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Too Smart For My Own Good? pls read!


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or am i just crazy paranoia?

 

no matter what, let it be intimate relationship, friendship, aquaintences or work relationships.... i always analyze things.... guys/girls please do read on.... i really need advice and a different perspective

 

I've been doing that for as long as i can remember, i read into people alot. i get really suspicious of peoples real intentions (whenever i interact), and i feel like im not allowing myself to be vulnerable, and i get protective of personal matters (such as girlfriend)....

 

i guess to give u guys a better example, im gonna get into a quick story:

 

my girlfriend invited some of our mutual friends up to her parents house (45 minutes away) to have a few drinks for a change of scene. one of the friends that came with (we'll call him Bob) has been a good friend of mine since first year university (been 3-4 years). Bob has never been in a relationship before, and doesn't really know how to get into the scene of dating. before you guys say anything, i'm not judging, but its just a crucial fact.

 

either way, my girlfriend liked him for like a week 3-4 years ago cuz of his sense of humor (which i really like about him too) and bob knew about it. i actually got to know her in this week of her liking him, and i guess from there we hit it off, and the rest was history. anyways, during this time, another guy (lets call him steve), who was friends at the time with bob and I, had a crush on my girlfriend as well.

 

now before i jump back into the girlfriend's parents house, i should explain what i know about "bob". he is very intellectual, has a good sense of humor, but i sense that he is always trying to "prove himself", trying to show that he is "better", but not like the highschool "I'm better than you" sorta deal, but like he knows it all and everyone else HAS to see his view, and constantly seeking for "approval" from people.

 

now i'll jump into the girlfriends parents house. we would be having a few drinks, sitting in a circle just chatting, and bob would just out of nowhere ask my girlfriend "did you know that steve had a crush on you?" (we weren't intoxicated). and my girlfriend would look at me and hesitate a sec to answer, and bob would be like "did you? did you?" in a pushy, "need approval" kinda way..... my girlfriend was like "yeah i knew" and that was that.....

 

i brushed that off my shoulder and tried to think that he just didn't know better since he has never been in a relationship before. but than my girlfriend and i would be chatting between ourselves about good times in the past, and he listened for a while and all the sudden butt in with "hey (my girlfriend's name), do u remember passing out on my bed when steve and I were there?" let me just get something clear, he did know that my girlfriend had a small crush on him 4 years ago for like a week (which isn't really a big deal), by him saying all these things, it makes me think that he is trying to prove something, that "hey look backagain, your girlfriend liked me" kinda deal, and when everyone is talking about something, bob would always seek no one else BUT my girlfriends opinion like "i thought this was this, don't you agree with me (my girlfriend's name)".....

 

its really hard to explain with words....bob just has a personality thats like if i gelled my hair differently a random day, he would look at me angrily and ask "when did you start doing this?" and like totally inquire into....over a friggin hair style!!!!

 

anyways, the point is.... although i already have a suspicious kind of personality, and i read into things, i'm questioning its either my problem acting up, or is bob just an insecure person?

 

obviously if its my problem acting up, i gotta do something about it cuz im beginning to see this close friend of mine "bob" a little differently... and if im wrong i basicaly just pushed a good friend away....but if im right... then i really need to create some distance between me, my personal business and affairs...and bob...

 

whats ur opinion?

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i wouldn't worry about it - it sounds like bob's social skills are lacking, and like you said, he's just trying to get attention. I think it's best to just ignore it. if he brings up the crush from 4 years ago, I would have said, "oh, that was forever ago! back in the stone ages!" and laughed, and changed the subject. don't get distressed by what he is saying.

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Well it's very obvious that this bob guy was trying to chump you in front of your girl. In a situation like this, it's not really so important what the guy does (because he's obviously not someone you could trust if he would pull something like this), but your gf's reaction was the most important thing. How interested does she seem to be in his conversation and when he's in the room? If you sense anything fishy, you have to address it with her and put it on her asap or she will sense your insecurity and get the idea that you don't care because having some kind of emotional reaction to this situation is expected if she is someone you care about.

 

Bob doesn't have any commitment issues here, you are not dating bob. You are dating your gf and it's you and her and that's it.

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