This is not a sad post.

[itsallgrand]

I only want to get some thoughts out instead of bottling. Thanks.

 

I've made some progress, and I'm feeling pretty good, though I know I have a long road in front of me. It's fine by me. I'm beginning to understand how precious my life is. Just like everyone else's. I am not an exception!

 

It is warped thinking to believe to be less than, not as worthy,

not as competent, not as capable of happiness, somehow tainted.

 

What have I done really? Well, I honestly don't know what it is that has come over me, but I'm starting to feel and believe that I do have a bright future if I will only believe in it and allow myself to have it.

Crazy thought, crazy thought that was to me! lol.

Today, I woke up and painted - painted! - before work. Not a big deal right?

Ah ha, well, it is something I haven't done in years and used to love. I was very good at it. Yet it became a focus of fear and avoided by me. But i did it today.

 

Its little things like that. Facing and dealing instead of avoiding, or withdrawing into myself, or making it about how horrible I am.

 

I felt joy today. Joy!! What a thing it is. Like discovering it for the first time.

 

((Other than the fact that it is friday night and I am at home alone and on the computer, which I must admit is not too pleasing to me yet I honestly don't know what else to do with myself (i did try, just no one is around and i need to get up early tomorrow, ahh ohh). But: it can be remedied easily enough now that i am aware of it. ))

 

NOTTOOGREEN thank you for hanging in with me there and giving it to me straight. Thank you to AntiLove, Aurian, n83 for listening and encouragement when I really needed it. There's others to thank, and yall will hear about it.

 

I know this is coming out sorta manic and all over the place. Don't expect anyone to pay this much mind. Only need to get it out before I start ruminating on these little hidden thoughts.

[rose2summer]

Hi itsallgrand,

 

I am really impressed with your progress,

 

You seem to have a very positive outlook on your life,

 

And that is great.

 

Your intentions are very strong,

 

If you want a book, right up your ally,

 

You should read:

The Power Of Intention by Dyer

 

The book discusses that based on the outlook you have on life will dictate your future and how your life will pan out to be.

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[itsallgrand]

Thanks Rose.

 

Hey, is that Wayne Dyer? I haven't read that one. I admit to enjoying "Sacred Self" and "Pulling your own strings" though. Been eating that stuff up lately.

I'll check out that book, merci beaucoup.

[rose2summer]

Yes itsallgrand,

 

That is Wayner Dyer, I love that book!

 

A friend recommended it to me,

 

And I have read through it twice now,

 

It's so amazing how we dictate our relationships/futures,

 

But we always feel as though we have no control,

 

The book made me realize that I can accomplish anything I want,

 

But only if I BELIEVE I can do it.

 

How is your Friday night going?

 

Rose

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Congratulations Grandy, I hope you have continued happy feelings, and may the future be full of more ups than downs.

[itsallgrand]

So true, Rose. It takes actually testing it for it to sink in, and some of us don't take the lesson easily but you are right.

 

Friday is going not bad. Catching up on good music and plan on an slightly earlier bedtime. How about you?

 

hey Bear! thanks. Wishing you the same.