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New mom- Just wants to kinda leave


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I'm not to the level of suicide as of yet. I just feel so damn sad and confused. I had a pretty rough pregnancy only because my fiancee called me names and really wasn't there for me. I just felt alone the whole 9 months. He would yell at me or get on to me about something and at that point i was sensitive (naturally) and i would cry and he would call me "cry baby"among others. I even told him several times to not call me that and it would continue.

After i had my daughter (she's almost 3 weeks) i've been pretty high spirited and happy up until the past few day's as everything is slowly going back to the name calling and not being there for me. I don't know what i should do. I just want us to be happy and to be a couple. That's all i've ever tried to do. Does anyone have advice or has gone through this?

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Please dont do anything that would jepordize your or your baby's safety. I think you should make an appt with your OB/GYN and talk to them about possible Post Partum Depression. Your body has went through an enormous change. Not only physically, but mentally and hormonely.

 

Please please please I urge you to seek help from your OB or in the mean time is there a good friend or family member who could help you out? Once you get that part settled then it will have to be decided if you want to put up with such verbal abuse. In my opinion I would not stand for it.

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I agree with Elektra, go see your doctor. At this time, it is far too important to let yourself slide into depression. When you are feeling more positive, then deal with the verbal abuse.

 

Are you close to your Mum? If you are,get her around and use her as support because if she is like me at all, a man like this will not even THNK about treating you badly infront of your her because as a Mum myself, I would kick his sorry * * * for you!

 

If she is far away, go stay with her or a couple of days, give yourself some peace and quiet to spend some nice time with your newborn. Any good friends you could arrange an afternoon with? All these things can help greatly and make you feel not so alone and depressed. But firstly a visit to your doctor should come first. There is no shame in feeling down, your hormones are all over the place and doctors understand this so don't worry.

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I just had my daughter and I can be a hard thing, but after a while you will realize that this litte pain in the butt is your world! when you have a child it is like wearing your heart outside of your body! Just remember that they will always love you! It sounds to me like the dad is the one with the problem try to talk to him and if that dose not work, then take a break its not good for you or the baby! He sould be on his best behavior now!

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Thanks so much. Last night i actaully wandered if i could get in to see my OB and ask them if they could give me an anti-depresent. I just want to leave him as much as it would hurt my heart and take care of my daughter by myself for a while. Maybe he would realize when i'm gone what he has in his life. This is really hard for me though because i'm so inlove with him. But i always think how could he love me so much and treat me like this. I never call him names. After giving him his first child,at the hostpital he was so happy and treated me like i was the greatest person in the world and he cried several times ... i thought all had eneded after she was born but it hadn't. Anyway, yes i'm going to call my obgyn and see if i could get in soon. Thanks for listening.

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No, i wouldn't want that at all for her to see. I didn't really have a good child hood and i remember telling myself after different situations that "when i get older and have kids there's know way i'll put them through this." I want everything for her. I want a good up bringing and for her to grow up in a home that isn't going to be emotionaly painful for her.

Thank you all for your advise. I really don't have a family i could turn to talk to about this and the friends i've made are from work only. So reading what you have said has helped me a lot.

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I wonder if he is feeling left out? Men can be funny like that, like a woman cannot love two people thereforeeee because you obviously love your child more than life itself, you can't have as much love for him.

 

If you have thoughts that this may be happening to you both I would work on them two bonding by stepping back and letting him spend some time with your child without you intervening and I may even suggest a night out just the two of you.

Reassurance that you have enough love for both of them and nothing has changed about the way you feel and how much you love him can also help but I must stress at this point... ONLY if you think this is the problem.

 

However if he persists in this abuse, I would seriously contemplate leaving him. Your health and your child's welfare must be paramount.

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I was in the situation, I left my babies dad when he was 6 months old. The pregnancy was hard, the first month after he was born was good, but quickly down hill from there. He used to yell at me put me down, swearing at me. Laugh when i would cry...even while I held our son. Our son would cry while he would call me every name in the book, I'd ask him to stop...he wouldn't till he felt satisfied. It wasn't a safe or healthy environment. And that will start to destroy a person inside. Anti depressants can't fix this. Get to the source of the issue.

 

Darling you need to get him help or get out. Your daughter can't grow up thinking it's okay to treat people like that Or treat her mother like that. Stand up for yourself and be the best you can be. Don't let yourself be degraded like that, you are worth so much & deserve to be treated like the queen you are & teach your daughter she deserves that too. If he's not willing to get help to change, than he will never be able to give you the happy loving family and you need to get out & not waste another day being treated like that.

