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i feel lost


in_the_mirror
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so it finally happened to where i believe that i might be pregnant....and i'm too young. i'm ready to go off to college in a week and i'm completely freaked out. my b/f is worried to and wants me to get an abortion if it comes to that...but the thing is both ways if i keep it or not, i'm not mentally stable enough. i'm afraid. i'm mad cuz my b/f isn't giving me what i need i.e. love and compassion just a little to make me not so depressed before we actually know what is happening.

 

today i had to drop him off at work and i went back to the house and did our laundry until i had to go back and drive him around some more. while i was doing laundry though his sister (who is 15) let the dog eat all of my bath essentials, after i did some of her laundry also...so yes i'm a little mad but it's like this on a daily basis i feel like i have to babysit teverywhere i go and that i just have to do everything and i'm getting nothing in return. but my b/f told me we could do some stuff that i wanted after we got off work...ok so i wanted to sit down with some subway and watch a movie me and him... he got off work at 8:15 and decided that he needed to help his friend instead of going to subway.... ok then fine subway just set me off finally and i broke down and started crying, things havent' gone anywhere near where i wanted them to go for atleast 4 years. so i just started crying about everything and he held me and whatnot asked what he could do, but when i'm like that i have no idea. so his friends came over unannounced somewhat and he turned all his attention to them, and started drinking with them. i got so mad i just left and told him to go entertain them they are more important and always have been.... this is all so hard right now i just can't handle any of this i have no idea what to do.....i love him but he can just be so selfish, i don't think he realizes how scary and depressing this is for me.....

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Inthemirror - try to calm down. Being stressed will only make things worse.

 

I'm assuming you missed a period?? Sometimes stress can delay that too. Try not to worry until you know more.

 

As for your bf - maybe he needs a wake-up call about how serious you are and how stressful this is for you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So what if you are pregnant, congratulations and enjoy it! You are about to have the best friend of your whole life, your child! And don't worry, billions of other mothers have been pregnant and have had babies too. I know you're concerned about college, etc, but most of the mom's in the world have never went to college, they didn't need too, they were full time moms. They did fine and their children turned out fine too. Just pray and ask for God's help. Tell your family the nice news asap and the nice ones will help right away, the other ones will come around because a baby brings out the best in people.

Take care and God bless you,

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Been there. Best thing to do is take a test as soon as you can to know for sure. Thinking you're pregnant is probably one of the most stressful times ever,but stay calm (or try to) and just hope for the best. Only you will know what to do if you are. Sounds like your boyfriend seriously needs to grow up. Do you two live together? He needs a wake-up call, and fast. Please take a test and let us know. If you need to vent or whatever, feel free to PM me

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So what if you are pregnant, congratulations and enjoy it! You are about to have the best friend of your whole life, your child! And don't worry, billions of other mothers have been pregnant and have had babies too. I know you're concerned about college, etc, but most of the mom's in the world have never went to college, they didn't need too, they were full time moms. They did fine and their children turned out fine too. Just pray and ask for God's help. Tell your family the nice news asap and the nice ones will help right away, the other ones will come around because a baby brings out the best in people.

Take care and God bless you,

 

As nice as it would be to ask for God's help, God isn't going to help her raise this child, pay to feed and clothe it, give them a safe palce to live and educate her.

 

The hard truth these days is that in order to make a decent salary in order to raise a child and not live paycheck to paycheck, parents (at least one of them) needs to go to college and further their education. Of course that does not mean that parents who don't go are not able to be excellent parents- neither of mine ever went- but for them it was a constant struggle to feed and clothe us and put a roof over our heads. The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. That doesn't touch college tuition. Making a decent salary does not automatically make you a good parent, either. What it does is it helps in meeting the expenses of child care, clothes, food, transportation, medical bills and insurance, rent, and other costs of living and raising a family.

 

It is certainly not easy raising a child alone, and the odds are that much more against you when you have barely a high school education and no job skills to speak of. Especially the way today's economy is. A good book to read if you want to learn more about unskilled/uneducated workers trying to get by today is "Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) getting by in America", by Barbara Ehrenreich.

 

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There is nothing wrong with praying and asking for God's help and support. Spirituality can be very comforting and inspiring. But you also need to be realistic about logistically how you would raise this baby as a single mother with no secondary education and minimal job skills.

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So what if you are pregnant, congratulations and enjoy it! You are about to have the best friend of your whole life, your child! And don't worry, billions of other mothers have been pregnant and have had babies too. I know you're concerned about college, etc, but most of the mom's in the world have never went to college, they didn't need too, they were full time moms. They did fine and their children turned out fine too. Just pray and ask for God's help. Tell your family the nice news asap and the nice ones will help right away, the other ones will come around because a baby brings out the best in people.

Take care and God bless you,

 

This is pretty dangerous advice to be giving a young mother to be. You're essentially telling her to stop worrying, everything will just fall into place on it's own.

 

More than likely, it wont. She needs to realize what a huge responsibility it is to have a child, and what SHE needs to do to raise this kid right. Relying on other people, ditching college, and not relying on your partner to bring home enough money for 3 people is an incredibly risky thing to attempt.

 

I'm not saying mana will fall from heaven, but that it's best to prepare for the worst.

 

And as a general note, i dont hate babies, young mothers, or people who defend teen pregnancy but i have to say that being pregnant at a young age isnt nice, good news, or even happy. It's a social, financial, and emotional disaster that people must make a reasonable attempt to avoid. I'm not saying you should out tell your kid when he's 8 that he was a broken condom, but that we should treat young prenancies as the problem that it is, one that needs to be solved instead of a behavior that is responded to with emotional swaddling and fuzzy feelings all around

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