I'm not sure what he wants.

[Honeymustard]

I've known this guy for about 5 years now, he's been a good friend to me through a lot of stuff and although I was in a committed relationship with (and eventually married) a good friend of his, we've always flirted a lot and had a really great connection. I always felt a little guilty about this and a couple years ago I decided I wouldn't go out of my way to see him ( we still saw each other every few weeks at parties and such) and I thought I'd gotten over him. Well, his dad offered me a job at his establishment, which I very gladly took. So over this past summer, we've worked together a lot and spoke on the phone virtually everyday. We also spent a lot of time after work hanging out. I found myself falling for him hard all over again.

 

So, recently, my husband and I have decided to try an open marriage. We had several long discussions about it and feel very comfortable trying it.

 

My problem is, although this guy gives me these looks and smiles and touches, when I asked him if he'd like to kiss me he got all flustered and said he would feel weird about it because i'm "a friend's wife". I told him I was here when/if he ever wanted me, and he just kind of smiled and nervously laughed. I really dont think he will take any action even though everything inside of me tells me he wants to.

 

I don't know how to make him feel comfortable being with me.

I don't know how to make him see me as a woman, instead of being someone else's wife.

I don't know what to do at all.

 

I also think he is probably extremely inexperienced with girls and he might feel intimidated by my husband, who everyone makes jokes about being well endowed (even though it's not true, he's just average)

I also have never been with anyone but my husband, so I am also quite nervous.

I've been kinda thinking maybe he couldn't handle the non exclusiveness of what a relationship between us would have to be, but i don't think so becuase he's constantly telling me how good my husband is for me.

 

Wow. sorry this is so long. All these thoughts have been running around in my head

 

Oh, and he knows that we're in an open relationship.

[RayKay]

I am sure he does see you as a woman, and given his flirting with you before also sees you as attractive.

 

But that does not mean that he wants to cross that boundary of being involved with his friends wife. Now, you and your husband may have agreed on an open marriage for your own reasons..and that is fine...but it does not mean potential partners will be comfortable with it. I know I wouldn't for example. Open or not, you are still technically unavailable after all.

 

You have already put it out on the table that you are willing to pursue something with him, the ball is in HIS court now.

[Cardinal]

This is something I wouldn't do. Sleeping with my friend's wife. I'd stay miles away from that one.