Arrowsmith Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 SusserTod, is there any circumstance under which she would agree to have sex with you? Can you make that happen? Is she happy in the relationship? What are her wants/needs? Can she provide you with anything besides sex that would be an acceptable substitute to you? Seems like there's room for negotiation here; I don't think you have to think of this as all or nothing. Link to comment
Süsser Tod Posted August 25, 2006 Author Share Posted August 25, 2006 Yeah, I'm seeing here the same pattern is all over the relationship. She is way too selfish and selfcentered. The other day we were making out, I masturbated her and as soon as she had an orgasm, clothes came back. Then I heard the good old "hug me"... Same thing goes in other aspects of the relationship. For example, she had to make her schedule for this semester. Obviously, she didn't asked me what I thought would be better for US, what would make things easier so we could spend more time together. So here I am adjusting my schedule to hers... Last weekend I only saw her for like 3 hours on Saturday night at her house, we watched a movie. Didn't spend any time with her early Saturday, nor Sunday because she had too much work to do. She choosed all of that, and left me for whatever spare time she had... OK, I'm getting angry while I type this. Guess the relationship already went south. Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 You have been dating for only 5 months. Let her live the life she wants. I think you should move on from this chica. She is playing you and she has no intentions of doing anything further with you. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Guess the relationship already went south. Makes me think of my favorite U2 song, if God will send his angels: Nobody else here baby no one else here to blame No one to point the finger... It's just you and me and the rain Nobody made you do it, no one put words in your mouth Nobody here taking orders when love took a train heading south You have to figure out what is best for you Susser Tod, in this relationship equation (sex or no sex). Once you have it figured out for certain, you can make your decision to keep her/let go of her with greater clarity. Link to comment
Arrowsmith Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Is she just taking whatever she can get without any interest in you? If so, cut your losses. Is she getting whatever it is that she wants (attention? support?) without having to give you anything in return? If so, cut back on whatever she's getting. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Being a virgin (and actually quite sexual person) myself, I must state that just because someone is a virgin does NOT mean they have hang-ups. Amen !I don't have no sexual hangup.My problem is i can't find any men in Califonria who will give me sex with a commitment. Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Although I must say for virgins these days some I wouldnt consider "true virgins." I mean there is the argument when is sex sex? When I was a virgin I had only kissed a guy. No foreplay, no oral sex, no nothing, completely innocent. Nowadays all but the penis in the vagina is what categorizes someone a virgin. I dont get it.... Link to comment
quietgrl Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Süsser Tod, I would move on because i think you're hoping.Your girlfriend going to change her mind in the middle of outercourse.She might and she might not.Why are you denying your wants and needs? Link to comment
quietgrl Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Although I must say for virgins these days some I wouldnt consider "true virgins." I mean there is the argument when is sex sex? When I was a virgin I had only kissed a guy. No foreplay, no oral sex, no nothing, completely innocent. Nowadays all but the penis in the vagina is what categorizes someone a virgin. I dont get it.... The definition of a virgin has never changed.What has changed is lesbian and gay men has created a new virgin definition for themsleves and for society to know about. A hetrosexual virgin loses their title when a penis enter her vagina period.A lesbian virgin it's oral sex.A gay man It's anal sex. We all know oral,anal and vagnal sex is differant parts of the sex pie.The sexual act that leads to pregnancy is what counts for hetrosexual people. A bisexual person can lose their virginity twice. There is no confusion unless you're a lesbian or gay virgin. Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 The definition of a virgin has never changed.What has changed is lesbian and gay men has created a new virgin definition for themsleves and for society to know about. A hetrosexual virgin loses their title when a penis enter her vagina period.A lesbian virgin it's oral sex.A gay man It's anal sex. We all know oral,anal and vagnal sex is differant parts of the sex pie.The sexual act that leads to pregnancy is what counts for hetrosexual people. A bisexual person can lose their virginity twice. There is no confusion unless you're a lesbian or gay virgin. Well I am niether a lesbian nor a gay virgin but that wasnt even where I was going with it. Hey more power to you if you can hold on to your virginity. I am just saying that todays "virgin" isnt really that virginal. And to say that lesbian and gay men have changed the way we look at sex and virgins, that is waaaaay off mark. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 The 90's seriously put this virgin debate on the front burner because My generation.