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I was reading a very articulate post the other day on link removed and it inspired me to write this. I'm not a good writer and it probably won't amount to anything, but if it does help one person then that makes it worth it to me. Even if someone reads this and thinks '"What an idiot! I'll never let that happen to me! Look what happened to this poor bastard!"

 

I understand sex. I'm by no means an expert, but I understand the mechanics of it. I understand physical attraction. I comprehend the chemical reactions in my brain that cause me to look twice at somebody. I understand dating, commitment, loyalty and all the social stigmas attached to them. But what the hell is love? I've felt it before and I feel the inception of it now. I swore I would never let this happen to me again, and the same damn thing has happened!

 

Love is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me.

 

When I was 17 I enlisted into the Marine Corps. I met a chick 3 weeks before going into bootcamp. We fell in love. She waited for me while I was gone. I was in the Corps for a year (as a Reservist). I was discharged for medical reasons a year later. I have never been happier. I proposed to her. I was 19 and she 17. At the last part of our relationship she cheated on me. I took her back, being a big believer in love and forgiveness. She cheated again 6 months later, and I took her back. She cheated a third time, and after two months of deliberating I finally ended it. I bought a house, car, clothes, and a ring for this wh0re. She cost me my dream career and 2.5 years of my life.

 

After her, I shut down. I put walls in front of me. I set out on a mission to screw any and every girl I could, with no commitment. It didn't take long for me to crash and burn on this too. I was lonelier than ever. I finally got back on an even keel. Started taking care of my body. Got a new car. Some new clothes and style too. I put all my energy into re-enlisting. The military is my calling. After months and months of paper pushing I finally got back into the Army National Guard. I'm leaving for 4 month training in about 40 days.

 

Women perceive me as this ignoramus because I'm a grunt in the military and they assume I'm just another meathead. It surprised the hell out of me when I met a chick who actually took the time to peel away my layers. We talked for hours and hours. She found out I'm a sensitive, extremely articulate, devoted guy. And I met a woman who isn't a crazy *****. She is actually honest, loyal, not overly concerned with vanity, sincere, has morals (does not believe in pre marital sex, does not drink or smoke), is beautiful, and I could go on for pages. I could care less about sex with her. I want to wait and not cheapen it. Anyway, I am falling for her. HARD. I can't stop it. She feels the same way.

 

I told her that I would rather love and lose, then never love at all. The pain would be worth the outcome, if we got through the storm. But she wants to date around, but also wants to not lose what we have. Typical. I told her it's all or nothing. It's too late now, I'm already going to get hurt some way. She meets EVERY criteria I have for a perfect woman. I'm in the same predicament I was in before. No matter what I do, I can't stop what is now in motion. We will either end up head over heels in love, or give up and completely kill what is there, like everybody else would do. I'm still waiting for her to make a decision...

 

I want to live with no regrets.

 

The point to all this depressing crap? Don't ever put yourself in a position to fall in love. Every aspect of a man and woman can be analyzed. Except love. There are no rules, boundaries, or limits to what love can do. It can never be harnessed. It will make you soar, and then it will brutally murder you. Call me an idiot, or a hopeless romantic, but I want to succeed at this game. Any fool can go ask for a woman's number and have sex with her. I want to be one of the few men who can love a woman, be loved back, and actually abide by and grasp "Till death do us part".

 

Will it be this one? Probably not. But tomorrow is another day, and who the hell would I be if I didn't try?

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