Doing NC for over a month....ex is now calling anonymously! help!

[frigginexes]

I have been doing NC with my ex for almost month and a half. I started NC because she would say she was still in love with me, missed me, and she even said she wanted me back, then she would run back to her newly broken up ex, then tell me she needed some more time to work and save up some money before moving back to my city.

 

I don't think she was quite ready to leave her last ex yet and move back to be with me because they were freshly broken up. I also heard through the grapevine that she was flirting or partially interested in someone she works with who lives in her town.

 

So I snapped and said enough is enough, she is just stalling and is all talk and no action. If she wanted me bad enough she would drop everything and move in with me and be with me.

 

She has been sorta doing these games ever since we broke up 2 years ago, leading me on, making out with me then running back to her boyfriend. I was her safety net, the person she ran to when her and boyfriend were having problems. I was almost always there for her and tried very hard to be her friend even though I had deep feelings for her still, so I took her crumbs.

 

Well, she was not happy that I snapped and did NC - I started NC right after I found out she was flirting and liked a new guy at her work and I thought that he maybe the reason she was stalling with me. I started NC by ignoring her for a few days then she was acting like she really didnt know what she did to piss me off so I texted her that I wrote her an email saying I was tired of being her safety net, and that if a person really wanted to be with another they would move mountains and that this crap has gone on for too long, etc. Well her response to that was "****you, you don't know what my feelings are you inconsiderate ***hole!" Then she slammed me on her myspace page with a blog titled "***hole."

 

So I made a temporary myspace and slammed her back with a comment. Then I deleted my page and that was that - then on to NC for over a month, and on....

 

It has been rough, as I have had some very rough patches, missing her, wanting her back, thinking about her 24/7, thinking about all the good times, forgetting the bad, wanting to call her, text her, email her, checking her myspace all the time until she set it to private a couple weeks ago. It's been rough.

 

In the first month of NC I have had 2 private calls on my cell both 2 weeks apart, figuring it was probably her cause she has been known to call me private before. Now I have had about 10 private calls all in the last 3 days! No voicemails, nothing. Sometimes there will be 2 in a row. I am freaking out! I just know it's her and I am stressed. Then today 2 more private calls in a row, then an hour later an actual number called and I have no idea who that is either, and am too afraid to call it back. Now just 5 min. ago I got another private call!

 

What is she doing here? I don't know how to handle this and I don't want to answer. You'd think if she really wanted to communicate with me she'd write me an email, or letter. Is she trying to see if I'd crack or what? What do you think she's going to do if I continue to ignore her?

[heloladies21]

Who knows what she's capable of, but one thing is for sure it probably won't be good. Why would you want to make a girl go psycho on you when there's a much better and more direct way? If you don't think you're strong enough to the point where talking to her would set you completely back in your recovery, the I'd wait a little longer. But if you want the calls to stop, then pick up and see if it's her, if it is listen to what she has to say for a minute. If it's all small talk, get right to the heart of the matter and ask her "So what's going on, why are you calling?" Not in a mean or ticked off tone, just be normal, address any issues that are brought up, and then move forward. If she gives you any other reason than "I want to get back together", restate what you want and tell her only to contact if she wants the same.

[rose2summer]

Can you change your phone #? She is bordering on the line of being psychotic with the # of calls she makes to you.

[frigginexes]

I am too afraid to answer in fear that it would set me back. Why wouldn't she leave a message if it was so important?

[heloladies21]

There would be only one way to find out. I wouldn't just keep ignoring her calls until the end of time. It might take you sucking it up and confronting her or else she could go reallt crazy on you and cause other kinds of harm.

[rose2summer]

Get a block on her # and it will tell her she is blocked from calling you. It will work wonders.

[spiderman_56]

Well ... for your own sake , you are not completely over her .... so you should not respond to those attempts or answer any call that's in anyway related to her.

You and I know that she is not very stable and 99.99999999% of the time people who can't commit don't change in a matter of months or even years ... so cool off your hot guns and skip those calls.

[frigginexes]

You really think she would go crazy if I just keep ignoring her? She knows I dont answer "private" calls so you would think would quit *67ing her calls and call me normally if she wanted me to pick up. Trying to figure out what her motive is here.

[lady00]

Hmm...sounds very odd. She's calling you from a private number knowing you won't pick up because you don't asnwer those kinds of calls and she hasn't bothered to leave you a message. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't respond. She will eventually tire of this. If there's any way to do this...perhaps you can get your phone to block private calls or send them straight to voice mail? I'm not sure if that's possible though. A last resort would probably be to change your number. But don't take her calls. She needs to realize that calling you nonstop is annoying and disrespectful and it's pretty much harassment. If she has something important to say, she'll leave a message or send an email or something.

[frigginexes]

Yeah, you think if it was important she would leave a message or call me from her "normal" number. Maybe it's a control thing with her and she is trying to get me to call her and tell her to stop, so she can feel good that I "cracked" and called her?

[Royltnxile]

Yeah, you think if it was important she would leave a message or call me from her "normal" number. Maybe it's a control thing with her and she is trying to get me to call her and tell her to stop, so she can feel good that I "cracked" and called her?

 

Exactly what she is doing. She wants you to think it's her calling so you will pick up the phone and call her. It's a big game, and it's all about control. She's doing nothing but messing with you. Don't respond and she will get tired of it. I understand that you worry about setting yourself back if you answer, however, I think Heloladies has a point. There comes a time when you have to confront people like this on their bad behavior. It's a tough call.

 

One thing is for sure though - she's not calling you to get back together!