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Please tell me im not the only one doing this


eschaton
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Im a 30 year old male, im in a bad relationship. Its causing me an incredable amount of stress low self esteem ect.

 

Im taking care of this woman and her kids. Ive been taking care of her for about 2 yrs now, about a year ago she lost her appt. and i let her move in with me as a "room mate" She occupies an emmotional space in my life as if she and her kids are my family. But we are not intamatly or emotionaly involved. For her i am her "best friend", i "save her life" and she is "so greatful to me." I care abou her a lot and want to make sure she is safe or ok.

 

I would date her but she would never date me and refuses to talk or think about it.

 

Anyway im living half a life. SHe dates who she wants and i supposedly date how i want. Men dont mind dating her in this situation. I seldom feel energy to date and when women see the situation im in its ipossible to continue.

 

Ive tried geting her out of my life several times. I have made her leave but i cant stand her being homeless and i brought her back.

 

I feel sad, i feel used, i just want a real realtionship. I want to take care of my girlfrind and her family. Not somone elses.

 

Well its going to end soon. SHe says she will turn hrself in soon (warrent). SHe just had a baby and wanted it to be a 2 months before she went away. When she does the kids will go with fathers and relatives. And i will go away as far as i can. until then i live half a life.

 

Do others do this? Am i a bad, weak person? She is not a bad person, she loves me in her own way. And i cant reject her either.

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I think it's not that you're a bad person, it's the exact opposite. You seem like you are willing to do anything for her, but doesn't seem like she fully appreciates you. You should concentrate on your own needs and wants. You deeply care about her, give her shelter, and support, but in reality what do you get in return? You are a good person, don't change that about yourself, but make sure that you also take care of yourself, and don't compromise your happiness for someone who won't do the same for you when you need it.

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thank you, i was feeling sorry for myself and was looking for sympathy. Im feeling a little better today but now let me finish my story.

 

i know im leading a f***up life and i know it was my choices.

 

I found somone i really liked and wanted a relationship with and she got hurt.

 

My roomate dates a lot, and men dont seem to have trouble with "our relationship". If i date as soon as women see her they run (she is very attractive, women get intimidated). But i finally find this girl i really like. Soon after that i ask my roomate to leave and i start dating this girl. About a week later i let my roomate come back and try to explain the situation to the girl im dating. Telling her its just for a short while till she finds a place. She says she understands. (its also a long distance relationship.) Well a week later she comes to visit me (it was this last weekend). And its good, i think. Well after she goes home she instant messages me and tells me she cant see me again. She says she had a lot of time to think on the way home and she is crying. She says when im with my roomate its like we are together and she is the third weel. I do everything for my roomate. I did not really notice at the time but it was true. I was always trying to "include her" but htats just the problem. When im hnaging out with my girl i shouldend be trying to "include her." Well thats why i was feeling sorry for myself. Now i just feel that "well i now what i was getting into and maybe in the big picture 2 months is not too long to wait till i can start dating again.

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I hope giving up a girl you could have had a relationship with for one who doesn't want to give you anything back was worth it in some way.

 

I think the difference with your roommate dating and her finding partners possibly has to do with what she tells them about you, why she lives there, etc.

 

But if you say in two months your life won't be as complicated then I wish you luck, and I hope you do your part in not sabotaging yourself, as it hasn't and won't get you anywhere.

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no the next two months are hell, but i can last it. This is really an im feeling sorry for myself thread. I wasted too much of my life, in a one sided relationship (it was a realtionship on my side and i was fooling myself into thinking i was just being friends, but only recently (after 2 years!!) had to acnowledge what it really was) adn i really hate myself. I would never hurt my roomate but i really hate her now. As soon as she moves out there will be no contact. It not fair that i hate her, its my fault, i was the one that made dicisions to hang around her. On the other hadn she is manipulative as hell. Still shes a good person. I really regret i hurt the one i should be with and possible ruind something good for myself.

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If it's going to be hell for you then do something about it, standing up for yourself won't make you a bad person, quite the opposite, because you are doing what's healthy for YOU, and you're the only one responsible for your well-being.

 

It's normal you feel anger towards your roommate, I don't think it was all your fault, it was 50/50, if she was a good person she wouldn't have manipulated you as you just said.

 

I sincerely hope you can let her go when the time is right, you deserve better.

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You are most definitely not a bad person, and I'd hate to see someone with a heart as big as yours, lose themselves in the mire. Not everyone would do something that nice for "a friend." I'm glad to hear that it won't be much longer before you can live your life in a way that can bring you joy. Everyone deserves to have someone in their life who is an equal partner, and is willing to give just as much as they get. I wish you happiness and hope, and finding a person who can appreciate someone with a big heart.

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