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he's single...now what?


toonicegirl
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i got a strange message form my ex last night... i messaged him today cause i had no clue what was going on...to make a story short i found out that somebody logged in on some website (i dont know which one) and sent something to my ex with my name on it !!! ... first i thoght that my ex was joking, so i was like :stop joking, grow up... but he was like i can show you this, im not joking...

 

he believes that it wasnt me, but he was like: i just thought that you heard that im single again (!?) and that's why you sent it to me...

 

so he's single again...we stayed in a friendly touch for about last two months but we never saw eachother since the break up (4 months now)...

now i feel like i cannot be his friend anymore, like i have to back off..i dont think he wants me back, but he thinks that i still have feelings for him (he joked about it few days ago)...

 

i do have feelings for him but i've never said it or done anything to show it...he was the one that was breaking nc...reading my blogs and sending me messages on my cell

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well just let him think what he wants it doesn't matter to him unless you want something....it sounds like he is pretty full of himself....just ignore it.

 

 

what if i want him back? i know that it's too soon so now im just happy that his not with this girl (she was one of the reasons that my relationship failed)

 

now im playing cool...

 

i just wish i'd have the power to make him want me again... and then decide if i come back or not ...i know it's stupid

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sounds fishy, I wonder if he's pulling something to get back in touch with you...maybe he joked about you still having feelings for him so that h could find out if you do?

 

Be really happy and busy doing important things next time he calls, to show him that you've moved on and your life is happy and full without him. And just to prove it, don't call him! Maybe it'll make him make a better effort to get a slot in on your full schedule.

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sounds fishy, I wonder if he's pulling something to get back in touch with you...maybe he joked about you still having feelings for him so that h could find out if you do?

 

Be really happy and busy doing important things next time he calls, to show him that you've moved on and your life is happy and full without him. And just to prove it, don't call him! Maybe it'll make him make a better effort to get a slot in on your full schedule.

 

for me it sounds a little fishy too

 

but i can believe that somebody could do that though (like send message with my name on it...i found that website)...

 

i'd say that my ex doesnt want me back...i think he would do much more, like messaging me everyday or calling me (we dont talk on the phone, only text messages and myspace)... i found out that he's single yesterday but im not gonna change the way i kept our friendship...

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i'd say that my ex doesnt want me back...i think he would do much more, like messaging me everyday or calling me (we dont talk on the phone, only text messages and myspace)... i found out that he's single yesterday but im not gonna change the way i kept our friendship...

 

Good for you toonice, keep it up! He might not have done more if pride is getting in the way, but still, you don't want to be his rebound either. You have your pride to think of! Don't reply if you don't absolutely have to. People are often just like dogs, if you chase a dog, he thinks you're playing a game and runs away, if you run away he comes running to you! (I know I've done it)

 

I'm doing everyting in my power not to go running after my ex, I want him to run after me....

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even though he told me yesterday that he's single, the way he told me this makes me back off for a while...it's not really hard though...

 

i actually feel like he was single for last two months, when he broke nc sending me message on myspace that he likes my pics (!?) .... who'd do this being in fresh relationship... you are not supposed to message your exes when your interested in somebody else... well...his a big mistery for me now...

 

and yeah i have my pride !!!... if he wants me back he has to do much more then sending me stupid messages, like he saw me driving and that he saw my new haircolor through the car window

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Right on, stay strong and make him work for you!!

 

That message about the haircolor is really lame! (unless he's a hairdresser, lol) I'd think it means he's either having second thoughts or playing you. Since he was in a fresh relationship, and the beginning is when you're least likely to think about your ex, I would lean more towards the latter, but only you know him well enough to know for sure. It's like he told you he was single to open up a door...but what does he think, that you're going to fall through it?

 

If you run into him, try to be the image of confidence. Everyone is attracted to confidence!

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sometimes i'm so mad that things are not black and white... well... like i said, for me nothing really changed...

 

he's really busy now and i know that there is a lot of girls that he can have...that's why im not rushing...what makes me think though is why he stayed in contact with me being really busy and for sure having a lot of people that are expecting him to contact them whenever he finds time...

 

i think he might be playing me too...but you know sometimes you can think that you're a player but rules change and you're ending up being played on... haha...and this is what i want to do

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It sounds fishy to me, too. And if another girl is one of the reasons why your relationship with him failed, I would not act on your desires to get back with him. Yes, the desire to is a bit natural, but actually getting back with someone who replaced you so fast with someone else - or worse, was involved with her while you two were together - is not something I recommend. You deserve and CAN GET better than that.

