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Post Breakup Depression.


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Hey everybody..I just really need to write to get some stuff off my chest. Its been 6 weeks since my girl left me after 3.5 years and NC me. I was feeling ok a few days last week, and then hit an overwhelming few days of miserable depression that i have been in since. i keep blaming myself for maybe taking her for granted at times..and the what if i did this mentality. i have also been really struggling with my self-esteem..both physically and mentally. i never thought in a million years my gf would leave so abrubtly--and shut me out of her life like that. i knew she loved me, but known we had too many logistical issues to be together. and maybe this is her cowardly way of dealing with it--to not deal with it at all and shut it out of her mind. she jumped right into the arms of some other guy, and it rips me apart knowing that he was probably in the picture and gave her the resolve to do this. i could really use some advise to pick myself up. i know i am a great guy and deserve better than that. i thought we could at least have a civil conversation after the breakup but nothing..she may never call me again. anyway.. i am in strick nc for over 3 weeks and will remain that way. im just really struggling over here i know i will never take her back if the opportunity presented itself.

i just want to feel normal again.

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First of all, don't blame yourself. Second of all, you DO indeed deserve better. You will go through ups and downs, a rollercoaster effect as you get over your ex, just hang in there and try to get off the ride. Exercise has helped me incredibly dealing with the break-up, it helps you take control of your health and your body, and is a NATURAL anti-depressant, effecting serotonin levels, just the same way anti-depressant medicines do, (many anti-depressants are serotonin reuptake inhibitors). Give exercise a try!

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Even if you did do something in the relationship which facilitated the breakup, and I am not saying you did, you MUST realize that blaming yourself is NOT going to help you now. Make amends by focusing on forgiving her and forgiving yourself.

 

You will feel normal again. Time to focus on yourself right now though. Keep NC going, keep fit and healthy, focus on other relationships and building new ones and read the countless threads here at ENA forums, as they will indeed help also. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

 

Orlander

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yeah.. i need to focus 100% on myself. this was her decision.. and she will have to live with the repurcussions.. so i hope she made the right decision because it will kill me if she comes back.. (although i will help the ego). it will open up a whole new level of confusion if she realizes that the grass is not greener when the honeymoon of a new person is over. i cannot compete with that right now so i just need to let her go..which i am trying so hard to do. I very proud of how i went out. I only called her 1 time, sent her a beautiful letter. after she did not respond to anything, i left with my dignity, self respect, and grace. i wished her well and went NC. my uncle told me to never give her anything to embolden her decision. leave with class. which i did.

 

i just need to get my confidence in myself back. rejection is not fun. that is for sure..thanks people! this site is a godsend.

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"Leave with class." I like your uncle's advice! Cheers to you for following it!

 

I have a little advice of my own - turn it around a little bit. You're concerned with her impending realization that the guy she's now with will turn out not to be as good as you. This is perfectly understandable, but unadvisable.

 

What I would suggest is thinking about it differently. She's in the arms of another man - so what? YOU left with class. You said it yourself. YOU'RE the classy one. She's not. That should be enough for you to move on. Stop thinking about whether or not she'll find happiness with this new guy. It's her life now.

 

When my ex started dating someone immediately after we broke up, I was torn to shreds. Something I found that helped me immensely was that any time I thought about him, I would picture him with her. If I was sad on a weekend, I would imagine him taking her on a romantic date. If I woke up thinking about him, I would picture him waking up with her in his arms. As perverse as this sounds, it helped me move on pretty quickly. After about a month of thinking like this, I can say I'm almost 100% back to my old self. I don't even think about him that much any more!

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well i know i can never be with her again because of how she handled this breakup. i will never be a consolation price, or second best. and you are so right.. it is her life, and i really hope she finds her happiness.

i just need to find mine..and spend 100% of my effort working on it. i guess it is the companionship i miss..just sharing our accomplishments. i feel like she was the one i let get away..but hopefully, one day, i will meet a girl who will never leave me and cause me this much pain.

thanks fine whine

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I am trying not to do the same... put all the blame on myself. Its tough though because all my faults stick out like sore thumbs. Its amazing how hard it is to remember all the good things I did for us and her but the bad things are so easy. Noone deserves to be left like that for another especially after so many years together. In my case all I got was a stinking note and no chance to talk things over to see if the relationship of 4 years could be saved.

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I am trying not to do the same... put all the blame on myself. Its tough though because all my faults stick out like sore thumbs. Its amazing how hard it is to remember all the good things I did for us and her but the bad things are so easy. Noone deserves to be left like that for another especially after so many years together. In my case all I got was a stinking note and no chance to talk things over to see if the relationship of 4 years could be saved.

 

i hear you.. i got a uncontrollably sobbing "im not happy" and "follow your dreams" and no turning back. i packed my car and left.

everyone i knew was completely shocked and told me i would eventually talk to her..3.5 years, and i just wished we could've at least talked about it under calmer circumstances.

