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Ok, I am new to this but I have no idea where to turn or what to do!

I had been seeing this guy for a year, but only officially for five months.

 

We never bickered or had any problems until we got together. Yet while we were together we did, yet at the same time there was and still is an amazing love between us that neither of us had felt before. We spoke of marriage, kids etc..We would get on for a few days, then argue about something stupid and fall out, make up, then then the cycle would continue.

I saw quite a lot of him, and in hindsight I think we got to heavy too quick and put too much pressure on one another. We both agreed that we had changed and wanted to find our selves again.

He said to me that it wasn't that he didn't want to be with me, and that he loved me so much, but he just had to concentrate on things to do with his family and friends at the moment and needed to do it. He said he didn't know what he wanted, so the fairest thing to do was to split up, whether it be temporary or forever. Because he didn't want to keep me hanging.

 

But I want him back. He is the one. And I dont know how to do this! I have had the chance to reflect and have realised that for the past 5 months the ego side of me took over, the needy, defensive, argumentative and insecure side of me. But now I have taken back control, and I know if we gave things another go, I would not be any of these things, and that we would be amazing again.

 

Someone help me!

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Hi and welcome to enotalone.

 

I think that since he asked you for his space you need to give it to him. If you pursue him, and don't respect his request, you will likely just chase him away for good.

 

I think you should focus on YOU right now. Live your life, don't wait around for him- but realize that your chances of him coming back are increased if you actually give him a chance to miss you. (whereas if you pursue him, all you are giving him is pressure).

 

I'm not sure if you've been keeping in contact with him since the breakup or not- but perhaps you should let him know that you care about him and want to give things another try, but that you realize that he needs his space right now and that you hope he changes his mind. Let him know that you will not be in contact with after that (unless he contacts you stating that he changed his mind).

 

 

BellaDonna

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Thank you for your replies. I am giving him space, it is killing me but I am not texting or calling him.

I have had time to reflect, and I have realised that for the last 5 months, the ego side of my personality has had all the control. The part that has made me needy,argumentative, defensive, selfish and insecure. And I smashed that. I picked it up like a vase and smashed it at the floor. I have taken back the control.

This is why I know if we gave things another go, we would make it work.

I went for a drink with him on sunday. Part of what he has said is that we have lost ourselves in the process of trying to make one another happy. When we were at the pub, we had quite a laugh considering, and I saw the 'josh' again, that he said he had lost. I thought 'there he is'.

He said he just needs to concentrate on his friends and family at the moment. I have been keeping myself busy with my friends, and I want to keep doing this (something that I probably haven't been doing a lot of since I got together with Josh as the majority of my energies were on him), and I want to keep doing this. But I want him as well. I want him to go out with his friends and have a laugh, but then have me as well.

Why can't this happen? Or can it?

 

10 days ago, we stood in his garden in the pouring rain. Just 10 DAYS AGO. I was crying and looking at the ground and he lifted my head up, kissed me and said 'when I get a good thing I hold onto it, and we are a good thing. So lets forget all the * * * * and just be' then asked if I could do it. For the first time, I answered 'yes' from my heart. Because I was on the brink of losing him so had this shock realisation of what I had to do to hold onto him.

Before, during all the bickering, we kept saying 'lets stop this' and it didn't, bacause I was talking from my head and not my heart then.

After this I presumed we were going to try make it through.

This is the guy that after watching my dad and stepmothers wedding video, took my hand and said 'I want us to have a video'.

I knew things weren't totally right, but thought, I am going to do all I can, and it's going to be hard, but we can do this.

A few days later he then said he didn't know what he wanted. This was hard. Then we met up and I said that I had to know either way. And he said that because he didn't know what he wanted, that splitting up was the fairest thing for me. He said I had pushed him into this decision because I had said I just need to know, I can't be kept in this limbo situation.

 

ARGH!!!!!

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