Just curious...

[TakingtheBlame]

I came here a few months ago regarding a short-term relationship gone bad, and was grateful for the advice I got from some of the members of this forum. I have returned now for some more of that good advice.

 

I recently joined a dating site in the hopes of meeting new people, and ended up meeting a guy with whom I had two successful dates before he invited me up to his apartment for dinner with him and his roommate. I accepted and we ended up having a nice night, followed by another dinner party at his place a few days later. That last dinner party went well enough, but the next morning things just felt rather awkward between the two of us for no discernible reason. In the week that has followed, we've kept in touch on AIM but he has not invited me out again, and our conversations have become somewhat dry.

 

I enjoyed his company and am just curious as to what exactly is going on here. Did he lose interest? Was he just concerned with the fact that I am going back to school next week and will have less time for other people than I've had all summer? Is he waiting for me to ask him out again, and should I do so under the current circumstances? Just want to get a feel for what my options are. Thanks!

[NJRon]

Hmm... have you two gotten physical at all? Have you shown an attraction toward him? Have you shown real interest in him?

[TakingtheBlame]

All very good and very inevitable questions.

 

Yes, we have been intimate several times.

 

As for whether I've shown any real interest, I'm not sure what constitutes that. I am a nervous person and I tend to be reserved physically and emotionally around people I haven't known very long, but I did explain this to him and told him I liked him the last time we were together, even if I seemed cold on occasion. I've also made several trips out of my way to see him at his place...I would think this counts for something.

[NJRon]

Ok.. so intimacy or lack there of was likely not the cause of the awkwardness.

 

At this point in time, it seems to me that it would be appropriate to confront the issue head on.

 

Tell him you enjoy being with him. You enjoy your time together, but you detected some awkward moments that morning and were curious if there was something on his mind.

 

It could be anything from him trying to read you... wondering where the relationship is... trying to decide if he still wants to go out with you... wondering why you are so awesome to be around, but never show invite him to do something...

 

You just can't tell and, I think you should confront it.

[TakingtheBlame]

Well, there has been some clarification in my situation with the online guy and I guess I am still curious as to what other [impartial] people (that would be you guys!) think is going on here in light of these developments.

 

About a week after I posted this thread, he asked me if I was ok with having this sort of intimate relationship without being in a bf/gf situation, and I told him I was cool with it, assuming this was his way of conveying that he wasn't looking for anything serious (neither am I...as much as I'd like something serious and stable, my main priority right now is finishing law school and I think it would be unfair to drag a sig other into second place.) Since then, we IM and text one another fairly frequently, and usually spend at least one day a weekend with eachother. We'll see a movie or go out to a bar or he'll come visit me at school. As is my wont, I've found myself getting a little attached to him but I kind of fear we've set a precedent for my being only slightly above a booty call and nothing more.

 

Considering that we've already kind of established we aren't "together", I'm curious as to whether there is any hope of this becoming something more...if not now, then perhaps in the future. I don't have a lot of time right now and neither does he, but I'm afraid of him disappearing from my life if I don't reign him in somehow, and I just don't know if I should approach him for another discussion on our status or just leave things as they are. Any comments, suggestions, or what have you?

[NJRon]

By this, it seems it has been about 3 weeks since you two decided to establish this type of relationship? You have set the precedent you say you did... if you want more, you need to be willing to give more.. or , at least see what he will accept and what you have to offer. For the time being though... 3 weeks seems like not very long to decide this, especially since he is the one who proposed it. But, I suppose you could always ask. Just make sure you know what you are asking for.

[zer0effect]

You basically met him online and jumped right into a physical relationship with him, he is probably still online trying to find more opportunities. Not that all guys are "players" but it is almost equivalent to gambling, you find yourself lucky, why not try for more. I wouldn't give him anymore, you are just asking to be one of his hookups. Take a little control of the situation if you want more.

[g44]

u say u have a had a few successful dates and have had sex several times...hmmmmmm....maybe u put out too much too soon, he got his fill and has dumped u. just a thought.

[TakingtheBlame]

Well he definitely hasn't dumped me, since we still talk fairly frequently and see eachother regularly. However, I do think that I "put out" way too early, and I need to start withholding the booty to determine whether there's potential for anything beyond that.