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It sounds fishy to me, too. And if another girl is one of the reasons why your relationship with him failed, I would not act on your desires to get back with him. Yes, the desire to is a bit natural, but actually getting back with someone who replaced you so fast with someone else - or worse, was involved with her while you two were together - is not something I recommend. You deserve and CAN GET better than that.

 

i know what you mean, that's why im not doing anything... the only thing that makes me feel good about him being with her is that he knows now that grass isnt greener... i kind of wanted him to find this out... i, myself had this thoughts that we were too different to make things work... and there were moments that i thought that maybe they're perfect for eachother... i guess they're not anyway im happy that what goes around, comes around... and this girl will finally learn to respect other people relationships

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I wouldn't be too harsh on judging him... After all, people make mistakes... And sometimes you have to try something else to be sure that that's not what you want and perhaps to appreciate something what you had....

This is what probably happened to your ex.... I think he is interested in you and you have good chances of getting back together, but you have to play smart if you want that.....

I think that, at this point, he is just intrigued about you and probably pretty sure that he can have you again. You have to act in such a manner to create a doubt in his mind about his certainty..... With his statement that he is single again, he is giving you bait, bait which you shouldn't take.... Don't change your behavior towards him significantly, stay friendly and platonic and appear that that is all you want..... Make sure not to be prompt in replying to his text messages and NEVER initiate texting.... Bcs we know that he will do it, so, why reveal yourself too much if you don't have to.... When your communication comes to the phase of seeing each other, make him wait...... make an appointment, then cancel it, or see him once, and after that don't contact him, and when he proposes second «date», don't accept it, say you are busy or have other things planned... Play with him for a while...make him start to chase you.....

And when you see each other, appear that you only want to be friends with him.. Don't spell it out, but have that attitude.... End the date first, be friendly, but cool.....

 

You have to make him want to BADLY, because it will be better foundation for the long term relationship..... If you let him have you too quickly, without much effort, there is a possibility that he will soon start to loose interest!

 

All the best!

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Thanks Cathy1... i really liked your advice... this was what i needed

 

Don't change your behavior towards him significantly, stay friendly and platonic and appear that that is all you want..... Make sure not to be prompt in replying to his text messages and NEVER initiate texting.... Bcs we know that he will do it, so, why reveal yourself too much if you don't have to....

 

 

so i read your post this morning and was thinking that i dont think he's gonna send me anything soon... he's busy and just left relationship, you know...and as soon as i finished reading i got a messages on my cell... it was him...he wrote that he had a dream about me last night...

 

im not gonna respond...

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You are welcome...

 

You can respond but not immediately.... The point is to hit the right balance - to appear somewhat aloof, but on the other hand to keep him interested....

You can only hook him up again if you give him enough doubt and uncertainty - then his interest will grow....

If he gets everything and too soon, he looses interest...... So, you always have to keep him on his toes, keep him guessing.....

And don't ever panick! Bcs in the end it turns out ok... Yesterday you panicked a little, it was very wise not to act upon it, not to do anything, and this morning he sent you a message.... That's great! Always have this example in mind to serve you as a reminder that you shouldn't panick. Nothing will change for the worse if you, for example, happen to be some time without contact....

 

Good luck!

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You are welcome...

 

You can respond but not immediately.... The point is to hit the right balance - to appear somewhat aloof, but on the other hand to keep him interested....

You can only hook him up again if you give him enough doubt and uncertainty - then his interest will grow....

 

i responded like 9 hours later... it makes me feel good that he waited whole day messaged me from work, he never messaged me from work when we were together...

 

i keep myself busy...or even when im nor busy im not bored with myself..i always find stuff to do

 

we were together not too long...6 months...but people were surprised that it lasted so long...we were like black and white but we loved each other...circumstances didnt work for us... well he knew this girl before he met me so for the whole relationship she was trying to get him... she was so into him that im sure that he broke it off with her saying that he's busy and wants to be friends (this im pretty sure)...anyway she has her profile on myspace and she's showing everybody how happy she is and how busy she is, and wonderful friends she has...im a little afraid that she's working to get him back!!! ...that's why i want to take things slow with him

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