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I keep hitting on everyone


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What's going on??????

 

I've been with my girlfriend six months now. Two weeks ago I got really drunk and was hanging around with a large group of people- I just started hitting on a couple of girls. One girl I really liked from ages back who turned me down. And then- the manager of my work who is really nice and I'm just causing trouble (my girlfriend works at a different branch of the same company- her boss was there too). My girlfriend wasn't at the party obviously- I guess maybe I was angry because she never comes out with my friends.

 

But this is not the first time this has happened- it always happens when I have a girlfriend. I've NEVER cheated by the way. It's just I keep saying really rude lewd things drunkily - and very loud. I just want to be as disgusting and forward as possble.

 

The worst thing is I'm so impossibly polite most of the time that it's doubly embarrassing. I'm not worried that my girlfriend will find out especially. It would kind of be a relief in a way. I'm SO flirty all the time with people- and then as soon as I get a girlfriend I have no idea how to behave around everyone else.

 

 

At the moment I've kind of retreated into this shell where I dont want to speak to anyone because I 'm scared of flirting with them. I'm not cheating -- I just feel like such a fake human being at the moment.

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It's because you feel more confident when you have a girlfriend. If you had the same confidence when you were single, you would be doing the same thing.

 

The alcohol obviously brings out a side of you that you don't really find attractive.. so I would avoid that if possible.

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I understand what you mean alchohol really sends me the wrong way at the moment- but I'm more interested in why these feelings are so far inside me the rest of the time.

 

I'm always flirty- before I had a girlfriend- it's since I got a girlfriend that the problem started because all my (shallow quite frankly) relationships have become inappropriate.

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Yeah... I'm thinking it's along the same lines though. You have someone, so you are not so concerned with what other people think about you, because you know you have someone who thinks highly of you. Under the influence of alcohol, you push it, and really let it out. It's kind of a double whammy I guess.

 

It stays inside you while you are single because you care more about what others think. It stays inside you when you are sober because your inhibitions aren't lowered and you can filter better.

 

You probably still have the thought to say it, you just squash it really quickly normally.

 

I'm not really justifying all of it though. I would be wondering, myself, why I had all these thoughts in the first place.

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Sorry I guess this sounds like a "I can't stop drinking thread". I dont drink that much and when I do drink that very rarely happens that I act like that. I'm more concerned about my sober behavior- I have so many friendships which are just so flirty - that I would hate to have them in the same room as my girlfriend. Its not that I'm cheating, I just want to be around people I like but my only way of making friendships is to have this vague sexual tension

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Your first post was quite clear, this happens when you are drinking. I see you've gone back and changed it now, but I remember what I saw.

 

I stand by what I said - lose the alcohol. It is normal to have some sexual tension between opposite sexes but if you have control problems then do NOT add alcohol to the mix.

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I think separating the issues is important...

 

1. Alcohol... I think we have a pretty good consensus on how that affects your thinking and acting.

 

2. Social interactions... They are shallow and flirty. So much so that you can't bring your "friends" around your GF because, beyond the flirty/sexual interactions, there's nothing there. An inability, or unwillingness to form a deeper bond with another person (regardless of sex). The fact that, as your bond grows deeper with one person, your interactions with others become more shallow and overt.

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How about not drinking?

I know I guy who is pretty much decent around girls but when he grabs a drink or two...than he's a huge jerk.

 

 

Why are you doing this? Because you're insecure and because you want to have a back up if something goes wrong with your gf.

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It takes a lot of work. You need to figure out for yourself why you feel you need to protect youself by building such walls. You may have a big fear of being hurt, or it can be as a result of something you carry with you from a past hurt. What caused that hurt, and what you are afraid of, only you can tell. Look to yourself... when you have resolved this issue... even as you work on it, you will see that your fear of intimacy begins to lessen.

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That's a good answer. Some of your past experiences made it hard for you to put the walls down when in relationship with someone. Since these are your experiences yuo need to find out what are they.

 

Some examples:

your parents getting a divorce while you were a teenager

a parent who's beeing an alchoholic

someone dumped you and you were really hurt and you're affraid now to feel that paiagain.....

 

I wrote this just to give you some idea about it. your reasons could be completely different! You need to find out your own reasons

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