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is this why men are scared to divorce?????


Riggz41510

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THESE ARE NOT MY WORDS.. I TOOK THIS FROM A WEBSITE..JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF MOST MEN SEE THINGS THIS WAY.. AGAIN THESE A RE NOT MY WORDS!!

 

 

I love these simple women who keep repeating the phrase, "just tell the woman the truth that you don't want to be with her anymore." Obviously, you have never been on the receiving end of an emotional woman. Men would just walk away from these bad marriages, engagements, and relationships if it wasn't for two things.

 

First, men do not want to lose the shirt off of their backs. Most of my divorced male friends have had the vindictive wife take their cars, boats, retirements / 401K, and homes away in retaliation for "being a man" and "being honest about their feelings". Don't kid yourself, if divorce would allow the man to walk away free and clear to start a new life, then there would be no marriages in the U.S. But sadly, men are penalized for saying, "I do" and our choices are to: (A) cheat or find some other vice, (B) suffer in silence in a loveless, sexless, or chaotic marriage, © lose all of your financial earnings and live in a small hotel room in the Tenderloin(BAD NEIGHBORHOOD IN S.F.) after the courts give her everything, or (D) spend $150 a session for months to visit your local Dr. Phil in the hopes that everything will work out.

 

Secondly, many men stay in these relationships for the children. This is very noble of them. It comes down to the children being the one saving grace of the marriage. Women in bad marriages should not think that the husband is staying to reconcile. He is staying to either preserve his finances or preserve his relationship with the kids.

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I would suggest to you that this is a very cynical and bitter view of someone who has had a bad experiece.

 

our choices are to: (A) cheat or find some other vice, (B) suffer in silence in a loveless, sexless, or chaotic marriage, © lose all of your financial earnings and live in a small hotel room in the Tenderloin(BAD NEIGHBORHOOD IN S.F.) after the courts give her everything, or (D) spend $150 a session for months to visit your local Dr. Phil in the hopes that everything will work out.

 

How about (E) Live happily with our partners?

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I would suggest to you that this is a very cynical and bitter view of someone who has had a bad experiece.

 

 

 

How about (E) Live happily with our partners?

and (F) If you are having problems make every effort to solve them instead of becoming bitter.

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So what this person is saying, is that men should be alowed to make babies with women and not support them afterwards if the relationship fails?

 

Or is it merely an opinion that the courts are giving the women TOO much out of divorces? (I have no clue what is true.)

 

 

 

A destructive relationship between mommy and daddy I imagine would be much more damaging to the children than a seperation... Not only that, but it is harmful to both partners as individuals...

I don't see how it is noble in any way. JMHO.

 

 

 

I agree with the above posts that this sounds very cynical and bitter...

 

I think he is saying that the courts give women too much!! just my thought maybe I'm wrong..

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What if the issues are never solved.. DO you think people stay together out of fear of losing all their financial stability?

 

Yes I think they do for sure. I think it is probably one of the main reasons people stay together in unhappy marriages (along with kids).

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Oh Grrrr! If this man, who wrote this was that unhappy than why would money have anything to do with it. Unless there are big bucks at risk here, money wouldn't be worth staying in a horrible marriage.

 

As for the kids, many men who are willing to keep the kids will get them, They don't always go the the woman. There is a split level of care here too, each parent can have equal amounts of time with the kids!

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Oh Grrrr! If this man, who wrote this was that unhappy than why would money have anything to do with it. Unless there are big bucks at risk here, money wouldn't be worth staying in a horrible marriage.

 

As for the kids, many men who are willing to keep the kids will get them, They don't always go the the woman. There is a split level of care here too, each parent can have equal amounts of time with the kids!

In theory and sometimes in practice this is true - increasingly true, in fact.

 

But I know so many men who hardly ever see their kids despite court orders and who get no assistance in enforcing their visitation rights. They pay their child support through auto-deduction from their pay - but that's as far as anyone is interested in their parental rights and obligations.

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I do not think its just 'men'... many women will stay in a marriage because of the kids and financial stability.

 

Each situation is unique. Not "all" women clean up and walk away with the majority of the assets.

 

I earn as much.. in fact a little more than my "x".. in the split we came out 50/50... with him getting a $$ payout. I can be bitter and say..."I" came out the shafted side... the child-support he pays comes no where near covering day care for the month let alone all the other expenses.

The list can go on...indefinitely.

 

No one ever wins in a divorce situation and it should be a last resort.

 

The statement that was made that if it weren't for the disparity in divorce laws going against the man there would be no marriage... made me laugh. "THIS" may have been true a few decades ago, not so today. Women are in the work force and can hold thier own. Most states have a 50/50 split when it comes to divorce law. Women do not "NEED" marriage as a... survival platform. Somewhere along the line its turned into a financial institution and thats wrong.

