Falling to peices over here...

[SapphireStar]

To get right to the point, I'm falling apart. Both emotionally and mentally. I just had a relapse and sliced the hell out of my wrist again. But the worst thing about it is that I did it while talking to two people online. I told them both. Is that wrong? I wanted someone to help me feel better, so I went fishing for compassion. (I didn't get any, but that's not the point.) I can't help feeling guilty now.

 

I'm literally shaking...I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone, even though I'm not. I've been seriously contemplating suicide for the past few days. Whenever I try to talk to people about it, they just tell me to stop being emo. I;m NOT being emo, I just want to get away.

 

I have the feeling my friends are getting bored with me, or annoyed because I have no self control, or I'm too insecure. But I can't help it. I;ve always been that way. I'm just waiting for one or all of them to up and leave, just like another guy did.

 

And recently, another guy has come into my life. He's the sweetest guy ever, and I find myself attracted to him in more ways than one. But he's completely unattainable, for several reasons.

 

My two best friends are getting married soon. I'm so happy for them, but they just seem so busy lately...it's almost like they never have time for me anymore. And I really love them, so it hurts when they don't talk to me for days at a time.

 

And school is another thing. It's really starting to piss me off. I've already been threatened, and had a rumor started about me.

 

*sigh* I feel like I'm going insane.

[nottoogreen]

Hi SapphireStar,

 

You want compassion and understanding. Compassion is hard to find and understanding is even harder to find.

 

I was bullied too in school. It was hard because I had low self esteem.

 

Self esteem is the key to successful relationships with people. Self esteem is built initially by the family.

 

Please tell us more about your family, how your parents get along and how you get along with them and if you have how you get along with siblings.

[SapphireStar]

My family? I would hardly call it a family. I can't talk to them at all. My only sibling has moved away and I really don't want anything to do with him. He gave me hell as a child.

 

I just really want to hit something right now, but I feel too weak. I haven't felt this way in...well, I don't think I've *ever* felt quite like this before.

[nottoogreen]

I am sorry you feel so negative but working things out requires understanding your situation.

 

What your brother did to you before?

 

Please tell us about your family, mom and dad. Are they happy together. How they treat you, why you can't talk to them?

 

Please learn this and in particular mental survival activities.

• You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
  
• Look after your body and love yourself!
  
• When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
  
• You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
  
• You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
  
• Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
  
• Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
  
• All you can be is a loving healthy being to another loving healthy being. Being can be combinations of Parent/Child, Partner, Friend, Lover and Master/dog.
  
• Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
  
• Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
  
• Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
  
• Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
  
• Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
  
• Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
  
• KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
  
• Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!