Worst FWB story? Help me out here...

[sillygurl]

Hi forum!

 

OK, I think I've become a "friend with benefits" to my ex...I do NOT want this, but it's a little late for that now. I know I need to initiate NC with him- for my own good, and so that I can heal and move on. I'm getting a little better at cutting the contact down each day, but deep down, I know I need to end the whole thing completely.

 

Are there any of you out there who have gone through this, any of you who wouldn't mind sharing a disaster story, or even a sage warning with me? Since I keep being weak and falling for him again on my own, I'm hoping to learn from your mistakes, if that's ok... I just need a mental reference tool to remind me that what I'm settling for is not wise. Maybe once I know the worst case scenario, I'll be able to figure out how to extract myself from this situation gracefully.

 

I'd really appreciate your help on this, I feel terribly weak and foolish!

Thank you!

[Viper62382]

Please feel free to search for my threads. They are disaster stories, read them go thru them, and see the progress I have made. You will learn ALOT from my mistakes.

[Goldfish6888]

Yes. I went through this - all through my 20's. I met shall we call him T, when I was 23. He could'nt decide betweeen me and his other girl. I kept trying to break up with him and then I would contact him again - saying how much I missed him etc...After about 7 years of this on-off sequence which a) threw me into the depths of depression, affected my social life b) made me less confident. Finally, finally I was able to let him go. What happened was - he told me he was marrying the other girl. We ended up drinking and then sleeping together. His cellphone rang and it was her, I guess she was coming over to his apartment. I never saw anyone dress me as quick....putting on my socks, rushing me out of his place. I felt like a hooker or something, not someone who he loved. I guess thats when I knew he never respected me. Why? because I didn't respect myself. If I did I would not have put up with it. I would have said - hey I'm worth more than this! Hey I deserve a man who loves me to bits, who wants to be with me, warts and all.

 

So what I'm trying to say, is I don't think you are foolish - you are just a fool for love. Emotions make us do these things. BUt when you can step away from it (with NC) you start to see how foolish you are. You need to respect YOU and not him. You need to begin again with you. It took me about 2 years to fully forget this man...and I guess I still have some of the insecurities from spending most of my 20's with him. Wanting, hoping, wishing, praying it would work out. You just need to step away - to see the forest from the trees. NC is the hardest - when you feel someone is your soulmate. I think its time you got selfish and thought of you for a change!

[sillygurl]

OMGosh, Thanks you guys, for sharing your stories with me!

 

Ok, I have definite fuel to start keeping me strong....I can picture him getting me dressed quickly in order to get me out of the house as a means of protecting the feelings of the woman he REALLY loves, (ouch) and I can imagine the pain I'd feel if I found out he planned to marry another, despite my patience, years down the road. (ouch times two) This helps, and it's not a good day, I really needed this! These scenarios sound so painful...I can't imagine what it took either of you to get through them! Thank you all for caring enough to post!

[badburnz]

I've never done FWB, looks too damn dangerous.

 

From my perspective though, if you want to have strength, think about how quick you had to dress, then think about the guy that the girl he really loves is actually going to get.

[sillygurl]

I've never done FWB, looks too damn dangerous.

 

Yeah, exactly, it is TERRIBLE!!! I didn't go out of my way to become this, I thought we were still together! (and apparently I am an enormous dip sh**)

 

The lessening of my importance to him, aka becoming FWB, happened during a period while I thought we were together, but that the relationship had become strained. It was after an argument that I had attributed to stress, but that I now know he'd interpreted as an ending. Total lack of communication...bad all around...I just want it to end before the degradation I have allowed myself to tolerate becomes greater than that which I can mentally accept. Things where I live are really tough right now, and it takes everything in me to get out of bed in the morning and soldier on to each new dawning day....It may sound like I'm exaggerating the negatives for dramatic purposes or whatever, but I'm actually trying to be honest about the limits of my sanity to myself for the first time in almost a year: I'm sure I really can't handle whatever the eventual blow that being a FWB is likely to entail, so I need to find the courage to end this entire relationship before I sink even lower. In order to do that, I need to be realistic, and since I have no previous experience in this arena, that's why I asked to hear other posters' input...

[annie24]

ok - here is a disaster story - I wound up in a similar situation with an ex. we were on/off FWB and friends, but had dated years ago. we were long distance. I still had feelings for him.

 

He invited me to a new year's eve party. I said ok, but that I didn't want to go if his new gf was there. he said, "don't worry, don't worry." I made a move on him, and he brushed me off. And guess who showed up later? yup. the new gf and I got to watch him gaze into her eyes as they danced.

 

yeah, that was the worst new year's ever. I'm actually leaving out even more details, but trust me, the night was bad. ugh. don't spend new years with your ex!

[sillygurl]

 

Aaargh, what an a**! How nice of him to completely slime his way past telling you the truth, that she really would be there! You must have felt humiliated...I really need it to be over with my ex, nothing good will come of his being in my life in this way... I wish I could figure out some magical thing to say that will get him to turn back in to the wonderful guy he was earlier in the relationship; but since that isn't going to happen, I guess I need to figure out how to tell him that I'm not interested in degrading myself anymore.

 

(....though, truth be told, it is kind of fun! ha ha ha!)