What would you think?

[shelly7]

Hi all. I'm not feeling so well today. If you're not familiar with my story, I was someone that got dumped my SO wasn't ready to take things to the next level, and luckily (I thought) found this website and went strict NC right from the beginning. A month later my ex contacted me and said he wanted to work it out. There was another girl during our break, that he claimed was just a diversion and meant nothing.

 

After a few weeks of hanging out and taking things slowly, he went away with a friend (Monday morning). I haven't heard from him since Sunday. His friend (that he went away with) is married and I know has taken time to speak to his wife (they have children and supposedly took one of them away with them) my ex hasn't called me. I'm beginning to doubt that he is even away with this "friend" and I'm beginning to doubt his feelings for me. I know it's only Tuesday, but I just need to vent.

 

I think I might regret getting back together with him. He still seems like he doesn't know what he wants. Now, I'm back to square one, feeling anxious and depressed. What if he doesn't call again today? Should I call him later today? I called Sunday night to say goodbye and my call went straight to voice mail. I didn't leave a message. I sent a text saying that I couldn't believe he didn't call to say goodbye. Yes, it is possible he didn't get my text and that he doesn't have reception at the summer house where he is, but come on. I'm sure he could find away to get in contact with me. I love him so much, but I feel like I'm chasing a dream that will never come to fruition. That "girl" from our break keeps coming back into my mind. Should I go back into NC or am I overreacting? Supposedly he's coming home tomorrow night. If he doesn't call by then I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Please note that even though I may come off as pathetic, I am capable of going NC, no matter how much it kills me.

[empty421]

think about it this way... if you really still wanted to be with him would you see another guy "just as a diversion"... i dont know but that wouldnt sit too well with me...

 

about the not calling.. i know how you feel, maybe not after we were broken up but when we were together... its like i know at times when he would make it seem like he COULDNT talk to me... i knew he could... there is always a way to contact someone when you REALLY WANT TO. Whenever I wanted to, although difficult at times, I would find a way.

 

I dont think he is lying to you about going with his friend... but if he makes excuses for not calling you I dont think you should believe them.. if his friend could call, couldnt he borrow his friends phone...

 

It is really your decision whether you should start NC, but i dont think you should call him... let him call you

 

i hope i could help a little bit.. im just starting to learn how to handle all of this because im in the beggining of the coping period i guess.. but the advice from others on this forum has really helped me

[shelly7]

thank you empty 421, i just feel so lost and confused. I just wish he would call.

[empty421]

trust me... i know how you feel... it hurts so badly and its all you can think about.. but after days and days of staying in my room by the phone and dwelling on it, i now have started to do other things.. ive started exercising again which i stopped for a long time, walking my dog, watching movies i love, spening time with family and friends, and going on here a lot of course... going to work helps too... anything to keep my mind off him calling

 

when he dosent i dont think about it until i am alone in my room again.. when he does i am happy... i think you should try to do other things.. whatever makes you happy and that you have to focus on so that you are not sitting by the phone waiting...

 

it makes time go by just a little bit faster..

 

hope i could help..

[empty421]

i am also very confused... he tells me he wants to be with me and that he loves me but then he acts like he is ok without me.. i have never been more confused in my life.. the only thing i can do is keep my mind off of it and think that if we are supposed to be together, things will eventually work out, if not it was for the better.. as much as it kills me to think that

[shelly7]

i know you're right, i'm going out for a bit today. I have to fake it and put on a smile, even though I feel like I'm dying on the inside, again. This insecurity is getting the best of me. I don't know what I did in my life to deserve this. Why can't he just love me the way I love him? I feel so alone. I really feel like I'm never going to be happy again. The past few months have been such a rollercoaster. Without him I'm miserable and now with him, I still feel alone.

[shelly7]

Empty421 it sounds like we are in love with the same guy. Why is it so easy for them to appear not to care?

[shelly7]

I'm losing it. I'm tempted to block my number and call his cell to see if he picks up. What am I thinking? I'm going to use this thread to try to vent without doing anything stupid.

[whatchamacallit]

Oh Shelly, I understand exactly what you're going through! It is truly a roller coaster. One that you don't know how to get off of. This is a similar problem with my former SO who comes and goes in and out my life. I don't hear from him for a while, making excuses why he can't come see me.

 

Then, when I finally get sick and tired of staring at the walls, sitting by the phone, someone asks me out and I go. THEN, my former SO makes an appearance and starts calling. It's like he has "radar" or something!

