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Brother, 26, is out of control and parent are scared. PLEASE HELP!


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Well my brother is 26 and I am 22, He has been living at home and does'nt hold a job. He gets buy somehow but all he pays for is his car so he doe'snt need to make much. My brother graduated from college 4 yrs ago and refuses to find a job. He claims that he has no friends because none of his friends from college ddi'nt stick around. He used to be depressed but got out of that. Now he acts like a complete a hole and my parents are too scared to confront him because everytime they bring it up he barks at them and storms out. They are scared and don't want to send him back in to a state of depression.

 

I hate to say this but I think my dad and mom are little scared that he might actually hit them. He's gone after my dad once before but that was when he unknowinly took some drugs and he's never done it since. He did'nt hurt my dad but he did push him around. My dad is not big by anymeans and he is one of the nicest people ever and I hate seeing him pushed around like that. They won't let me say anything and keeping saying that he's going to be ok. They tried talking to him about therapy but he gets even more pissed off and storms out. Theyve tried having other people talk to him and he takes that even worse.

 

I've told them they need to be tough and kick him out of the house, atleast temporarily and they won't do it. I don't know what to do, they are scared and don't know what to do either. Any suggestions or past experience how someone dealt with a similar siutation would be much appreciated. Thank you.

 

 

P.S. I love my brother and he's got some great qualities but he's just getting worse and worse and I am getting scared for my parents and him especially.

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My brother is out-of-control, too. He is 23 and has a mean drug habit, but my parents refuse to show him tough love, they just say that he's their son and they'll never turn their backs on him.

 

So I don't particularly have much advice, but I can relate.

The only thing I can figure in my situation is that the situation is really not within my control and I try not to let it eat at me. I've argued and argued with my parents about it, but they tell me it's not my business.

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Definitely, the thing about my brother is that it's his health I'm worried about. He has had bad health issues his whole life and has been a hard-core addict for about 8 years. So it breaks my heart b/c my brother and I were best friends growing up and now I'm watching him not only throw away his life, but kill himself slowly and there's nothing I can do about it.

 

It's an awkward position to be in. You know, to be the younger sibling when you feel like you can see objectively what needs to be done, but you don't really have much credibility when you're the baby. Frustrating to say the least...

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Sounds EXACTLY like my sister...she actually did hit my parents (especially my mom, then I would get in on it and tackle her and hold her down til she got tired)...she would go crazy. Needless to say, she was 3 years older and A LOT stronger than me, but once she would hit my mom I could take her down. We later found out it's because she was on drugs. It never got better until she stopped all that. Are you and your parents sure your brother isn't still on drugs?

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Very sure, we've confronted him about it and he's admit he's not doing it anymore. Also he has'nt come close to hit either of my parents in about 2 yrs now he just gets so pissed off and tells them to shut up and storms out. Noting physical in a long while. I would go after my brother if he ever hit them but I am pretty sure he would kill me and I've fought my brother before and does'nt think when he's hitting he goes for anything and I am usually very safe about where I hit him. If we were to get in to a serious fight he would punch me in the mouth or face or even my nose where I had surgery a month ago.

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As soon as you move out of the house, you can exert your own kind of tough love. Rest assured, when you have established independence, your brother will definitely try to mooch off of you, as well. When he comes to you for money, tell him no, no matter what he wants it for. And when your parents try to talk to you about him, change the subject.

 

You are not responsible for your brother's actions. He's an adult, and your parents will do what they want to do regardless of how much it hurts him in the long run. Not everyone has the stomach for tough love.

 

I'd definitely start to distance myself from the situation if I were you. Even though you can't move out right now, ignore your brother. Ignore what he does to your parents (unless he gets physical with them, then it's time for a boot to da head). If your parents complain, tell them you'd rather not talk about him. Your parents will eventually see that his actions are really negatively affecting you, and while that may not change their mind on the tough love, distancing yourself will ease your mind some.

 

My little sister is 23 and still lives at home with no aspirations to move out. She mooches BIG time off of my parents, and makes excuses left and right as to why she's not doing anything with her life. She got fired from a gas station. How do you get fired from a gas station?!? We all know that she's waiting for a guy to marry her, but till then, my parents will continue to hand her money for her insurance, car, cell phone, gas, etcetera... I don't give her money or help her out at all, and I don't talk to my parents about her, period. I used to help her out, but then she ran up a $700 phone bill that caused such a huge fight that nobody wanted to go home for Christmas. Did my sister care, or get any consequences? No and no. I've HAD to distance myself, because her idiocy was negatively affecting me, and I won't allow that, and neither should you.

 

Good luck to you.

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Hey man, your brother is sooo like my sister was it's scary...I know exactly what you mean about the safe fighting and him going for the kill...If we would fight I'd never do enough to really hurt her, but she wouldn't care at all! I had surgery on my arm, and once when she was throwing a drug induced fit, she ran after me and tried to break my arm, because she had hit my mom and I was yelling at her. I think if you saw your bro hit your parents you would get an adrenaline rush unlike you've ever had and be able to take him...thats what happened with me everytime. My sister could beat the crap out of me otherwise...Although he says he isn't on drugs it sure does sound like it, I doubt he would admit to it really.

 

You have no idea how much I couldn't stand my sister at the time of her doing all this and putting my family through all that. I loved and hated her at the same time. But she is a completely different person now off drugs. If that is what is wrong with your brother, there is hope!

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Well we've confronted him about drugs and he does'nt seem to be doing it, besides the rage there really are no other conclusions that he's on drugs. He doe'snt mooch off of anyone though, he does pay for his own crap and sells stuff on ebay. Our house looks like a part of the warehouse at Best buy. I love the kid but he needs to do something with his life soon. He's 26 and he's never had a gf so I am worried in that aspect too. After I posted last night my mom told me that he said to them that he was planning to move to NYC late this month, early next month. I am hoping that's true and he's finally moving on with his life somewhat.

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It's very sad what your whole family is going through. I think it would be very good if you and your parents could go to therapy together, your brother doesn't want help now but if you are okay that's going to be a benefit for him too.

 

Even if he leaves you should work on putting your family back together.

 

I'll pray for your brother.

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