What do wealthy/ambitious men want...? Confused...

[Lily04]

message edited as there's no point to it.

[RayKay]

Well, if you have only had a couple dates, they don't know enough of you yet to know beyond the "physical" either.

 

And it is too early to get "serious" and committed too.

 

Sure, there are MANY men whom like women whom are intellectually on a similar wavelength, and so forth. But I can't tell you what THESE men prefer as not all men are alike. Someone whom is ambitious may look for someone the same, or someone to balance them out. Someone wealthy may want someone of the same, or may not care. It's hard to say what one person wants, when everyone wants something different. Most people are looking for that "fit" with them, though they can't always explain the specifics.

 

I can't tell you what to do, but if you have a bad feeling, then don't get involved.

 

If you are interested, you can go on some more dates and see how things pan out, and don't sleep with anyone until there is a commitment/exclusivity involved.

[Lily04]

Actually I just talked with a friend about my date yesterday... and we both agreed that it depends on what I want... if I just want to date, then go for it because we feel chemistry... but if I want more than dump them. I have an issue with one of them because he wants to move so fast, but the other I have an issue because he seems somewhat elitist...and one of my requirements for even dating is, at minimum, RESPECT. I'm not sure I get the sense that they truly respect me... so maybe I should just end it. With the doctor though it's really mind over emotion... he was saying i shouldn't think so much as well and just do what I felt, so obviously he perceived the same dichotomy there... ugh. For him as well, it's honestly either end it COMPLETELY or go fast, I don't get the sense that he's willing to concede, or have a middle ground... and that to me constitutes a lack of respect.

 

At the same time many people are comfortable with just dating for sex or short-term dating... I don't know. I'm trying to be more open, less nerdy I suppose this summer and just have fun, but something about this is still bugging me, that's why i feel conflicted. I want fun but at the same time, I want respect...

 

I think I will break it off if he's not willing to go slower. I'll have to talk with him first.

 

So I sorta figured it out for myself for now, but if anyone else has any thoughts... that might help.

[Lily04]

If you are interested, you can go on some more dates and see how things pan out, and don't sleep with anyone until there is a commitment/exclusivity involved.

 

Why do you say this? In a way I want to sleep with him.. but at the same time I'm not sure I trust him and if sleeping with him on the 3rd date would be somewhat cheap... would it mean that I have low standards or easy or something? At the same time if you really feel a fit with someone... maybe it's not so bad?

 

Yes, I shoudln't be looking for commitment either so soon... I suppose I am just somewhat classy in that respect that I want to make sure the guy really likes/respects me and treats me like a lady... anything less (i.e. if he thinks i'm easy or doesn't respect my intelligence) I will be offended and have to dump him.

[Ash]

It seems as there may be a slight different between what a typical man might want, and the two specific wealthy and ambitious men you find yourself interested in want.

 

In this case, it's more a matter of what YOU want. You seem to have a fairly good handle on what these two particular men are after. What's up to you is to decide is you want to be the woman they are with for now. I think you likely realize that with both of them this is likely a short term relationship, should one evolve with either of them. Can you live with that? Will you be hurt if you're just the girl of the month, and they'll be interested in somebody else in a while instead?

 

It's not wrong to decide either way. It's your decision and your life. Cheap or easy is how you and they chose to see it. Just be true to yourself and your own morals and ethics when you do decide. If you can't live with how you think things might be with either of these men, or you're looking for something more long term then you will likely need to slow things down, date a while and find out if either is interested in something more long term. Find out if they do value women and make sure it's an answer that's not just designed to make you hear what you want to hear.

[RayKay]

Why do you say this? In a way I want to sleep with him.. but at the same time I'm not sure I trust him and if sleeping with him on the 3rd date would be somewhat cheap... would it mean that I have low standards or easy or something? At the same time if you really feel a fit with someone... maybe it's not so bad?

 

Yes, I shoudln't be looking for commitment either so soon... I suppose I am just somewhat classy in that respect that I want to make sure the guy really likes/respects me and treats me like a lady... anything less (i.e. if he thinks i'm easy or doesn't respect my intelligence) I will be offended and have to dump him.

 

Well, you have said yourself that you worry they only want physical, and that you don't trust them to want more than that.

 

You said yourself you are not sure you "fit" with them entirely.

 

If that truly IS the case, why would you want to sleep with them? Why would you want to sleep with someone whom you are not sure you trust? Does that not seem a bit backwards to you?

 

Sleeping with someone early on is not in itself bad, but it depends on the situation, and if you are having these doubts, why would you want to take that risk emotionally and physically at this point?

 

Having sex will not MAKE a commitment, which is why it's important to either know that and accept it, or wait until there is that commitment.

 

Why NOT wait longer to see what their intentions are and make sure there is a genuine "fit"? If you really want to make sure they respect you, then wait until you KNOW they do before sleeping with them.

[Scout]

I am no expert on dating wealthy men, because I have typically chosen relationships with people who are either blue-collar workers, or just plain don't make much money. For various reasons, I identify with that socioeconomic group more, although there are many successful professionals in my family, and I run my own business. On the other hand, many in my family are blue collar workers.

