why do men ask to be friends after a break up but cant be there for you?

[RRISALEE]

MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT

 

 

My ex just broke up with me yesterday because he felt that I didn't have his back and some trust issues he had. and he said Friends is the most we can be at this time. He said that he loves me very much. tehn he asked me was i mad and do i still love him?? And the friends thing doesn't mean it is going to be forever. What does that mean?

Why do men say that?

 

 

update. i went to his house on friday and there was a car there and i knew it was a girl because he took her to the mcats on last week, i asked him the next day did he have company over and he straight lied to me and said no and i told him that you lied. and he didn't say anything. then he called me later and but i didnt answer, do then i called him because i needed a ride home and he texted me back you didn't drive? i am freaking stranded and you ask me a stupid question like that. i was so hurt that i cant' count on you. so then as soo as i do get home he called and i was like whatever. then he text me where are you and i didn't answer because i was hurt. then he calls me at 5 am three different time and then again at 11 am so what does that mean?

 

why did he ask me that stupid question, i asked did he replace me and he said no but she was over there and he said that was just a friend but what does that mean? i was crying over him but i went over there and my feelings changed to anger! please men help me

[melrich]

I can onlyu say that "let's be friends" means just that. So he may not be there for you in the same way he was there for you when you were in a relationship together.

[lost in the mix]

It's a fickle thing these emotions...I'm no therapist and am going thru a rough patch myself..But this friend of his, may be his next move...My brother told me to get out dating right away...he said the best way to get over your ex is the next....But i think that's a really shallow mentality...Is he that kind of guy?

[dude69]

have you ever broke up with a guy and told him that you just wanted to be friends ?

 

I think its a bad idea to brake up with someone and remain friends with them, especialy after a long relationship. It will only end up hurting you somewhere down the line.

 

I personaly have trust issues also, i normaly give everyone a certain amount of trust but after ive been dating them for awhile the trust is all there. As long as the trust was not broken in the past (by that person) I can learn to trust someone pretty quickly. My question is have you ever broken his trust or did something that made him hold back on his trust ?

 

As for the car in the driveway, are you sure it was a car of a woman or perhaps it couldve been someone elses.

[RRISALEE]

well i dont know. but he broke up with this girl two months before he met me and it took him about two months to get me so i guess. but he still called her. i guess guys go where they are comfortable. i saw him on friday and we hugged and i just started crying. it was the first time that we saw each other since the break up two days after. it was sooooo hard and i just want to die.

[RRISALEE]

i know it was hers because he told me last weekend that it was his friends and he took her to the mcats. i never told anyone that i wanted to be friends after the break up. yeah in the beginning i did tell a couple of little white lies to break the trust but i had to make up for it the whole relationship; and the fact that the kept calling his ex bothered me and he had to keep reassuring that he didn't want her. but she was five years old than him. and he is 24.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Hi Prisalee- I think your xboyfriends story about the girl over his house is kind of sketchy.

 

For your own sake...i think you should move on and leave friendship with your ex for another day- my experience has been when a boyfriend says he wants to be friends...it usually means that he wants to explore whats going on in the dating scene ..but keep you close to his hip just in case he wants to go back. You deserve more then to be treated like that.

[dude69]

i know this sounds really crappy and ive been debating if i should at all tell you this, but have you ever thought maybe you were someone to try to keep his mind off this older girl but after all attemps he wasnt able to forget about her and decided that he wanted to be with the older girl. :S

[RRISALEE]

no because she has a boyfriend and he said that he didnt' want her

[dude69]

no because she has a boyfriend and he said that he didnt' want her

 

maybe thats what he wanted you to know so you wouldnt get jealous. It doesnt matter if she has a boyfriend, maybe she is in the same type of possition as him.

 

And if he wasnt lying then why would you be mad ? he is just spending some time with a friend after breaking up with someone he "loved" and he doesnt want to be alone.

[RRISALEE]

it's not the same girl. we are talking about two different girls

[renaissancewoman101]

From what I know, usually when men ask to be friends after a breakup, they dont really mean it. They are just trying to let you down easy. Or else they stay friends with you until they find the next hot chick, then they drop you like a hot brick.

[lost in the mix]

it sounds like the situation maybe be more pain and drama than what you really need in your life to be happy..A clean break may be healthy for you.