So hurt right now, but ready to move on

[enivel]

She called me last night and I asked to speak to her. After six weeks of the breakup, I had gone to her place last week and we'd fooled around/she told me she missed me and hinted strongly that she wanted to get back together. So last night I wanted to talk to her to see what was going on and met her at the bar we always went to.

 

We talked for several hours... it was constructive talk. We talked about many things in our relationship, mostly good. I finally found out why she really wouldn't take me back, because I am younger than her and less experienced, and in the same position she was in when she got married. She said she just couldn't be with me because she knew it would eventually lead to resentment, as I would be in a place where I would feel tied down. That was what led to her divorce and she saw the same thing happening with us. She told me she knows how much I did try, and so did she, it was nice because we came to a friendly understanding, although she could tell by the way I looked at her that I still had feelings for her. She said it took a lot of strength to do what I did at my age, to give her so much of me and stick it out to the bitter end, knowing things were not going to work long-term.

 

We went back to her place and listened to music. Then we went to bed, just laid there. Eventually we got into a fight when she revealed that last week- when we fooled around and she told me those things- she didn't remember it because she was too drunk. I really had no idea she was that drunk... she told me she was pretty sober. And then she told me about a very important conversation we'd had during our relationship and how she was also blacked out and remembered only bits and pieces. Needless to say I got very angry, but we settled down. In the morning I left and gave her a kiss, and we said we'd both be friends (very, very slowly) and be there for each other. I told her last night I want to be friends with her, but only after I have detached, probably by meeting someone else.

 

I am crushed right now. I've known for a long time it is over, but I guess the things she said last night were the final piece to the puzzle of my understanding. I completely understand why she left me now, it makes it tough to swallow because it is logical... before I had my doubts because of her specious reasoning. On the bright side I can move forward now, but I just know how much I care for her... I love her so much and wish she still felt for me like she used to, but that is a dead horse.

 

Thanks for reading this. I am just so upset right now, I'm at work. I need to accept that I will not be with her forever. She does not want a relationship with anyone else, in part out of respect for what we had. She was very honest with me, told me how much I meant to her... I just wish it made me feel better.

[Meow18]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are hurt. No matter how honest the other person is, it still hurts a lot.

 

But like you said, on the bright side of things, you have your answers. You have closure and it will be easier to move on. It won't be easy, just easier.

 

If you want my opinion, I would say to do no contact for now. It's not going to work having a friendship with her right now. No contact will really help you to get over her.

[enivel]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are hurt. No matter how honest the other person is, it still hurts a lot.

 

But like you said, on the bright side of things, you have your answers. You have closure and it will be easier to move on. It won't be easy, just easier.

 

If you want my opinion, I would say to do no contact for now. It's not going to work having a friendship with her right now. No contact will really help you to get over her.

 

I agree with no contact. I swallowed my pride and told her that I am not as far along, in moving on, as she. I think she knew that anyway. I told her we can be friends when neither of us are bothered by details of each other's dating experiences... she kind of tried to play it cool, so I asked her point blank if she could handle listening about a girl I've been seeing. She said she was, until I mentioned the girl's name, then she interrupted me after the first sentence and said she isn't ready.