Am I being stupid, waiting for him?

[YankeeGirl02]

To make a very long story short, I have completely fallen for someone (I'll call him 'J') who lives a huge distance away. It's been a year since I've seen him, and it will literally be another year before I even CAN see him again.

 

This doesn't matter to me. I know what I want, and it's him, and I'm willing to wait a year if that's what it takes. But because of my age, my family thinks this is a bad idea. They're constantly telling me not to tie myself to one guy, to have fun, and forget about J.

 

This just isn't possible for me. I've had feelings for him since we first met a year ago, and those feelings aren't going away. I've experienced a few guys around here, and I don't want to get involved with any of them.

 

I know I'm young, and I shouldn't be getting caught up in J while he's so far away, but I honestly believe (from things he's said and done) that the next time I see him we'll start something, and the wait will pay off. Even then, it'll be a long distance relationship, but I feel like he is beyond worth it.

 

Am I being completely stupid and naive? My family and friends don't understand that I don't want to just settle for a guy around here. If I know how I feel about him, how he feels about me, and that he makes me happy, why should I let them pressure me into dating others just for the sake of dating?

[ElektraHere]

What distance are we talking? Are you on the same continent?

 

I would say your family has a point. You are very young and believe me your thinking changes drastically the older you get.

[YankeeGirl02]

What distance are we talking? Are you on the same continent?

 

I would say your family has a point. You are very young and believe me your thinking changes drastically the older you get.

 

Unfortunately no.

 

I'm not thinking far into the future, just until next summer when I can see him again. I know I'll change a lot as I get older, but I'm not willing to throw something away just because there's a chance I'll regret it when I'm older (which probably sounds like typical teen talk but it's just how I feel). He's my first choice, and I want to make sure that absolutely nothing can ever happen with him before I go settle for some guy around here.

[ElektraHere]

Well you have many factors against you.

 

1. You dont even live on the same continent.

2. You are young and have sooo much living to do before settling down for anyone.

3. You dont have the available funds for visits.

4. You only really know him through online and phone I am assuming.

5. You dont know how he lives his day to day life plus is he 17 too? If so he is about 12 mentally.

 

All those things make it difficult and when your older you will look back at this and wish you would have heeded your parents advice.

[YankeeGirl02]

Well you have many factors against you.

 

1. You dont even live on the same continent.

2. You are young and have sooo much living to do before settling down for anyone.

3. You dont have the available funds for visits.

4. You only really know him through online and phone I am assuming.

5. You dont know how he lives his day to day life plus is he 17 too? If so he is about 12 mentally.

 

All those things make it difficult and when your older you will look back at this and wish you would have heeded your parents advice.

 

 

1. I know

2. I know that too, but I am not using it as an excuse not to.

3. I do have enough money for visits & so does he

4. Noo definitely not. We first met in person (didn't meet online) & hung out and just decided to stay in touch.

5. He's not 17, he's a bit older.

 

I know it's possible that when I get older, if it doesn't work out, I'll look back and say that it was a horrible decision. But I have no way of knowing that unless I give it a shot. I'm not going to make decisions based on how I may or may not feel about them in the future, it just doesn't make much sense to me.

[ElektraHere]

Well hun then the biggest biggest obstacle is you are living in two completely different worlds. Where are you at and where is he??

[YankeeGirl02]

Sorry if I seem like I'm being snippy or defensive or anything. I'm not having the best week.

 

I guess ultimately it's my decision and all I can do is make it based on the present and not the unknown of the future, you know? Ah, I don't know. I'll figure something out.

[ElektraHere]

I dont think your being defensive I think you want to hear what you want to hear. I am not telling you those things

 

One positive thing is you are living in the now....alot of people even my age don't even do that myself included at times.

[YankeeGirl02]

Well hun then the biggest biggest obstacle is you are living in two completely different worlds. Where are you at and where is he??

 

I'm in the States & he's in England. But there's a strong possibility I'll be going to an English university..it's just that I wouldn't be starting until next year

[YankeeGirl02]

One positive thing is you are living in the now....alot of people even my age don't even do that myself included at times.

 

Heh well it's probably just because I'm young and up until now I haven't had to do much future planning. It's stressful.

[rose2summer]

If there are no glaring problems, red flags with this guy, I saw give it a shot, why not? Who knows what the future will bring.

[monkey1]

I agree with rose2summer ... i'm dealing with a long distance relationship and i'm in the states and he's in england too. all you can do is try.

[annie24]

Am I being stupid, waiting for him?

 

My first reaction, before I even read your post, was yes. sorry.

 

Ok, so I read your post, and I'm not sure that "waiting" for him is really the right way to go. I agree with your family. However, there is nothing wrong staying in contact with him and being friends, and then see if you two don't wind up on the same continent at some point.

 

I know what I want, and it's him, and I'm willing to wait a year if that's what it takes.

 

Does he feel the same way about you? Does he really want a relationship with you? If so, then sure, give long distance a try. But if he isn't as crazy about you as you are for him, don't "wait" around for him to get into a relationship with you. I wasted many years of my life "waiting" for a guy that never came back. I could have been dating tons of better guys, maybe even met my husband, had my heart been open to meeting other guys.

 

But... ultimately... I think you should do whatever feels right for you. good luck

[rikka]

I tend to agree with annie24 on this one. I think you two shoud stay in touch but on a more platonic level. Keep contact, because you never know what the future may bring, but keep it realistic.

 

I had a similar situation a short while ago. I met this guy, he was great, we fell for each other, he had to return to England. We kept in touch, but when his job prospect here fell through we knew we had to be realistic. Who knew when the two of us would actually be on the same continent. Now we are still fantastic friends (he is currently in Germany) and I have met another man that I am completely in love with. Do I still have that attraction for my foreign friend? Of course, but I realize that what I have now is better than waiting for "what might be".

 

Wow, that was rambly, long story short, you have to make the right choice for you.

[monkey1]

Yeah, only do it if he's totally into you. Otherwise, what's the point?

[Ixtapa]

First of all....do not listen to too many people who have never been in a LDR themselves. They will have all kind of advice without knowing what they are talking about

Seems that a lot of people tell you that you are too young to have your heart set on a guy who lives so far away. In my case, a lot of people tell me I am too old to "wait" for my guy who also lives very far away.

 

I would say if the situation doesnt make you suffer so far and it even makes you happy to think about this guy and imagine yourself with him in the future, why not give it a go ?? Yes you are young...but who says you NEED to be in a serious relationship right now with someone closer to you ?? Why should you need to make a decision about that now ? Nothing is dire at this point !!

Try to let things flow naturally and if you do have an opportunity to go study in England, go for it. That way you will get to see him more often and find out if you two are a truly good match or not. Either way it will be a great experience to study abroad.

 

A lot of people will tell you to be careful about your heart, that you might get it broken and blablabla. Well sure, can happen...but this reminds me of a woman I met on a plane once....she had left everything behind in the States to move with the love of her life in Europe. I told her I thought she was taking a big risk. To which she responded : "The biggest risk I am taking is to be really happy".

 

Maybe I am writing all this because I am in a LDR myself.....I know I would appreciate more positive feedback around me sometimes

[arwen]

I have been in LDR, which didn't work out, but a friend of mine is getting married to her boyfriend of 3 years who is Canadian. We are in the Netherlands, so that is a comparable distance. I think if he's really into you it can work out, but I wouldn't go to England JUST for him. Go for yourself hon.

 

Ilse