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[skunkwick45]

Hey this is my first post and I'm really hoping to get some responses.

 

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 10 months and we both are completely in love with each other. We both truly feel that we are meant to be and that we could not feel the same about any other person.

 

However, I am going to be a freshman going into college and she will only be a junior in high school. I am going to a college that is about 2.5-3 hours away and to make matters worse...my family is moving from Pennsylvania(where she lives) to Massachussets will end up being about 5 hours away. Despite negativity and criticism from friends and sometimes family, we still believe that we can be together. My girlfriend even wants to come to my college in 2 years, where we could live together in an apartment.

 

Anyone who I talk to always says like: "oh, you will be missing out on college if you stay with her." But really, if i do stay with her I will have everything I want in a girlfriend and a long term relationship. I feel that any relationship that I would try to get into in college I would try to make the relationship that I have right now.

 

So basically, we have to try to stay together for 2 years until we could ulitmatley be together in college.

 

Can it be done?

 

Any feedback, comments would be appreciated.

[melrich]

2 years is a long time at your ages. It can be done but don't underestimate the challenges it will present.

 

Personally I think you would be better to have no commitment between each oother for the next two years and take a wait and see what happens approach.

 

Otherwise I think you may be putting too much pressure on each other.

[shelbymustang_fan]

I agree with melrich. 2 years really is a long time. You guys are still young, as am I. People can change a lot in two years. I wouldn't try to plan everyting out yet....all I can say is to take it day by day, and see what happens. If things are meant to be, everything will work out in the end. I've never been in an LDR yet, but it appears like i may be soon. I believe they would be hard, but possible if and ONLY if you two both put forth an equal effort, and can have complete trust in one another. If you feel insecure easily, it may not work. 3 hours is really not that bad...it would be completely possible to see eachother once a week, or at least every other week.

 

Don't worry too much yet, just take things day by day, because in the end, things always work out for the best, wether you like the outcome or not.

[monkey1]

Yeah, sounds tough only because you'll be in college and she'll still be in high school.

 

You can always give a LDR a shot, but as already mentioned, it only works if both people are committed to each other and the relationship and are willing to put forth 100%. You need to learn to communicate well and get your needs met ... this can be strained being apart, esp for 2 years. I know, I'm in a LDR.

 

Anyway, hope all goes well. Good luck in school.

[Anna.]

College presents new opportunities and an expanded outlook on life. Alot of things you believe will get tested in college, you know? But with that being said, I'm in a LDR and I think as long as it works and you're happy, don't worry about the future. But don't hang on to it if it quits working. There is no reason to break up RIGHT NOW, you know?

 

Give it a chance and don't worry about what other people say. From my experiences nobody listens to anybody else on matters of the heart anyway. Everybody tells me that me and my bf can't make it and I used to let it get to me and I'd worry, but it never made me change my mind about him, so I finally decided to quit worrying. We know what we have and we think we can make it. If we don't make it, then we don't make it.

 

True love can survive anything. 2-3 hrs is nothing compared to what some people have to go through to be together. Good luck regardless of what you decide...

[robowarrior]

You have to understand that basically you two are trapped and being ripped apart by circumstances. They say 'out of eye is out of heart' , which is unfortunately true. You know its possible to maintain this relationship, but you will me applauding for you if you manage. You will have to keep in contact with her frequently, and arrange stay overs every now and then to maintain a strong relationship. If you manage that for two years, she eventually might come over and you two can be together again.

[anydaynow]

You guys should decide what you want to do despite everyone else's doubts. If you are both willing to, why not try it? You might quickly find that you don't miss the other person so much after not seeing them for a while. If that is the case, you can break it off then. On the other hand, you might find that you are able to maintain the relationship (or even improve it) over the distance. Even if you break it off, it doesn't mean things are over.

 

One of my closest friends lived to tell this exact tale! She left for college 2 years ahead of her bf. He ended up breaking it off after she left, not wanting to 'hold her back.' His family moved (to-the-opposite-coast-far-away). He ended up going to college near his family. She dated other people. She even had another long-term relationship while in college. He left the country for two years. Through it all they kept in touch, as friends. Well, when he returned to the states, they got back together. And they got married. They just celebrated their 3 year anniversary recently!

 

As for "missing out on the college experience," unless everyone thinks that the college experience consists of inappropriate flirting or sleeping around, I don't see why staying in the relationship would hold you back at all! You can still learn a lot, make new friends, join activity groups, etc, while you are in a relationship.

[arwen]

Seeing that you are really into her, I'd agree to 'try' the LDR. It's difficult, especially in such a life-changing period, but no one can decide that for you. If you love her, she loves you, try not to make too many promises for the future but just take the LDR day-by-day.

