This totally pisses me off......

[OceanEyes]

I could not agree with you more. I tend to stay away from the posts from girls whose significant others are looking at porn and they have a problem with it, because those girls are ALWAYS greeted with a chorus of "guys look at porn, get over it" and "would you rather he cheated on you," etc.

I've just sat and read through this entire thread, and this particular paragraph spoke loudest to me. I agree with this and feel the same way, but probably not for the same reasons.

 

When I come accross topics with titles having the word "porn" in them, I either keep on scrolling, or tread very lightly. The main reason for this is that I've become so used to being told what "to get over", that I honestly can't read it anymore. When I do, I always feel somewhat backed into a corner. Less due to the content, and more due to the fact that someone is actually telling me how to react and behave. It's not okay with me to feel like I have no option but to accept something, even if I don't particularly like it.

 

n83 I really do understand where you're coming from, and didn't automatically assume that you were making generalizations. Mostly because I've often felt the same way about certain things, but have been somewhat "conditioned" to keep quiet and accept ...

 

"That's how it is - and whether you like it or not, GET OVER IT and deal with it."

 

Then, there are always the self-esteem comments, which I don't personally feel have anything whatsoever to do with this particular issue. Yes, it's true, there have been times in my life that self-esteem has been an issue, but not lately. Low self-esteem, in my eyes, is basically a feeling of inadequacy and self-loathing somehow manifested in some kind of destructive pattern.

 

This situation is different, and I can honestly understand how irritating it can be to have someone constantly remind you of how a certain type of behaviour is common, even expected within an entire gender. And not just with this particular issue.

[n83]

It's not okay with me to feel like I have no option but to accept something, even if I don't particularly like it

 

That's the thing Oceaneyes... both men and women may really have a problem with certain things in their relationship but ARE told just to get over it, when in reality they shouldn't have to

 

Then, there are always the self-esteem comments, which I don't personally feel have anything whatsoever to do with this particular issue.

 

I agree with you...

[melrich]

both men and women may really have a problem with certain things in their relationship but ARE told just to get over it, when in reality they shouldn't have to

 

That's where I agree with you. No one should accept issues they have just being brushed aside whether it is about porn or strippers or drugs or money or sex or communication or jealousy. All issues are valid and relationships are all about compromise, not giving in.

[fishrrshortae]

Agreed melrich .. That's why no matter what you believe, it's so vitally important to find someone who is in agreement with you

[n83]

No one should accept issues they have just being brushed aside

 

very true

that's where most couples have problems.. it might not be the actual porn or strippers or whatever that's the issue, but a bigger problem might be that in a relationship, whichever person is having a problem with the other isn't heard, or their feelings validated

[melrich]

Yep, you see it all the time here.

[xprincessbugx]

I think this thread is pretty entertaining. I've been in a relationship for 3 years. I used to hate porn and thought it was nasty and used to gripe to my boyfriend about it but once I watched it with him I realized it's not bad. I like to watch it with him now lol. He's never been to a strip club but I've seen guy strippers and got a dance from one of them. So, I get what your saying but it works both ways.

[n83]

xprincess

it's good you and ur bf found a middle ground w/ porn ... and yes, while both genders view porn, you're a lot more likely to hear that porn is a "guy thing" than a "girl thing"

 

they have porn that's supposed to be more geared towards women.. erotica i think it's called