kinda worried

[renaissancewoman101]

I am getting my life together. I start school right after Labor Day. I am now on some anti-anxiety meds. T is out of my life although I do miss him a lot. I still feel lonely and that all I have in my life, besides my parents, is this enotalone community. That is the scary part. I have been living here for almost 8 months now. I dont really have friends outside of this place. I spend most of my days on here, unless I am up by my parents or out running errands.

 

Why do I feel so lonely, even though I am trying to get my life together? I have you guys here as friends, yet I feel so lonely and like I am an outsider. I dont know. I feel like I dont click on here. Yet, this is the only place I have to call "home". I live alone, do most things alone.

 

I am afraid to start school, to find a job, because I have become dependent on this place for my solace, for my support. It is as though I shut myself in and come on here to look for support and friendship. Meanwhile, the sun is shining and life is chugging along.

 

I know I am very addicted to this place. When I was gone for 4 days out to Chicago, I nearly had an emotional meltdown because I missed being on here.

 

I am somewhat looking forward to school and somewhat not, because my time on here will be curtailed. When I first saw my therapist, I told her about enotalone and how much time I spend on here and she seemed concerned that I am shutting myself away from life and pouring it on here.

 

I am hoping the meds help me go out and live, not spend most of my days.

 

Although I count most you guys on here as good friends of mines.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Well I don't think it helped that your mother made you feel like you didn't fit in with society. I hope you'll be able to meet new friends at school.

[renaissancewoman101]

I hope I can make new friends at school.

 

I am looking forward to school and NOT looking forward to school.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Are you going full time? What program are you studying?

[Beec]

RW, sooner or later you should get out there and try. Like people on here, you'll find out that most people in the world are not so bad.

[renaissancewoman101]

I am only going part-time right now. I am finishing out my masters in teaching. I started working on the degree in Milwaukee, but I had some health problems that caused me NOT to finish. So now I am going to finish it out here.

 

I am taking two classes on Mondays and Wednesdays in the afternoons. I am also hoping to find a part time job since money is tight right now.

 

I will miss being on here as much, but I will be around the other days I dont have class.

[renaissancewoman101]

I am trying to put parts of my life back together and yet I still feel as though nothing is going my way.

 

I still feel lonely.

 

And I cant have what I truly want. I cant, and I am truly pissed at that.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Maybe you will meet study partners or meet people when you take breaks at the PUB.