Have no idea how to approach online dating

[renaissancewoman101]

I am finally seeking therapy to deal with my issues and I got prescribed some anti-anxiety medications so I can effectively deal with my anxiety. Life seems ok for now. I start grad school in the beginning of Sept and am looking forward to it (although grad school is VERY expensive). I want to go out and meet people, and hopefully date and meet guys.

 

I just dont know how to go about it. I put up an ad in link removed and on craigslist. I have no idea if my ad is that great or not. I dont know how to write ads that well.

 

This is the link to the ad: link removed

 

I got some responses and I answered a few back last night. A few of those responded right away but I have re-responded back to them. I have read from dating guides that it is a turn-off to appear too eager when it comes to responding to online ads. I really want this to work out. Some of these people sound really nice and look nice in their pics.

 

Part of me really wants to meet someone, but I am very jaded about life and now seem very lukewarm about the who situation. I have no idea why I am feeling like this. I know I should be more gung-ho about it and excited that people responded. How should I go about this?

 

And I know I have been posting WAY TOO many threads about stuff. I just am trying to improve my life and meet new people, make new friends, and I seriously do want a bf.

[Hope75]

Hey RW,

 

I just read your ad. It's great! You sound honest, friendly and forthright. You included a picture, and that is pretty much the staple of an online ad.

 

Just keep doing what you are doing! I'm excited for you that you are going to grad school- you must be as well!

 

Things are looking up!

[arwen]

I really like your ad as well! The pic is good as well, it shows confidence

 

I think it's good to take things slow in the beginning. Online dating has the advantage you can think over what you say, but a lot of communication is lost because there is no body language. So if you think you feel a 'click' with someone, I think it's good to meet sooner rather than later. Just for coffee, as you say. Always meet in a public place, never give your address to a person you haven't met, and inform a friend when you are on the date.

 

As for coming of as too eager, keep in mind that most people who are active on dating sites do so because they look for some kind of relationship. Being too stand-offish (if that is a word) can also be a turn off. Just keep things casual, I think the eagerness has more to do with the content of the messages than the frequency, but both play a role.

 

Seeing that you are in therapy, I'd recommend you talk about this with the counsellor as well. A lot of my problems expressed themselves in the type of partner I found myself attracted to.

 

Take care and take it slow!

 

Ilse

[Beec]

It's honest, which should be the first thing. It's also friendly.

 

After you meet initially, online dating is really just dating. It is getting to the first meeting that matters. I liked, when I was doing it, to get there quickly. I would make contact, seek to get a phone call, then go right to meeting. Bang, bang, bang, and then we could wait on the next bang, if it ever happened.

 

I think the first thing you need to do if figure out when and how you will get to the meeting, that's all there is to it.

 

Your answers to them should be honest, but vague, slightly playful if possible, not too playful.

 

I found that exchanging emails did not give me much to say to a stranger, so for women that did not want to go right to meeting me, I had a list of questions I developed, most of which were jokes. I'd email them to break the ice and get things flowing between us. I asked things like what they liked to eat and drink, and some of them were unusual suggestions. I would ask if they liked beer, wine or sangria, then follow that with red or white wine, and then I would ask if the would drink it in certain glass or circumstances, including out of a styrofoam cup or something. I also asked about whatthey liked to do as a child and still do as an adult. It was a list to get things moving and open up topics, and it worked pretty well.

[rose2summer]

I don't consider craigslist to be like the typical online dating sites, it's much more casual, so I don't believe men think oh, she's responding too quickly. Do things at your own pace without worrying what the guy will think. I am telling you the attractive men are all on craigslist! I wouldn't be so concerned with getting a bf, try dating a few guys at once, and just explore, without settling down. If you settle down right now, you won't get to see what's out in the world, and that's really your purpose now, is to see all the type of fishies in the sea.

[renaissancewoman101]

I am trying to take things slow. I know eagerness kills the chase for guys. I want to meet guys, go on dates, and basically feel good about myself again for being able to attract guys.

 

The weird thing is, I dont feel that my heart is in it at all. The last time I did online dating was about 3-4 years ago and that time, I was really gung-ho about it, putting on ads, answering people, etc. This time, I feel somewhat blase about it but I am trying to circulate myself out there so I can meet people, date maybe, and maybe find a bf.

 

I do plan to answer those guys who re-responded to my response yesterday. There were some cute guys. I am just afraid that these guys just only want one thing, and I am not after that, not right now.

 

Maybe I am just confused about what I want.

[rose2summer]

Be honest and upfront with them. I told the guys I am interested in that I am inexperienced, and they won't get sex from me, so if that is their intent, move on to the next gal. Guys appreciate honesty, so be upfront.

[Beec]

I wouldn't be so concerned with getting a bf, try dating a few guys at once, and just explore, without settling down. If you settle down right now, you won't get to see what's out in the world, and that's really your purpose now, is to see all the type of fishies in the sea.

