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Why Did I Do That For!?


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WHAT ON EARTH DID I JUST DO!?!?

 

I went out with my boyfriend today, I really love him, he is a really awesome guy... I let him finger me (he asked me if I was ready etc and I said yes, I thought I was ... I guess Im not) and now I feel really bad!

 

I was crying while I was driving home and I nearly had an accident!! Its bringing up bad feelings of my past, im becoming disgusted in myself again, I feel like I want to run infront of a truck or a train! I feel awful!

 

He knows something is wrong, he kept asking me what but I kept saying nothing. I want to throw up. Im so disgusted! What do I do?? Please help me before I do something really stupid!

 

Im going to take a really long shower first, I want to wash everything away...then I'l see how I feel, If I still feel bad... I dunoo... Ive never felt this bad in my life! The situation with my ex (attemped rape and sexual abuse) was nothing compared to how I feel! By the way this is the first guy Ive done anything with after my ex who abused me.

 

Oh god, I feel so disgusting

 

EDIT: Do I tell him how I feel? What should I do???? ....I feel like TRASH!!

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Of course you must tell him how you feel, otherwise he's going to think he did something wrong, which he didn't.

 

You didn't do anything wrong either, but it is very important that you are open with him about this as your relationship progresses. When you talk to him, tell him what you've relayed here - that you thought you were ready for him to finger you, but LATER, you realised you weren't.

 

Make sure he's completely clear that it's not his fault - tell him, if you feel able to, that this is a result of your past, NOT him. If he's a great guy, you don't want to lose him through lack of communication.

 

Good Luck

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I think you should talk to a counselor. since you were abused and almost raped, you need to work through these issues before heading down the next sexual relationship. you need to confront your memories of the past and work through them so you can have a normal, healthy sex life one day. And in the meantime, tell your bf you need to slow down.

 

please get help

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