[heretohelp]

Hello there.. I see that you are worried about your situation, but frankly I believe that you should just try not to listen to people or ask there opinions. I say this because I think that no one has the answer for you. Only you and your girlfriend can work this out.

 

I personally have never been in a situation like yours, but I feel like anything is possible. You obviously love her so much to be writing this post, and for her to want to stay with you while she is in high school and you in college must mean that she is completely in love with you. I honestly think that this is possible if you two work at it. For me I would need my faith to carry me through something like this. I don't know who you are or what you believe but for me it's a huge part of my life. I think if you both know what you want with the relationship, and do whatever you can to make that possible then go for it. There's nothing worse then looking back at something and saying did i make the wrong decision.

I think you must also realize the responsibilty you have now. Since you are the one going into college you will have to always make the right decision. You will be in a world completely new and have more freedom. By you telling your girlfriend that you want to stay with her, and basically giving the impression that its forever then you need to know that she is counting on you. You have basically made a very long term promise to each other, but you have to know how much of an impact that makes to her. You have to be strong, and do whatever you can to make the relationship work. If you don't want this responsibilty then you obviously shouldn't be staying with her or making promises.

I hope it works out for you and your girlfriend if thats what your destiny is. By reading what you wrote I feel that if you both love each other completely, as a person, and stay faithful to that promise then you will win the battle.

[skunkwick45]

hey everyone...last year i wrote this post and asked for help with my situation

 

i am proud to say that i am still with the girl mentioned above and we have been very happy...yes it was tough during the school year but we managed to see each other for weekends when i would go to visit her and she would even come up to visit me...i spent the entire summer with her and we worked together at the same job...i know we still have a year to go...but i couldnt be happier with the decision i made...just goes to show that true love doesnt let anything stand in the way

[arwen]

Wow, good to hear from you again! And with such positive news!

[skunkwick45]

hello everyone and I cannot believe its been almost 2 years since I wrote this in the forum for everyone to give advice.

 

This October, it will be 3 years since I first started going out with my girlfriend. And we have had the most amazing times together. We speak to each other every day, managed to see each other at least once a month during my school year, spent an entire summer together living down the New Jersey shore, and now she will be going starting college in the fall as a freshman at a school about 10 minutes away from me. I will be a junior and she a freshman. But I keep responding to this original thread because it is possible. As long as both the man and the woman truly believe in the relationship and want it to work and do all that they can to be together for as little as that may be, then there is nothing that can stop true love. Be honest with yourself and if you really do love the person that you are with, then there is nothing but happiness that can come in the future.

 

A good way that we have been able to have such a strong relationship is through creating checkpoints and thinking towards the time when we will be together. For example, I would spend the weekend with my girlfriend, and in between those times, we would look forward to those moments we spend together, whether we had to wait 2 weeks or even a month.

 

With all of that said, this summer will truly be the hardest, as I am spending the summer in Massachussets and she in Southern New Jersey, about a 6 hour car ride(a good $50 gas fill up each way). However, soon the reality of being close to one another and starting would could very well be the rest of our lives together is both exciting and an incredible feeling.

 

So for all of those who think that it is hard, do not give up and continue to love, it will carry you through the hard times.

[Burb]

great post, great thread.

 

gave me the extra confidence boost i need. thanks, and congratulations.

[arwen]

Again, good to to hear from you!

 

I am glad you two are so happy together.

[skunkwick45]

Hi everyone, I noticed today that I had continuously updated the forum on our progress over the last couple years, since I first wrote this so long ago. I wanted to let everyone out there in a tough situation know that with determination, hope, and of course love that anything is possible. About a month ago I proposed to my girlfriend, the very same one in this thread, and we plan on getting married in May of 2011. Through these past 5 years we have had our difficult moments but we have always stayed strong and continued to love each other more and more each day. I cannot say that it has been easy being apart from each other, but you take each day one step at a time and set goals for each other. I hope everyone who reads this understands the importance and power of LOVE and it truly can work miracles. Thanks again for all the support throughout the years and I hope this can inspire those seeking answers to trust in their love and to trust in God, because there is a certainly a plan for each and everyone of us.

[arwen]

Yay! Congratulations! This post is an inspiration for those starting LDRs

[skunkwick45]

Hey all!

 

Just wanted to say that I married my girlfriend of almost 6 years in May(3 of those years were LDR). The wedding was beautiful and the honeymoon was incredible. For everyone that says you can't do it, you have to fight that much harder to prove your doubters wrong. Nothing is impossible. Trust your heart and never give up. No distance is too far to overcome the love you can have for someone.

 

I wish all the members of the forum the best with every step of your relationship.