temporary insanity marked by intense euphoria and the inability to see our partner realistically. We confuse being 'in love' with our partner with being in love with the feelings of being with our partner. Experiencing intense feelings of passion and sexuality are the primary goals of a compulsive relationship; intensity without substance. We can use these feelings as an excuse to avoid responsibility of thinking clearly about ourselves and the other person."

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