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Saying "no"


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Heya,

 

I have a really hard time saying "no" to people and actually being forceful by meaning it. In some situations I feel pressured by people and I don't have the courage to say "no". This is a big problem because I am then put in a vulnrable position which is easy for people to take advantage of. Does anyone feel as though saying "no" takes a lot of effort because you don't want people to think your "no fun"? Can anyone else relate to this kind of awkwardness and if so whats the best solution to overcome the problem?

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Take care,

 

Miya xxx

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Oh, I understand completely, I'm the same way. Still trying to get to the point where I don't feel like a heartless wench whenever I say no to taking someone's shift, hanging out, etc...but I've found that it helps to set your limits ahead of time. For example, I say to myself that I WANT to go to bed early, plan on it, and actually look forward to a good night's sleep. Then if one of my friends calls and wants to hang out that night, I think about how much I looked forward to curling up in my warm bed, and it's that much easier to tell her 'no.' Likewise, if I make plans with my friends but somebody wants me to work for them AGAIN (I take other people's shifts so often that I deserve a day off, come on!), I think about how upset my friends will be if I bail on them, how we're going to have to go through the trouble of making plans to compensate for that day...and once again, it's easier to say 'no.'

 

Be careful with how you phrase your response, too. In some cases saying "I can't today, but some other time" may have bad consequences (like if you're trying to say no to somebody you have no interest in seeing). And DON'T feel like you have to offer an explanation for your 'no.' You not wanting to do it is reason enough!

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Hi Mysterious Gurl,

 

Part of growing up in particular with parents whom expect a kid to just listen and do not like to question.

 

I hereby give you a personal growth assigment: Question those who ask you to do Yes. If someone ask you why you ask, you can rightfully say that you got a personal growth assigment.

 

They: Let's go for coffee?

You: Why?

They: Umm

You: Don't be shy

They: I enjoy coffee

You: OK, I don't

 

Have fun!

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