 

I have a male friend who "is" currently very bitter because he has to pay child support and spousal support for the next 4 years. His wife never really worked. They've been married over 20 years..and in our state, for every 5 years of marriage, one year of spousal support can be awarded.

 

"SPOUSAL" support. It could have gone the other way had she been the bread-winner.

 

Now... he does have to live in the "Tender-loins" for the next 4 years. True. But.. that means that his X has 4 years to get some type of training to be able to earn. Do you think that she will be able to achieve the same earning capacity within 4 years that he's been able to achieve in 20 years??? Not hardly.

 

While he was out in the work force for 20 years and being trained, she was at home doing all the menial tasks of raising a family and keeping a home. I'm sure she's quite capable of running her household like a C.E.O. but is she given credit for that in the "real" world? No. It will be very difficult for her to translate her skills into the real world and be able to earn a living.

 

She "has" to live in a safe area with good schools. She "has" to find a place of residence that is large enough for her children. Hense she'll spend more for those things. She doesn't have a choice. She can't huddle down in the "tenderloins" for a few years and save.

 

Both come out of this marriage on the losing side to some extent.

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I think you are darn right. I am considering divorce myself, because after 7 years of dating plus 7 years of marriage with a beautiful son, my life has become miserable. Fights every single day. She is a wonderful person, respectful, but I am his first boyfriend ever and she is extremely insecure. I don't know even know where the fights are coming from.

 

When I learned that I would need to share 50% of everything I've got, including my 401K, and then give 25% of MY part to my son, I fell off my chai. If that is true, go to hell, I would never marry again. That is simply insane. Yes, I think this system is unfair. We men should sustain the child, but no way give 50% of everything we've got to the wife. I may live the rest of my life miserable for that reason.

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No, I don't think it is just men, it happens that it applies to the majority of men. First of all, if you follow the statistics you will see that men make more money than women. There are some hard-working and smart women out there making big bucks too, but those would be the ones we could forgive and would not need to divorce

 

One thing is to live unhappy with a woman that is not good in sex and love. Another thing is to live with a woman who makes no money. Living forever unhappy with a woman who makes no money AND no good love and sex take the story to a different level though.

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So what this person is saying, is that men should be alowed to make babies with women and not support them afterwards if the relationship fails?

 

Or is it merely an opinion that the courts are giving the women TOO much out of divorces? (I have no clue what is true.)

 

ON the first point......I hope that's not what they're saying. I think if you don't support your child you should go to jail for a good, long time. Or, shoot 'em. You make a child, you support it. Simple as that.

 

On the second point - I do agree completely. I am a divorced dad who's wife cheated on him. Since I live in liberal ol' New England, she still got to keep our child, get outrageous child support (I make almost 3 times the average salary here and, thanks to the child support, cannot even rent an apartment on what is left over, while she has take n3 trips to Florida and bought a brand new car since the separation/divorce). And she also got to take my 401k and the bank account I had set up for our child's education, which has since been drained.

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In theory and sometimes in practice this is true - increasingly true, in fact.

But I know so many men who hardly ever see their kids despite court orders and who get no assistance in enforcing their visitation rights. They pay their child support through auto-deduction from their pay - but that's as far as anyone is interested in their parental rights and obligations.

 

Agreed. Fathers are nothing more than ATM machines in the eyes of the family court system.

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On the second point - I do agree completely. I am a divorced dad who's wife cheated on him. Since I live in liberal ol' New England, she still got to keep our child, get outrageous child support (I make almost 3 times the average salary here and, thanks to the child support, cannot even rent an apartment on what is left over, while she has take n3 trips to Florida and bought a brand new car since the separation/divorce). And she also got to take my 401k and the bank account I had set up for our child's education, which has since been drained.

 

 

This is absolutely the issue. Its sad but its based on the assumption that mothers are better parents than father.

 

There are also absolutely NO checks and balances in place to ensure the money is going to a good cause ie the child. One of my employees makes child support payments and when it was set to rise in accordance to a wage increase his ex said to him "great now I can buy more cigarettes."

 

Another great example is Paul Macartney who is set to lose 1/2 of 1.5 billion dollars. None of which his ex wife Heather Mills helped him make. If she had been around while he is making it that is one thing. But he had his fortune before and now she gets paid? Huh? Where is the logic here? The girl is a nobody who latched onto him and couldnt take it when he proved to be more of a public figure than her.

 

So yeah a guy being apprehensive about it I can definitely understand.

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No, I don't think it is just men, it happens that it applies to the majority of men. First of all, if you follow the statistics you will see that men make more money than women. There are some hard-working and smart women out there making big bucks too, but those would be the ones we could forgive and would not need to divorce

 

One thing is to live unhappy with a woman that is not good in sex and love. Another thing is to live with a woman who makes no money. Living forever unhappy with a woman who makes no money AND no good love and sex take the story to a different level though.

