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i have been suicidely depressed since i was 6. i was medicated for 7 months but after i started hearing voices and vomiting daily i was taken off prozac. when i was 7-9 i ran away from school 4 or 5 times 1 time for 5 hours saying that i was going to go home to commit suicide. when i was in highschool i stayed home atleast 2 days a week and walked around literally in a haze of depression. this is where i met my wife, it was love at first sight, we have been together for 5 years and married for 2. for the longest time she has been attracted to women. i , being a man and pretty sensative yet levelheaded, have encouraged her to explore this side of her because i can't and don't satisfy her. she currently doesn't work but i make more than enough money for the 2 of us. she has always had many emotional issues and takes medication for anxiety. its hard to live with her sometimes but i like her alot as a person. she is my best friend. we have a great dog and nice things.

my problem is i have nothing to live for. i don't spend money on myself, i dont do anything fun that lasts more than an hour or so and its only maybe once a month. i work out 3 times a week but i don't really feel like it anymore. the thing i hate about depression is that you can never emulate the feeling of love or happiness when you are depressed and i have been depressed for so long i just want it to end. i am sick and tired of going back and forth on everything. i feel right now like i should break up with my wife

 

off topic: (i really hope you don't judge me on this but right now i feel like just hitting her right in the face) (and for anyone that thinks thats messed up right now i am sitting here with a black eye from my wife who hit me on purpose and not out of self defense, i forgave her for it and it has nothing to do with my issue)

 

if i do that though then i have to break up with her otherwise i am just screwing up her emotions and messing with our relationship.

 

anyways, my life is going smoothely, yet i wish i could just dissappear into the crevase in between the wall and my bed. i wish the cold night air would just envelope me and take me away.

 

thank you for listining to me talk about my life. it makes me feel a little better to know that maybe out there someone understands and is sitting there, saying to themselves, "yep, i've been there"

and hooray to all those people living with depression.

 

 

mike

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Hi Hazzardusab,

 

Welcome to eNotAlone!

 

Being depressed like that at age 6 is unusual. What happened to you, what made you depressed?

 

It seems that while still depressed you quickly attached to a woman with her own deep and unresolved issues. Being in love can be a good anti-depressant. However quick-attachment is unwise as I learned from my own experiences.

 

You wife is violent. Please read link removed and let us know how she matches up. At the bottom of that article is a link on why you may attach to her.

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