help thru down times

[skate]

I'm really down now, and was wondering if anyone can give me some support. I go thru periods where i think i'm ok, but then i have moments like now where i am crying uncontrollably. i feel so sorry for the mistakes i've done and feel that i am getting my just punishment. it hurts to think that i can be so miserable from this breakup and he probably doesn't hurt that bad...it feels not fair. everyone says just give it time....but this last month has felt like an eternity and each week i dread going to work b/c it effects my concentration, i dread the weekends b/c they are lonely. This has honestly been the worse time of my life these last few months. It really kills me that someone could make me so miserable i don't know how i could deal w/ it if we ever got back...I would always feel like he would be the one controlling the relationship.

 

Why can't i heal???

[arwen]

Hey skate,

 

The times you feel ok, you ARE ok. Healing is not a straight line upwards, it's a process of a lot of ups and downs (a rollercoaster). You are not being punished. The pain from a break up, it's rarely definable in terms of what someone deserves. It's a part of what happens in life.

 

You say that if you were to get back together, you'd always feel like he's controlling the relationship. That means that probably, the relationship wasn't really balanced the way it should be. Don't give him that power, you are not together now, so he's no longer controlling your life. The pain will fade in time. I promise you, you will look back at this in a while and feel so different.

 

For the weekends, try to arrange some plans with friends. Go out if you're up for it, or have a girls night at home with a fun movie. You are dreading work and weekends because you dread feeling the way you do. Somehow, if you accept that you are in pain now, you will also realize that pain will go away and that you will not always feel this way.

 

Is there a way to fit in some activities? Even if you don't feel like it, it can really be rewarding to start sporting or a new thing in your life. Something that YOU want to do and has nothing to do with your past with the ex. I started capoeira after my last break up, it really made me feel so energetic!

 

Take care,

 

Ilse