(anyone born before 1980). A virgin lost her virginity via vaginal sex.A virgin who did oral or anal and not vaginal sex was just a tease.The virgin was still a virgin. The 90's everybody started to question what is a virgin.Lesbian and gay men started speaking up and some religious people started to speak up.It's crazy My advice to virgins.The only time you should question if you're a virgin or not is if you're lesbain or gay virgin. A hetrosexual virgin is a virgin until they have vaginal sex(A sex act that leads to pregnancy). Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Well I am from your generation and I must say niether myself nor my friends ever heard anything of gay or straight virgin meanings. Like I said more power to you in keeping your virginity your a rarity. Sorry to hijack the post Susser, but like I said she is controlling you with her virginity. I would suggest reconsidering this relationship. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I havn't read all responses. I admire your honesty, Susser Tod. Sex is important to you...fair enough! It's important to me too. I don't think I could be in a sexless relationship either. You and her just sound basically incompatible, to be honest. And she sounds somewhat neurotic....on BC and using condoms, pregnancy really isn't very likely...intimacy issues are probably a more likely cause, but it's a case of whether or not you're willing to stick around and put in the considerable effort required! Link to comment
RayKay Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I think this relationship has more underlaying issues than the virginity one. I too can respect she wants to wait until she is ready, though I find her lack of clarity as to when she really wants to wait a bit suspect, sounds like she at first told you one thing, to have you hang around, and now is taking that back and setting the "requirements" higher and higher. I can see validity in both of your choices, hers to wait, and yours to want a sexual relationship within your relationship, but it appears in this case perhaps there is some issues of not being on the same wavelength. I also find it kinda...odd...that she will allow you to bring her to orgasm and so on, and then just finish it (ie not reciprocate). To me that shows even deeper issues around sexuality that may continue for a long time. Anyway, ultimately you have to decide whether you can accept the wait (that is if it ever happens!)...or not. And based on that decide to stay, or go. Link to comment
InaneCathode Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I'd like to point out that we dont have to always deal in absolutes. Eg, "you cant have sex with me until you commit" versus "you cant have sex with me until you make a reasonable effort to commit." If i was a woman i'd be looking for a man to at least give an effort to stay with me. I can understand why so much importance is placed on virginity but to be honest the first time isnt so special. It's messy, painful, and a majority of the time isnt a pleasureful experience. Furthermore, modern society doesnt place much imporatance in being a virgin, this isnt 16th century england, a virgin these days is simply someone who hasnt had sex. It seems a lot of the time some women are looking for huge commitments from the man without realizing that sex, for a man, is an enourmously special thing and the best way to express his love. For alot of men marriage, financial stability and all that as a requirement for sex cheapens it. It's like if the man approached you and wanted you to sign legal papers and wavers before getting down. Placing social requirements on sex practically destroys what mystery it has left, sex should be based on love, not the possiblity of future stability. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Susser, Dude, how in the world are ya doing? Haven't seen you around here for ages. Livin' away from the comp... Good stuff. As far this thread is concerned, I hope you know by now that I have been pulling for you and your happiness (still am). That said: Time to stop dating girls and get yourself a woman! You are ready, grasshopper. Yes, we are a handful. But it is time. This girl has been giving you headaches from the beginning. Well, maybe take some time to consider why you choose these girls who you are clashing with so often, and how to make you happy. That should go without saying. I hope you don't think I'm a meanie, but this whole thing "I'll never date a virgin again" made me laugh out loud. Of course you are frustrated! She's dangling her cherry like it's worth all the diamonds in Africa. (crude but effective to get my point accross). Link to comment
Süsser Tod Posted August 29, 2006 Author Share Posted August 29, 2006 Well, guess I'm not dating a virgin anymore, as my gf is not a virgin anymore... Yes, well, after a long talk it finally happened. Now I'm dating a sexaholic, jejeje, well, I'm exagerating but I guess she had to get over her fears about sex. I truly hope she didn't lied to me about that, or it is going to backfire on me bigtime. But, so far, so good. It seems that it really got the relationship to a new, higer, level. We'll see how everything goes. Dude, how in the world are ya doing? Haven't seen you around here for ages. Livin' away from the comp... Good stuff. Well, yes, in fact I noticed that while I learn a lot in here, reading other people posts, my mind starts playing games on me. And my mind is one thing I've never been able to deal with, so right now I don't want to give it new ideas. Maybe I'll start posting more, as my mind has settled down by now, I had a really rough time a month ago. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Wow Your virgin I'm mean ex virgin Gf gave up so easily. Link to comment
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