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This totally pisses me off......


n83
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Why is it that really rude behaviors are chalked down to "guy" behavior??

 

For example, it's perfectly okay for men to look at porn and ogle other women in front of their girlfriends because they're guys, and they're supposed to like sex and looking. (Apparently, as I was just told, it's also okay for men in a relationship to go to strip clubs and look at naked women, even get lap dances from them...because that's "just what guys do!")

 

I just think that's ridiculous. Women are sexual, we like sex and looking too, but that doesn't mean it's okay to be rude and uncaring to the person you're with. Men, how would you men feel if your girlfriend were getting lap dances from hot guys that you didn't know, copping a feel, and then telling you that "we're women, we're just into sex and that's what we do!" ?? Why is this considered acceptable?!?!

Most women will admire an attractive guy, many even look at porn, but I have YET to hear "I'm a woman, that's what we do." Whereas I hear it CONSTANTLY from every guy I know.

 

Most men I've dated have gotten REALLY jealous if I am just TALKING to a guy, even if he's just a friend.. I get so much attitude and jealousy, but then I'm supposed to let my man get a lap dance by a half naked chick and that's supposed to be ok cuz he's a GUY?!

 

Oh, hell no!!!!

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P.S. I'm not trying to insult any men here or anything, but for all you men out there, please seriously consider how frustrating this is for women to hear. MANY of my female friends have heard this phrase, and it's demeaning and insulting.

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DN

I know that many of the behaviors aren't considered acceptable, but what IS considered acceptable is this "I am a male, that's what I do" attitude. A lot of women let a lot of crap slide because their men laugh off their complaints with, "well I'm a guy."

 

and they get away with it.

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Then if their women tolerate that behaviour even though they don't like it that is a choice they are making.

 

It's the same as with anything else in a relationship - if something your partner does is unacceptable then don't accept it. If they won't change then walk away.

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DN

It's true that women should not tolerate this behavior. But where did this attitude come from?? It is honestly so prevalent, I hear guys say these types of things all the time. So has every girl I know. I am less concerned about the women who accept this behavior and more concerned about the fact that men have this attitude. The male entitlement to bad behavior is the focus of my post.

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Well, you seem intent on making this a male bashing exercise. Many men don't watch porn and many women do. Many men don't go to strip clubs and many women do. Many men don't stare at other women and many women stare at other men.

 

Frankly, I get a little tired of the generalisations.

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It's not much of a generalization, there are instances of it all over the place even on these boards. I am sorry if I am offending anyone, truly that is not my intention. I just think that even if only ONE guy reads this and sees this attitude in himself and stops thinking that way, it will have been worth it to post this.

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I am NOT saying women don't behave badly, obviously some do. I am not focusing on behavior, I am talking about an attitude or belief set.

 

I am saying that I have NEVER ONCE heard a woman say "well I'm a woman, that's what we do" in reference to sex/porn/stuff like that. Unfortunately, I hear it all the time from men.. "It's okay if I leave porn mags everywhere, even in front of my girlfriend.. I'm a guy and that's what I do.." kind of thing..

 

If this only happened with one or two guys I know, this wouldn't have ever been posted. But I have been discussing this with several women I know and it definitely hit a nerve..

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Fair enough...although I can honestly say to you I have used the line "That's just how I work, deal with it" (cringes at memory) regarding less than great sexual conduct.

 

I have friends who are very much like "Yeah, I look at porn, yeah I'll sleep around, I'm human"....they'll SAY that, and they're GIRLS.

 

It's pretty sad really.

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Well I don't know of any guy who leaves their porno mags out for their sig. others to find.

 

But while we are getting mad about generalizations, you know what bothers the hell outta me?

 

When a girl goes "I have nothing to wear" while staring at a closet *FULL* of clothes.

 

No, you have plenty to wear.

 

Now if you were a poor child in india running around 1/2 naked and bare-foot, then yeah I would buy that argument. No, you are an over priveledge, spoiled brat and should be more appreciative that you're not starving or working 3 jobs to make ends meet.

 

But I guess thats just what women do.

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DN

I should point out to you that my argument is against generalizations. I am pointing out that I don't like hearing males generalize what is "normal" behavior for males.

 

And as I'm writing this, I am watching TV and this guy on a show just told his SO "Guys look at porn! That's what we do and I'm horny guy!!!"

 

What timing!!!!!

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but for all you men out there, please seriously consider how frustrating this is for women to hear.

I am less concerned about the women who accept this behavior and more concerned about the fact that men have this attitude. The male entitlement to bad behavior is the focus of my post.

Unfortunately, I hear it all the time from men

All of these statements seem to me to be generalisations.

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DN,

I feel that you're nitpicking my words. Obviously this does not apply to "all you men out there." Yes, I also pointed out that this phenomenon seems to be MOSTLY about men. I understand that you disagree and do not feel this post applies to you. I'm glad you do not feel you have this attitude, but it is something that concerns me.

 

When I read posts on ENA written by women concerned about their SO's going to strip clubs and looking at porn and excluding them, and the responses from both men and women say "men are visual, men look at porn" etc, that bothers me. Because it negates some very valid concerns by chalking them up to "manly" behaviors.

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I am simply quoting the words you yourself used and giving my opinion that you are generalising about men in a way I find offensive. Comments that include such terms as 'male entitlement' are a case in point. How would you feel if someone made similar comments about women thinking they are entitled to be nasty to their partners because of PMS, for instance?

 

You might also consider that your perspective is that looking at porn is wrong, which is absolutely legitimate, but you don't seem to accept that some men and some women see nothing wrong with it. Again, browse the many threads that have been started on this subject and you will find many differing points of view from both men and women.

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You might also consider that your perspective is that looking at porn is wrong, which is absolutely legitimate

 

DN,

you have completely misjudged me. I personally do not find anything offensive about porn whatsoever, and I am offended that you seem to think you have me all figured out:

 

but you don't seem to accept that some men and some women see nothing wrong with it.

 

You have completely missed the point of my post.

 

And further, I would never agree that it is OK to be nasty to someone because of PMS but frankly, I'm not seeing that as a pattern. But I do see this all the time, even on TV!!! And I can think of no better term for it than "male entitlement" to act a certain way, because that's what I'm talking about! So if you can come up with a better term for it, by all means.

 

My point being, I don't care if you're looking at porn, but don't tell me that you look at it cuz you're a guy and that's what guys do.

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