 

leaving was the hardest thing i ever did, but the best thing I've ever done for my son & i. I am a happier better mom, and My son is kind, loving & happy. (I know we wouldn't be had I stayed)

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While we were pregnant with my daughter, my husband called me names and told me how disgusting it was what I was letting the pregnancy do to my body ( like I could tell the stretch marks to stop, please)... He began sleeping in the spare room.

I got him to sleep with me for about a month and got pregnant again. Two weeks later when he tried to leave and I hid his keys, he held a shotgun to his head in front of our little girl and said he would blow his head of if I didn't let him go.

 

I LET HIM GO AND IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE.

 

The kids are happy and normal and best of all I am happy and normal ( i think ). You may have post partum depression, I don't know, but you DO have a bad situation on your hands. Get out of it and the rest will almost fix itself....

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... I LET HIM GO AND IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE ...

Get out of it and the rest will almost fix itself....

Absolutely!

 

Please read these:

People are often amazed at their own psychological conditions and reactions. Those with depression are stunned when they remember they’ve thought of killing themselves. Patients recovering from severe psychiatric disturbances are often shocked as they remember their symptoms and behavior during the episode. A patient with Bipolar Disorder recently told me “I can’t believe I thought I could change the weather through mental telepathy!” A common reaction is “I can’t believe I did that!”
From: link removed

 

link removed

 

You will get over him in no time.

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Just a depressing side note:

My dad was a horrible husband to my mother. Do you know what I asked my mother for for my 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, etc birthdays? For her to divorce my dad.

Do you want your daughter to grow up realizing the futility of the relationship while you keep your head stuck in the sand?

In a perfect world, I would be wishing you luck and hoping things would work out, but since we live here instead, I advise you to do what you have to do and grab your brass ring now rather than later when you have wasted your whole life on a man that dosen't love or respect you.

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Just a depressing side note:

My dad was a horrible husband to my mother. Do you know what I asked my mother for for my 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, etc birthdays? For her to divorce my dad.

Do you want your daughter to grow up realizing the futility of the relationship while you keep your head stuck in the sand?

In a perfect world, I would be wishing you luck and hoping things would work out, but since we live here instead, I advise you to do what you have to do and grab your brass ring now rather than later when you have wasted your whole life on a man that dosen't love or respect you.

 

I completely agree! You deserve & you're worth so much more than this

 

Vandgsmom, I'm sorry for what you went through, but I'm so happy you (and he kids) are in a better place now

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I had PPD pretty bad with my first pregnancy, it's okay to tell your doctor, I was scared to tell them because I thought they would lock me up or take my baby away, but they won't, they will help you.

 

It's not your fault you are depressed, it's not weakness, it's big time stress coupled with weird body chemistry. I only had to be on meds for 6 months then my chemicals calmed down and I was okay.

 

PM me if you need to talk.

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You know I don't understand why women are so drawn to abusive men? They claim they're in "love" with them when really they're addicted to the emotional gratification they get from the drama these men bring to their lives.

 

Whats even more disturbing is that these women get knocked up by these scumbags.

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All mothers are women, most women are mothers, and mothers take can't help but feel the compelling need to fix things.

 

I think that maybe your statement is a little harsh, jman. I don't know that all women in those situations "claim" they are in love. I think it is more an issue of them confusing the emotions that the mans problems stir up in them and their hormonal need to kiss the boo-boo with romantic love.

 

If you have never experienced love or never been loved in the way that changes your whole world in an instant, then I think it is easy to let the first, most physically urgent emotion that gets to be mistaken for love. It is emotional gratification, but not so much in a vindictive, sinister sense of the word.

 

Children are a natual extension of loving someone. There is a difference in getting knocked up and being dillusional and allowing yourself to think that the flimsy emotions that he shares with you will extend and grow with the addition of a baby.

 

Life is short and we all spend it in search of love. Statistically we will ALL fall for the wrong person at least once in our lives and screw up royally probably more than that. Be gentle with your judgments, since one day you will be the one having stones thrown at your glass house....

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You know I don't understand why women are so drawn to abusive men? They claim they're in "love" with them when really they're addicted to the emotional gratification they get from the drama these men bring to their lives.

 

Whats even more disturbing is that these women get knocked up by these scumbags.

That's a MOST disgusting and offensive assertion. You clearly have no understanding of this topic, and what you say here is hateful and hurtful.

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