The problem within

[hopeiseverything]

Heya Guys,

 

Maybe you can help me get through feelings that I shouldn't be feeling. I'd really like some help, and maybe an indication if me and my significant other should go and see a relationship psychologist.

 

Firstly, I love my girlfriend. There is no other person that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with. There is just something that I want to be able to fix within myself. I know I have a problem, and thats where I'd love you guys to help me with. My problem is that I'm overly protective, overly jealous and frankly I'm not sure how to deal with this.

 

I find my girlfriend to be the most beautiful human being in the world. However I am not the only guy that finds her attractive.

 

My problem is that I let myself go into a hole whenever she tells me that some guy flirted with her. I don't get upset with her, I just allow myself to get into an emotional hole. I usually drop out of the conversation, and I become very reclusive. It doesn't last long - usually I call her about an hour after to apologise and she re-assures me and we agree that we're ok.

 

But I truly want to stop the cycle.

 

I want to be fine if she tells me that some guy flirted with her. I know she doesn't flirt back, but I don't want to dissappear into the void of nothingness whenever she tells me.

 

I want to stop feeling down when this happens!

 

Please help, I'm not sure what I should do. I'm really confused when this happens and I know I'm intentionally making her sad by doing so. I don't want to hurt her any more, she doesn't deserve this at all.

 

I get so angry at myself whenever I let this happen.

 

What should I do?

 

She has helped me so much, and advised me that I should think about all the good things that we've experienced together whenever I get into this emo hole. But I usually can't feel anything when I'm inside it. I need to find out a way of not getting caught in the first place.

 

Thanks guys,

[DN]

Why does she feel it necessary to keep telling you that some guy flirted with her when she knows it upsets you?

[hopeiseverything]

Why does she feel it necessary to keep telling you that some guy flirted with her when she knows it upsets you?

 

We've talked about this, and well frankly I'd rather have her tell me that some guy flirted with her.

 

I'm not too sure why - should I really need to know about this?

 

I just thought being honest about such things is important. I know that she would want to know if any girls flirted with me. And I've told her, and she's able to handle it and move on.

 

Should I not ask her to tell me then? Innately I know that some guy will come up to her and try to chat her up or ask if she's single.

 

The problem lies in me, and why I get upset over it. I really wish that I didn't.

[Momene]

I don't usually tell my wife if someone's flirted with me or otherwise given me attention, especially as I spend a lot of time away on business.

 

Perhaps I encourage a bit of attention too much but I've never been unfaithful.

[justwonderingkid]

i sorta have a smiliar problem in another way.. i might write a post about it.. anyways. i think you should just try to trust that nothings going to happen the that the fact of another guy flirting with your girl just means that they're flirting with someone they cant ever have.. i dunno. i guess its a little easier said that done.. i hope this helps

[markfromark]

Heya Guys,

 

My problem is that I let myself go into a hole whenever she tells me that some guy flirted with her. I don't get upset with her, I just allow myself to get into an emotional hole. I usually drop out of the conversation, and I become very reclusive.

Thanks guys,

 

I do the same thing, it's so bad with me that sometimes I even get depressed and reclusive if she just talks to another man. Seeing her in a flirtatious conversation with another man ruins the day for me.

In my case I think it's my problem, no self-esteem at all. Otherwise I would be confident in my girlfriend and not freak out.