 

Yes, good idea. Very good idea. When I was doing it, not craigslist, but others, and even outsdie of dating on line, I would date multiple women at once (no sex), and let the women come in and out of what I called the "rotation". When I stopped wanting to see one, I see her once or twice more then, if not change, stopped dating her. When I wanted to only see one, she was it.

[renaissancewoman101]

I dont have a lot of pics of me. I dont think I look that good in pictures.

[Hope75]

dont take this the wrong way but you should change you pic. the other one on your profile is better. the current pic make syou butchy and manly. almost like a lesbian. im just tryin to help. you seem really sweet and nice and i want to see you happy. thats not a pic i would show someone i liked if i were you.

 

RW,

 

I think it's a GREAT picture. As Ilse said, it shows confidence and a little bit of sass. I vote that you keep it.

[arco_GA]

lose that attitude. you look fine im a guy and im telling you that you look good. i dont know how much my opinion is worth but its all i can offer. im on your side.lol

[Scout]

Hi RW...the ad is good, it's a bit generic, though. Everyone likes the beach, traveling, music, etc. I mean, not everyone, but you get the idea. So, what I would do is get a little more specific, because the key here is to get quality, rather than quantity in responses. You want to narrow down the field to people you will have a lot in common with.

 

So, I'd specify what kind of musical performances you like, some of your favorite musicians, what places you'd like to travel to and why, the fact you like Ren Fairs, that you have pet hamsters you adore...just put in a few more specifics.

[renaissancewoman101]

You know what, I'll try to take some pics of myself today. I have to go down to the USD campus later this morning to take care of some class and tuition stuff and the campus is really beautiful. Maybe I will take some pics of myself and post up a new avatar. We'll see.

 

I really do like the avatar of me next to the plane. BTW, the pic was taken in Wisconsin. I went to visit an old friend who I used to go flying with. He used to take me flying a lot. That was fun.

 

I dont know what looks better, femmy pics of me, or "butch" pics of me.

[Scout]

You look like an adorable, feminine tomboy in this pic. KEEP IT.

[arwen]

I also really liked the pic you had in your avatar before this one. Where you wear that dress. Is it possible to have more than one pic, or sort of photoshop two into one, so that people can see different you's?

[rose2summer]

Keep the pictures as feminine as possible. I am wearing pink flowery top in my picture that I send on craigslist and it seems to work well, I can send it to you if you want. I really like your plane picture, it's very cool, and shows character.

I can photoshop 2 pics into 1 for you if you want, I love photoshop.

[arco_GA]

if you see a guy around campus you like try approaching him. you should be able to see if there is any attraction right away. its better than online dating. if he is not interested than it wasnt ment to be and he wasnt the one.

[renaissancewoman101]

Scout, I know the ad sounds generic. I dont really know how to write a good ad about me that expounds on my positives. Also, I am not sure how much of my heart is into this online dating thing. The last time I did the online dating thing, I was MUCH more into it. This time, I seem jaded and more lukewarm about it.

 

Maybe one of you people can help me write a killer ad. That would really help me??? Most of you guys know me pretty well on here.

[arco_GA]

noone knows you better than yourself. you have to do your own work. you know what to say you just have to say it. i dont know.

[rose2summer]

I think generic is better actually on craigslist, not on link removed though. The first time I posted an ad on craigslist, I made it really specific about my interests and such, and wrote I wanted a very specific type of man. When I generalized my post, I got many more responses from guys I was interested in, who had a more interesting background, etc. It can really go both ways.

[Beec]

Keep the picture. It makes you seem adventurous. Why would you hide that?

[renaissancewoman101]

Rose2summer, the problem with me is that I am really NOT that feminine. I dont wear makeup a lot and I HATE wearing skirts and the like. I mostly prefer to wear khaki pants, shorts, a decent shirt, etc. I know more guys are attracted to femmy women. My mother reminds me about that ALL THE TIME , but that just isnt me. The other pic in my profile, I am in my Ren Faire costume and that is just a passion of mines and I dont mind wearing skirts since it is more "period"

[renaissancewoman101]

the only thing bad about the current pic (my avatar) is that people assume I own a plane and that I know how to fly, WHICH I DONT!!!!

[Spawn]

Maybe one of you people can help me write a killer ad.

 

The writeup is ok looks genuine and honest what else you want there, probably add up some fake past exs like Orlando, Keanu...lol kiddin...its perfect.

 

The pic looks good, the biceps and the tomboyish way looks cool.

 

Wheres that earlier pic of yours in some white gown or frock don't remember the dress but that looked great.

[Scout]

Actually, most guys I've met seem to like women who dress more casually as a rule, as long as they can "clean up well" and get a little more dressed up on occasion. As for the plane issue, all you have to do is say, no, I don't fly or own one, but I love aviation and that's why I love this pic. That's kind of a conversation-opener in a way, too.