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We're pretty young, but in love....


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and he proposed to me, and I said yes. We are going to be married on May 6, 2007.

 

But my parents and friends (only, his mom is excited, and a few of my friends are excited) are not happy about it at all. They say we are too young and aren't ready. I'll be 22 in 3 days and he'll be 23 in November. We met online 2 years ago, but have met in person many times...and he is finally moving here next month so we will be together in the same area have thought about this and have been talking about it for the last year. I am in love with him, he is unlike any other guy that I have ever met. We have both been through so much together and the distance has killed us, but I want him for the rest of my life and I know that he wants the same. I really feel like this is the right thing for us both. But my parents don't agree with it. They say that we're not ready and my dad especially does not support us being together. They think that we are "different" but they won't even take the time to get to know him. My mom doesn't so much not support it as think we're not serious about it. But i have already discussed this with David and told him that I am ready to do this with or without my parents support. I will be finished with school by May and we will be living together also. Really the only reason that we are waiting for May is so that I can finish school.

 

But are we too young? When my parents were married, my dad was 22 and my mom was 24...they were just as young as we are and have been together now for 23 years...which is why I think the "different" issue may have something more to do with it then us being ready...well i'll stop rambling now, and thank you for your responses in advance

 

angie

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I don't think you can really define an age which is too young to get married as such. If you are both truly in love and believe this is the best thing then you both must give it your absolute all to make it work.

 

I hope it works for you.

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i don't think you're too young either - it's when you are ready for the commitment and dedication and when it feels right.

 

but remember also, there is no huge rush to get married either. like you mentioned, you two are still young. i was also wondering how much time you have spent together in person?

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I don't think you are too young to get married. How much time have you actually spent together in real life?

 

Yes, I agree. My parents were in their early twenties when they met and they married about two months later. That was in wartime but their marriage lasted over forty years until my mother died.

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There is nothing wrong with getting married early (my mother married when she was 18). But I also agree with annie, that there is absolutely no rush to get married either. It will make a difference in whether you marry him tomorrow or in 5 years. The longer you can hold out, the more wiser and experienced you will be before you commit the rest of your life away. The more you know about him and your real chemistry before marriage, the better the chance of determining how successful a marriage will be!

 

Meeting the parents, and living in the same area/together are all things that should happen long before any talk of marriage and commitment begins to even filter. Don't get me wrong; very, merry congratulations and i wish you all the success and happiness with my heart. However, i interpret your post as a questioning and doubt in trust in your gut feeling (that is, concern about the marriage), and fortunately, or unfortunately, i always side with the gut feeling.

 

Good luck, Vfunkera

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I don't think age is an issue here, yes you are young but not too young to get married. Being in love is often enought to actually make the move.

 

The question I'm asking myself tho is how long have you spend together at the same place actually living together? I mean there are some things that you will discover about him only a couple of month after you moved in with him, what if there's a number of things that he does that make you fell out of love. No one wish it but sometimes it does happen.

 

Also, people around you seems to think it's a bad idea, does any of them want you to be unhappy? What I mean by that is that if they want only your happiness why would they advise against such a quick wedding? Do you trust your parent? I don't think their exemple is relevant for today's life, when they were young they lived in a world where divorce was not accepted and where you didn't have sex outside marriage.

 

So do you trust your family? If yes why ignore them totally and go against their advices? You know sometimes parents do know better and they only want the best for you. Would it really hurt to live with your boyfriend, let's say a year, before getting married?

 

I agree with vfunkera here, I wish you the best and congratulation for that happy news, but if you come here asking that question it's because you have doubts, why don't you talk with someone of your family you trust about them? Don't push those doubts aside too quickly because you'll learn soon enought that sadly love can be blind and that sometimes it make us do things against our better judgment.

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Hi and thank you all for your responses...

 

As for those that have questioned how many times we've been in eachother's presense in person, the answer is, we've seen eachother numerous times since february. Some of the times have been for only a weekend, but the longest time we've spent together was like 8 days...but it has been at least 1 time a month since february..and we will be living together until we are married in May, which my parents don't agree with also...

 

and in response to freeyourmind, while I do trust and know that my parents want the best for me, I believe that in this situation, that their wishes for me are a bit misguided. I do believe that it has something to, well maybe, to do with his race. I am black and he is white. While they have not come out openly and said that they don't like this, there have been little comments that they have said, especially my father, that would lead me to believe this. Also, Dave's childhood was one that wasn't that great. His father was barely there and when he was, it was not good. But some people deal with things in different ways, and he has used his past with his father to make himself more productive. And he is not in school, but he is a hard worker and would do anything for his family and people around him. He's even decided that he wants to take a few classes now and I was going to help him with the paperwork so that he can do that and help him get money for it.

 

They don't see him the way that I have come to know him. He is such a good person and would do anything for anyone around him, even if they don't deserve his help. He cares about everyone and I love that about him. I do a lot of volunteer work and want to continue to do that, he is the only one around me that supports me in this. He even comes with me to functions and helps! I can be my total self with him and am not subconscious in anyway with him. He makes me feel comfortable with myself and everyone else around me. I can't even find the words to describe him, he's perfect. I pray every day that I make him feel the same way that he makes me feel. And I just wish that they could see how happy we are together. I have no doubts at all that I want to marry him and want to be with him forever. I'm sorry that I'm going on like this, but I just don't understand why they don't see this or how they can't. When he comes down he stays here and he tries to sit and talk to them, but I don't know. My mom is better than my dad, but it makes me so mad that my dad just tries to act like he's not even there. It's horrible.

 

But thank you so much. I was just trying to see if maybe I'm being irrational about my decision and that my parents have a real reason to be worried about us not being ready, but I realize that I think its a problem that they're going to have to deal with. But I love him and they'll have to accept that or I don't know what. Thank you.

 

angie

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I am black and he is white. While they have not come out openly and said that they don't like this, there have been little comments that they have said, especially my father, that would lead me to believe this.

Sadly we live in a world where some people believe that being black or white make a difference, if it's the only worry your parents have toward your boyfriend then I think you're ok with him. You should give them time to see how good he is and eventually they will come to accept him as a family member.

 

I'm happy for you that he is so nice with you and that you found your special someone, but marriage is not something to take lightly. Maybe you could make an engagement party in may and then get married 6 months after that. I will give some time to your parents to accept the fact that you love him and that you want to be with him and you will have some time to live with him and see his true self. I don't believe he is a bad guy hidding behind a mask, but those things happen and you might want to be sure before you swear to God you'll be with him forever...

 

Be careful with your heart and remember Sheryl Crow song: "The first cut is the deepest".

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