 

I think your former b/f wants to move on, but still doesn't want to lose you. Hence, he doesn't tell you what he's up to and keeps you second guessing where he's at and who he's with. He treats you like a "backburner" girlfriend wanting to keep you for his "rainy days". Anyway, that's the way I feel in my relationship. As soon as he gets a date or a girl that he likes, he'll dump you again. But, believe me....it's so hard to let him go for good. You know you ought to, but he offers something that's hard to let go of.

[shelly7]

I can't take the crying anymore. Just when I think I can't possibly have anymore tears for this relationship, it starts again. I'm an emotional person to begin with, this is torture. I need it to end. I have to set some kind of deadline in my own head and stick to it. This can't be healthy. I don't even know why I'm putting so much stock into a phone call today. I'm just so anxious.

[empty421]

our situations are, in fact, almost identical... i thought about the blocke dnumber thing over this past weekend too.. but then i decided that i shouldnt sink to that level... you are better than that... but until yesterday all i would do was dwell on the fact he wasnt calling me and call him thinking it would make things better.. it just made things worse and made me more miserable..i can honestly say that i feel better today (at least right now) with my decision to not contact him at all... althouth i will still pick up if he calls.. i took my phoen everywhere for the past week and now i am fine leaving it in my room when i walk my dog or watch a movie... it makes you feel a lot better as hard as it may be...

 

and yet, i will never understand how he can just be fine with everything and not feel like i do.. it seems so effortless for him... but then again he was never one to show his emotions when he was upset, and in this sitation i believe he would show me even less

 

im sure they hurt sometimes... or miss us sometimes.. but i do not believe they dwell on it like we do.. why they feel that way i will never understand... but as soon as yesterday afternnon i felt like if my word was ending and icouldnt take it... but now i feel like maybe, just maybe.. i will be ok one day

[empty421]

I can't take the crying anymore. Just when I think I can't possibly have anymore tears for this relationship, it starts again. I'm an emotional person to begin with, this is torture. I need it to end. I have to set some kind of deadline in my own head and stick to it. This can't be healthy. I don't even know why I'm putting so much stock into a phone call today. I'm just so anxious.

 

i have felt like this, like i said until today.. this is the first day i didnt wake up crying... the first time i havent wanted to cry.. the first time ive really believed that if we are going to be together it will happen in time, if not i will try to move on... and it will hurt me like hell but i hopeill find hapiness again..

 

im sure i will cry soon.. or at least want to... but at least this morning i feel strong.. its is in the afternoon it starts to really catch up with me... it will get better day by day.. i promise..

 

i literally thought i had no tears left to cry for the past week yet, up until yesterday it was all i could do.. at the drop of a hat... whenever you feel like crying or you are desperately waiting for a phone call.. go on here.. it takes your mind off of it and it really helps.. im on here a lot now and ill be glad to talk.... not just about the relationship, but about anything... we should both try to get our minds off of it as much as possible.. even if it is only for a little while...

[shelly7]

I understand your situation all too well. But, how long do we let them get away with this? In a matter of two days, my whole world just turned upside down, by him not calling. I know like your ex, he's not dwelling on it. I don't want to think that I'm the "backburner" girlfriend, I refuse to think that, because it feels like a slap in the face. If that where the case, why would he bother? I know, I know because he hasn't found someone else better yet. But, I really think that he just has a hard time expressing himself and he wants to take things slowly, which is what he said. I have to trust what he says, right? OMG, am I turning into one of those people that makes excuses? Am I not seeing the writing on the wall? This whole situation is making me physically ill.

[shelly7]

I'm going to go out for the day. I will update later if he calls and especially if he doesn't. Today is going to be rough. Thank you so much for reading and your support. The people on this site are really amazing. I'm going to try and not cry anymore.

[empty421]

im glad you are going out! i hope you have fun! ive gone through all those thoughts and excuses so many times over.. but the fact remains that we dont really know what they are thinking or why they are doing this and we never will... they may not even fully know... but we all make excuses at one point... ive made many and i still do... hopefully we will eventually realize that we shouldnt...

 

i refuse to accept that i am the backburner girlfriend too... i really hope that thats not what he considers me after everything we shared... i wish he would show me he cares but i cant make him... i have to stop hoping he will, only to be disappointed and feel worse...

 

my excuses are that maybe he is doing this because he really is overwhelemed right now with other things (he is finishing the fire academy and has the state test soon) and one of his friends from high school passed away and even though they were not close i know it still comes as a shock... but i know they are excuses.. because if he really wanted to be with me right now or really missed me nothing would stop him from showing it.. even if for a few minutes..

 

i know you will get stronger day by day... and doing other things is the best thing we can do... it wont just go away but it give you a few minutes or hours of peace... and when you start to feel it again.. do something else...

 

i wish you the best of luck getting through this and i am usually on here to talk/respond... i am going through it too and you are definetly not alone