 

And I may be making a groundless stereotype here, but I do find that many wealthy men are typically so confident, they can come accross as a bit patronizing. I get the sense they're used to women flocking to them because they have a lot of money, and I don't want to be confused with that type of woman. I'm not for sale, and have no interest in being someone's arm candy.

 

Now, from a practical standpoint, this can pose financial difficulties, because I will insist on paying for some of our dates, and since wealthy guys typically prefer ritzy restaurants, etc., I am basically spending money beyond my own means. When you're dating someone who has a modest income, it's easier to pay for things on a more equal basis.

 

All that being said...because I'm growing older, I am starting to think perhaps it's time to drop some of my prejudices about dating wealthier people, simply from the standpoint of finding a partner who can equally contribute to financial security in our old age. Also, I just got back from an amazing vacation on Cape Cod where everyone is loaded, and I confess I was a bit bedazzled by all the luxury, lol.

 

I just have conflicting views on this issue...I want to live the "good life" but I know a lot of that lifestyle is often at the expense of those less fortunate. As the saying goes..."Live simply so that others may simply live." It's a hard edict to follow, though, in our consumer-driven society.

 

Don't think I answered your specific questions, but maybe some of my thoughts on this subject will be helpful from a broader perspective. I do agree with RayKay that you shouldn't commit yourself physically or emotionally to anyone, no matter their wealth level, until you know them well enough to feel confident you're on the same wavelength, trust them, etc.

[Batya33]

The only men I have been seriously involved with over the last 12 years or more are very successful, brilliant and ambitious men. Both of them are very similar in that they are humble (but not insecure!), confident but not arrogant and have the gift of being able to make anyone around them feel comfortable no matter what their education level, intelligence level, background,etc. Please don't generalize about educated/ambitious men. I am also highly educated, very ambitious and successful. In both relationships - and in many other shorter dating relationships - I have consistently attracted and been involved with educated/intelligent/ambitious men who respect me, love that I am also highly educated, etc and are really fun to be with.

 

 

Someone with a high school education can be very elitist and arrogant - I have met them too. I try my best not to generalize and I hope you decide to stop doing so or you may pass up a real gem (which doesn't sound like either of the two men you described - nothing to do with their intelligence or education).

[RayKay]

Agreed with Batya - just because someone is highly educated and ambitious, does not mean they are not also compassionate, down to earth and loving.

 

I have dated both professionals and blue collar workers, and no one had a monopoly on being of good, strong, caring character. Nor does one or the other determine whether one is arrogant!

[Scout]

Batya and RayKay, you raise some good points...I admit I have insecurities about dating brilliant and successful people. I should probably do some hard inward thinking one day about why. Perhaps I'm scared of the answers! My last boyfriend was brilliant, but not successful from a financial standpoint. I've always liked intelligent guys, but the money factor...I guess I do get intimidated by wealthy men. I probably have a lot of stereotypes in my head that I should clean out.

[jurupa]

A lot of wealthy men want the trophy wife and pretty much nothing more. From a guys stand point the only way I see reason in this is for image which a lot of wealthy people care about a lot and the wife is apart of the image.

 

But not all wealthy guys are like that. I know that I stand to inherit a very large sum of money down the line and for my age right now I have a decent amount of mine own. But I am not looking for a trophy wife or a girl friend for the eye candy. I am looking for a girl with intellegence and knows what she wants and is going for it. And besides if my future wife (no I am not getting married, I don't even have a girl friend right now), is as intellegent as me my kids will be just as intellegent.

[markman]

...the eye candy. I am looking for a girl with intellegence and knows what she ... is as intellegent as me my kids will be just as intellegent.

 

 

It's intelligence and intelligent.

[Lily04]

Well here's an update on the situation...

 

The prof. isn't interested in me anymore (he found out I wasn't rich, and apparently i wasn't elitist/cultural enough for him) and the doctor guy also isn't interested since I didn't want sex. So either way, I'm a bit disappointed with dating and will likely go on a diet of not eating for a few days because i'm sorta depressed... not with myself but just with life in general. I can't meet guys I like romantically EVER, and any guys who are remotely close to interesting lose interest in me... because they're too arrogant/elitist

 

sorry, I just had to rant. :sad: that's all for now.

 

lily

[Alexi]

I'm a bit disappointed with dating and will likely go on a diet of not eating for a few days because i'm sorta depressed... not with myself but just with life in general. I can't meet guys I like romantically EVER, and any guys who are remotely close to interesting lose interest in me... because they're too arrogant/elitist

 

Believe me not eating for a few days isnt going to help. Not eating b/c of depression sucked the fun out of my summer. It will make you even more depressed b/c you'll be tired & weak & of course...hungry.

 

I figured out why I cant meet guys I romantically like EVER. & the problem is me. Do you genuinely like the people you date? Maybe thats why it didnt work out. It seems like your dating guys just for the sake of being in a realtionship. Not b/c you're actually attracted to them but b/c you like the idea of having a bf.

