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She say he's just a friend


turkcmilo
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My girlfriend of two years and I took a break for a what amounted to a week. Halfway through that week she is asked out on a date by a mutual "friend" that she works with. At first she agreed but then she decides no and wants to be with me and tells me about what happened. I call this guy and tell him how crappy asking out a friends ex is. He tells me that he doesn;t care what I or anyone else thinks and he says he will snatch her from me.

I'm piss and really hate this guy for the things he said. Me and my girlfriend get back together and things I still going well between us. She continues to talk to him on the phone and wants to hang out with him either alone or in a group. I don't think I am being insecure, it is right of me to be pissed. But how can she continue to want to hang out with him knowing how he tried to come between us. This was merely a week or two ago he obviously still has desire for her. I am so confused on how to handle this situation. Can someone please give me some perspective on what to do.

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did you tell her what he said to you? tell her she has to open her eyes and realize this guy isn't looking for a friend, but a gf. but i haven't been through that situation but i guess you have do to it in a way that she won't feel like your getting protective and all jeolous etc..

 

girls are naive sometimes and you need to somehow show her this guy friend isn't what he seems.

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personally, for a guy friend or even a close guy friend of mine, i don't talk to them everyday and i don't hang out with them on a daily basis, nor do i make my bf feel that " i want to hang out with my guy friend". Alone? that's too much. she has to respect your feelings!

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I think you should sit down with your lady and have a talk for sure. Definitely tell her what he said to you about "snatching her from you"...because it shows this guy's character is absolutely despicable... First of all, it's wrong to interfere with someone else's relationship like that and secondly he's probably perfected his "nice guy" act and got her thinking he's a "really sweet guy"...disgusting!

 

And maybe approach this situation as a way to get to know her better, an educational experience as much as a problem to solve. Tell her what happened between you and this guy and see what she says. Just give her the facts without your bias and see what she does with it. If she doesn't see the "forest through the sleaze" and still wants to be friends with this guy after what he said to you...I'd seriously reconsider having a relationship with her...

 

See which sides she takes...yours or his...you can't deny the truth that will tell you...and if she does take your side...keep an eye on this situation because guys like this other guy don't just disappear like that...

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I agree with frisco.

 

The idea is to be on the same side as your gf, and not let this guy and the whirlwind involving him wedge between you two. It's ok to dislike and be pissed at him, but try to keep a clear head when it comes to your gf.

If you want to be with her, best to talk to her about it first and foremost.

 

So, honest talk.

 

If she insists on seeing him or makes a big-to about it, then maybe there are a few lingering issues btw you two that need hashing out.

You broke for a week - which isn't long, at least not long enough for either of you to make big changes.

 

What led to the breakup in the first place? Are you two working to resolve it?

I think that is worth attention if you want things to work long-term.

There's a buzz after being apart for a bit and then getting back together, but then all the old issues will surface up with afury. So be prepared.

 

Perhaps this is as simple as your gf needing reassurance that you are going to be around and want to be with her 100%. If that's the case, she will take the steps to keep this guy off the scene and out of her life after your talk.

 

Good luck. Keep your cool, and keep in mind the end goal here.

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Dude, situations like these need to be handled very direct and matter of fact style. Obviously this guy is looking to disrespect you so you know you can't trust him and anyone who would ever say anything like that to me would be looking for some trouble from my end, but more importantly let's talk about the actions of your gf.

 

As for spending time alone with the guy, there's no chance that would happen. I wouldn't even consider it and if she gave me any stuff about it, I'd wave to her bye-bye because the relationship is done at that point anyways.

 

Basically it's going to come down to you or him, and if he's still in her life, she's made her choice by default.

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Well a new level just got added to this problem please take the time to read my post here:

 

By the way I have told her what he said and she dismisses it by saying what a nice guy he is and sayng he wants me and her to be together. It is also impossible for him to be 100% out of her life as she and him work together which makes this situation even more complicated.

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It is only her that he is chasing. He says that she is the only one he feels comfortable talking about things with. He talks about his problems and her problems together so they do have an emotional relationship of sorts.

Candy- I believe the lesson might be losing me which is something that is still a very important option for me at this point, because I don't feel she is putting everything into this and love shouldn't take this much work but I too am feel so bad letting go of 2.5 years of building what I thought was a solid relationship thats alot of invested time, and I would hate to see it end when I still have so much love for her inside of my heart. I just have so much trouble dealing with her issues and this whole recent situation.

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okay that's dangerous when two people start having an emotional relationship with each other. but something is already wrong though b/c a friendship based on people's problems is not a strong relationship. that tells you something about them.

 

some people break up and then get back together in months time or even in a few years ( has happened to some people i know). but ask yourself, do you want to spend another 1-2 years or more with someone that isn't 100% in the relationship when you could be finding someone else that appreciates you more? it's not about how many years, but think of do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? i'd personally feel sad if someone doesn't love me but stays in the relationship b/c they feel a need to b/c " your good to them" or b/c it's the 2.5 years invested.

 

i had two friends that went out with each other for 4 years, but so many problems, he still loved her even though she liked other people ( and broke up with him for it one time) but decided she didn't later like them....relationship did not work out. but now both of them have met someone else and are very happy!

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It's a tough situation but please be wary of keeping yourself in it because of time spent invested so far. I'm with candy604 on this.

 

This might be of no help to you, but two years into my relationship with my ex I decided to turn a blind eye to the red flags I was noticing. Massive 20 foot tall flags with 'he's not really committed to this' emblazoned on them. A lovely guy but kind of weak and flakey. My best friend kept telling me to look at the situation objectively, but I had been through so much bull to that point, and had felt we had turned a corner (until the latest incident), and there was no way I was going to let all that investment of time and emotion go. I was hanging in there no matter what.

 

Eight years later, through some big downs but many ups, when the guy had finally up and left with no warning because he didn't want a committed relationship after all, my friend reminded me of that decision I'd taken years before. He still teases me about that 10 year 'investment' and its payoffs.

 

It wasn't all bad, but it was a hell of a lot more hard work than seemed justified, particularly now i've had a fair bit of time to reflect and have a much more committed relationship. I guess my message is try to not tolerate much more than you would tolerate in a 'new' relationship. As time passes the 'investment' angle only intensifies - it still doesn't make it a good way to spend valuable years of your life.

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