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yeah thats the thing if we could have talked I know she wouldnt have left...she was not being rational and she was stressed from alot of other things like work that week... but then again like someone else said on here you shouldnt have to work so hard just to get someone to stay with you. She might have left anyways later on. I will never understand it. I think I could have accepted her back but knowing she left with someone else down the road trust would have been shot completely. I would have had to be superhuman and I am not sure any amount of counseling would have helped...maybe

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People who just up and leave after being in a long term relationship with little or no fair warning are pure cowards and it would be the rare occasion that these people went on to find loving, long lasting relationships.

 

Those who live and love with their hearts, without fear and with gratitude do not have changes of heart or up and decide to leave one day. They are conflicted people who do not know their own hearts. Once you get passed the anger and regret stage of the breakup it is tough at times not to feel sorrow for these people.

 

 

Orlander

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People who just up and leave after being in a long term relationship with little or no fair warning are pure cowards and it would be the rare occasion that these people went on to find loving, long lasting relationships.

 

Those who live and love with their hearts, without fear and with gratitude do not have changes of heart or up and decide to leave one day. They are conflicted people who do not know their own hearts. Once you get passed the anger and regret stage of the breakup it is tough at times not to feel sorrow for these people.

 

 

Orlander

 

its hard to take man. it is like they passed away. i would'nt never of thought that we wouldnt talk about us at least one more time.. but its water under the bridge at this point.

"..one more drink and i'll move on."

dmb.

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Those who live and love with their hearts, without fear and with gratitude do not have changes of heart or up and decide to leave one day. They are conflicted people who do not know their own hearts. Once you get passed the anger and regret stage of the breakup it is tough at times not to feel sorrow for these people.

 

 

Orlander

 

So true. The few that I dated that didn't know what they wanted and those that I saw in relationships with others that didn't know what they wanted don't seem to figure out what it takes to make a successful relationship. They just jump from one person to the next. Or worst case scenario, one guy ended up with the woman he cheated on his wife with. They are a miserable couple that hate each other but they're both too old at this point to start over.

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hey all, i decided to write in my original thread tonight because i have a bad urge to call her. im closing in on 1 month NC and do not want to mess it up.

she is still consuming my thoughts, although grad school has been a great distraction since it is keeping me busy as hell. it is impossilbe not to think of her in the downtimes, so i am just not going to fight it right now. physically, i am slowly seeing signs of healing.. im sleeping better, eating better, feeling somewhat more enegetic. mentally, i am up and down like a rollercoaster.

 

i go from being very angry that she left me the way she did, to really depressed and sad missing her. the combo of the two just makes it all too confusing. i am trying so hard to not beat myself up over all the things i should've, could've etc. but i don't know if they would've made a difference. i know that i did have my own doubts, real doubts, and maybe she felt them and got scared. i know she was talking to my sister about how she wanted to marry me, just back in the springtime....who knows..bottom line is she dumped me, told me she was emotionally drained, and started seeing somebody 2 weeks later. i am not a dumb man, and know that this person was in the picture, whether she was hooking up with him, hooked up with him, or just had interest. once we went through some rough months, she just left without even trying to work on it..never to speak to me again. that is the most difficult part to deal with by far- never getting to have a civil talk

 

so where do i go from here? i can wallow in my own misery or can make the most out of my life.. i have an amazing opportunity ahead of me with this internship and will focus all my efforts into it for now. as much as i miss her, i know i could never take her back after she hurt me this bad..now there is trust issues, and resentment on my part. for her to walk away from 3.5 years like it was nothing to her is the dealbreaker for me..

 

for all i know, she is devastated herself right now and this guy is nothing more than a distraction and the supressing of the realization that we are over. but i dont think this is the case..she must really think the grass is greener with this guy, because she is rolling the dice right now..as much as i want it to blow up in her face, it might be best for me if it works out for her, and she stays out of my life for good...as much as i want her to call me telling me she made a mistake, i know it would set my healing back signifcantly. that said, i just need to keep on walking away and shut the door to her...it is just really heartbreaking because i miss her so much.

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Hang in there TBD sounds like you have some positive things going on despite the hell your going through. I can understand the feelings being a rollercoster. Man I feel the same way sometimes angry, then briefly relieved that I dont have the burden of a relationship that wasnt all it appeared to be apparently, then incredibly sad. I miss the ex or who I thought the ex was then I think of the dealbreaker she is also and I feel that anger and betrayal. Take care

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As painful as losing this girlfriend is and will be getting the next girlfriend is going to be just as equally great. Because you deserve so much better and you did nothing to deserve this. So great things are on the way even though it seems impossible to see that now. Obviously the dream was accurate because she did avoid talking to you about anything that was troubling her and instead decided to take the 'easy' way out. Thats ok she decided to be part of the problem in this world instead of the solution. Another person leaving a committment because things were just a little tough or little less than perfect. Another person living in denial like 95% of the population. Instead of like some of us on here willing to do whatever it takes to be better and loyal and honest and committed. The more I find out about my ex and see her comments online the more I realize her true colors as if leaving without any notice after 4 years wasnt enough to make me see that. Anyone who leaves like that there is no way that the good about them outweighs the bad. There has to be something much better on the way.

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