Maybe Im waaay off. Sorry if I am. But I hope things get better for you.But if there are certain aspects of people's personalities that are very off putting then there is no reason to date them. Cheer up.

[QuietWolf]

any guys who are remotely close to interesting lose interest in me... because they're too arrogant/elitist

So you are saying that all guys that are interesting are arrogant/elitist? Interesting...

 

Maybe you need to look at why you find elitiest guys interesting?

[Lily04]

Yeah... well I am just so glad I didn't end up having sex with him! It really wasn't even much of a debate for me, but I considered it when he asked and then firmly said no & left. I think it was at that point he decided he didn't want to go out with me anymore and if he can't respect my decision to wait to have sex & get to know each other better, at minimum, then he really isn't worth being with in any case.

 

I sorta feel the same way about the other guy... although a bit offended that he never even bothered to give me a chance (i.e. agree to meet.) I told him I wasn't wealthy though and he went on about how distasteful the 'nouveau riche' are ... i was thinking ' * * * are you talking about??' I hate people who are elitist... so I would have broke up with him anyway. But it's just that typically *I'm* the one to break off anything (even if it is a date) so this is a total first for me... and I guess I just don't like the idea.

[Lily04]

So you are saying that all guys that are interesting are arrogant/elitist? Interesting...

 

Maybe you need to look at why you find elitiest guys interesting?

 

I don't like elitist guys and will break up with them if they are that way. However, I tend to be attracted to arrogant guys which really pisses me off.. I think I'm a bit arrogant myself, but it's typically this love/hate thing that happens... because I hate the fact that he's arrogant and sometimes self-absorbed but then at the same time I tend to like that degree of confidence, etc. that usually follows with that... it's sorta a no-win situation I suppose...

[Scout]

I'm a bit confused...what's the real difference between "elitist" and "arrogant"? Aren't both basically a presumption that one is better than others?

[147nothing]

Men only like one thing: a perfect body. Very, VERY few men exist in the world that care at all about intelligence or personality. Rich, successful men definitely want a trophy wife, so if you're not anorexic, don't even attempt to get that kind of man.

[NJRon]

Men only like one thing: a perfect body. Very, VERY few men exist in the world that care at all about intelligence or personality. Rich, successful men definitely want a trophy wife, so if you're not anorexic, don't even attempt to get that kind of man.

 

I just spurted my coffee out my nose...

[Ash]

There is no single "perfect" body. Or, put another way ... big, small, tall, short - who say's not all women are perfect?

[Lily04]

Well, I am perfect, lol. I have a nice body... unfortunately it seems like that's the only (or main) thing they wanted from me... their loss IMO.

[jurupa]

Men only like one thing: a perfect body. Very, VERY few men exist in the world that care at all about intelligence or personality. Rich, successful men definitely want a trophy wife, so if you're not anorexic, don't even attempt to get that kind of man.

Then according to you I am a very rare species of man, becuase I know I will be rich down the road, and I do not want a trophy wife. I wil admit that I want a girl that is good looking, but I also want one that knows a thing or two about physics.

 

Well, I am perfect, lol. I have a nice body... unfortunately it seems like that's the only (or main) thing they wanted from me... their loss IMO.

From what I seen from girls that say this is that they tend to show off and/or promote their body more than their minds, and keep on getting basically the same type of guys over and over again, and the girl would keep on complaining about it. I usually laugh at these girls becuase they be sitting there with a female friend and they be wearing something that either came from Victoria Secert (I am referring to their clohing line) or something that shows off their body.

 

I would think that they would pick up that if you dress and act a certain way you will attract certain type of guys. But dressing and acting one way while wanting the attention of a guy that does not go for that type of clothes and behavior never works out.

[savannahohsavannah]

Lily04:

 

I can give you the benefit of my experiences! I have a college degree and write. I've worked as a waitress, because of the small town I live in and also because it let's me keep my creative side flowing, by not tapping into it during work. I am okay with that.

 

Enter Mr. Wonderful TV personality. He was on a hiatus from a news position when I met him online. Several phone calls followed, and I could see that he wasn't interested, even though he was nice to my face (on the phone). The upshot here: I think tons of famous men don't date waitresses. And since I've worked as one so long, and I have just as much education, and am just as smart as most of these fellas, that turns ME off! I grew up in a college town and most educated people have tons of hubris. I think that's just sad! I have a degree from a southern Ivy League (if there truly is such a thing) school. I am smart, about people and business. No, I'm not going to fly a plane, I'm not an engineer. I don't like math. But it's not about what I am as a person to a man who is looking for arm candy: it's about narcissitic supply. You can look that term up on Google if you need to, but basically it means you need to reflect well on him. For some guys that means you need to be a goddess. I don't know about you, but if I were a goddess, I'd be on the silver screen!

I think you should just date whomever you want to, and then think about the other externals like money and power and fame as things you should earn for yourself, not from a man.

Savannah

[savannahohsavannah]

I just spurted my coffee out my nose...

 

 

Why laugh? LOL! I think she might be right. They're into the too rich and too thin mentality!