 

I agree... men do make more money than women.. and more times than not make more money doing the same job as a woman. That is entirely a different debate though. Yep... I guess I wouldn't divorce me either.... and thats why my "X" cried boo-hooo when I filed. I gave good wallet. And the circumstance for our divorce left me with no choice but to file. No one won here.. we both lost.

 

Women who do not work. I do not begrudge them anything. Taking care of a home and children is hard work. I work outside of the home... and believe me.. juggling home, children and proffessional job is difficult. However.. I'd go NUTS at home. Thats just the way "I" am wired.

 

Visitations... agree. Kids get short changed and the "outside" parent most times than not is short changed. Not fair. My "X" supposedly... attended anger management. But who knows... how can I trust he'll be "gentle" with kids while out of my eye sight? I do know my "X" is an alcholic.. how can I trust that he is "NOT" drinking and jepardizing the kids lives when in his care??? eeeeeekkkk. Almost a good reason to stay married just so you can "TRY" to keep kids safe. Divorce.. was the lesser of two evils for me. I've got to TRUST enough that he won't cross the line with the kids... and believe me .. I do. I bite my nails to the quick at every visitation. So far.. so good. Knock on wood.

 

We've got the standard visitation schedule. Every other weekend and every wednesday. However... he knows.. and its been agreed upon in front of magistrate that I'd be flexible. If he's got a yen to see the kids or take them to park etc.. call me. If he wants to be a "softball dad" great... no problem. MINE did NOT take me up on the offer. And who's fault is that???? he's missing the boat.

 

Agree... I've seen the opposite end of the scale where "X wives" keep the kids away. Its almost like they are using kids as weapon. Soooo sooo unfair to the kids. In the end its the kids who miss out.

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i think they do give women to much in a divorce..take it from me my woman makes 60 thousand dollars plus a year and took the cars furniture everything including the kids....the judge awarded her with it....i had a back injury i was trying to recover from and ended up with nothing,and was made to pay child support...i do not have a problem paying child support,but at least wait till i can find a job and not make the months add up to where i am now 1 year behind....believe me i am trying to find a job bad.

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Give women tooo much ??? i think not, most are stay home mothers, the hardest job out there.... 24/7 they work a lot harder than theyre husbands, and some on top of that work too but still manage to care for the house the children the husband the hamster and the dog.

Stay of home moms, earned 50% of the money assets etc just as the man did thereforeeee its rightfully theirs just as 50% is rightfully his.

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Give women tooo much ??? i think not, most are stay home mothers, the hardest job out there.... 24/7 they work a lot harder than theyre husbands, and some on top of that work too but still manage to care for the house the children the husband the hamster and the dog.

Stay of home moms, earned 50% of the money assets etc just as the man did thereforeeee its rightfully theirs just as 50% is rightfully his.

 

If it's that hard for them, why do they fight tooth and nail to keep the job after a divorce instead of letting him take on custody?

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That my friend is an excellent question.

 

I can only speak from personal experience. I worked at a proffessional job where I put in 50-60 hour work weeks. I came home and I did "ALL" the house work. When it came to the kids.. "I" was the primary care giver.

 

What does it mean to be the primary care giver? I was the one who walked the floors at night when a kid was sick. I was the one who cleaned up the vomit and changed every single poopy diaper. I was the one who slept in a sitting position at night when they had an ear-ache and couldn't they couldn't sleep in a prone position but up-right on my shoulder. I was the one who would then take the next morning and take them to the pediatrician. I was the one who took the temps and dispensed medication. I was the one who made "all" the decisions to child-care. I dressed them. I fed them. I bought their clothes.

 

I was the one who cooked and cleaned and chauffeured. I was the one who mowed the lawn, took out the garbage and kept the house clean. Washed all the laundry. I was the weather man who had to decide based on the weather what clothes to put out for them for the day.

 

I bought thier first bike... and put the damn thing together. I pulled their first tooth out for them. I took them to their hair cuts and bathed them at night. I was the entertainment co-ordinator and made birthdays, holidays and christmas happen. The memory maker. I'm the one they cry for in the middle of the night.. I'm the one they come to with thier boo-boos. I signed them up for softball and taught them to play ball. AND YES... I still did a job that took me away from home 50-60 hours a week.

 

You bet your sweet patoots I will fight tooth and nail for them. WHY? because he wouldn't step up to the plate and parent. And these kids...MY KIDS... need a parent.

 

BTW...I still do it all. The difference now is that I "DO" own it all. And it is.. "ALL" my job. I'm less resentful today then I was then because... there "IS" just only me. But thats "MY" situation and my reality. Others may be different.

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