Jump to content

I want him badly but....


Recommended Posts

Ok guys, I have a confession, Im alil shy. Im a virgin ok, and Im very SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to my boyfriend. We have been good friends for nearly two years or so and Ive liked him ever since and he has felt the same about me, but its only been recent that we have actually started dating etc


Ive always thought about having sex with the person I'l marry, however lately Ive become really turned on when Im with him. We dont do sexual things (and he knows that I believe in sex after marriage). When we kiss or when he holds me I feel like Im going to melt!! To be honest with you all, I have thought about sleeping with him before we even started dating. I would love it if he was my first.


Now the issue is that one part of me wants to wait and the other doesnt. I want to wait because thats how my parents taught me, and my mum always says I should be touched by one man only (who ever I end up marrying). Im torn between my parents and my culture to desire.


Does anyone have any idea on what I could do?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I always feel that if a part of you is saying no, then dont do it, because there is still that element of doubt there, and that can turn to regret after the event if you were to do it. Id wait until you are 100% sure that it is what you want, but while there is the element of doubt there, dont do it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At 20 you are old enough to know what you want and the associated risks.


I don't know anyone who has held onto their virginity until they are married.


Fact: Other than the church bells at the wedding, there are no bells or fireworks when you first sleep with someone. The heavens don't break open and angels certainly do not sing.


It is not a crime to sleep with someone you are attracted to if you are not married. Most religions will try to convince you it is, however god put us on this planet with reproductive organs and instincts for a reason - He also doesn't demand worship.


If you like this guy and feel that you want physical sex with him then go for it. Just be sure its what you really want. Sex isn't naughty, it isn't wrong, it isn't a crime. It's natural.


You are attracted to someone and your hormones and instincts have kicked in and are telling you what your body wants; Him.


If you decide to do this, just be careful. Condoms are also not a crime and asking your man to use one should not land you in his "Emotional Jail". If he pressurises you into letting him not use one then he has no respect for you. If he truly cares, he will respect your wishes to be safe.


If you are both nervous, alchohol can relax you both (Don't get drunk, just relaxed). The most important thing is that you both feel right doing it. No pressure on either person.


With regards to your mother saying you should only be touched by one man: I've known plenty of women with this silly idea. They end up with a man for their entire lives who then beats them when he's drunk, doesn't make them happy, makes them cry almost every day etc. Yet it's apparently fine for us men to have sex with limitless women. I respect your mother for her morals and her fine effort in teaching you right from wrong. She's clearly done a great job HOWEVER... Life isn't a fairytale. People don't always stay together for life. People split up, have affairs etc. You shouldn't feel that you are pressured into staying with 1 man your entire life. There is nothing wrong with having sex with more than 1 man as long as it is in an appropriate relationship (and one at a time of course).


Hope this helps



Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can go down 2 paths:

1) No sex: Wait until marriage and share it with 1 guy (who you will hopefully be with forever.

Advantages: You don't deal with the emotional baggage in relationships that can develop because of sharing the beauty/sanctity of sex with someone and they leave.

Disadvantages: You won't get to experience different men, see what is out there, learn techniques, enjoy yourself until the right one comes, develop sexual tension.

2) Have sex:

Advantages: Experience different men, see what is out there, learn techniques, enjoy yourself until the right one comes, release sexual tension.

Disadvantages: You crave sex more, you no longer are as concerned about being a virgin that you will sleep with more likely a few/several men before getting married, if you did it once, why stop philosophy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is your choice, not your parents. Sure they raised you to have these thoughts about sex after marriage, but what if, hypothetically, you get married with this guy, you have sex with him for the first time, and things doesn't work out? What if you're trapped in hell with this guy and can't leave because your parents didn't raise you to get divorced? And if you get divorced - are you not supposed to be with anyone else now because you only get one shot according to your parents?


All I'm saying is that you should do what you want to do for you, not what you don't want to for your parents.


Also, what your parents doesn't know won't hurt them (not an advice though).




Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thnaks guys.


But yeh, its my parents who have drilled it in my head.


Another thing...if I dont marry him and we do have sex, I wouldnt be a virgin (duh LOL) but what Im trying to say is that if I end up with a guy from my own culture I wouldnt know what to tell him, especially if guys from my culture want to marry virgins (mind you, they sleep around). Im worried if I'l be recgonised as a skank or something.


Out of curiousoity can you tell if a female isnt a virgin?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

the hymen is extremely easily to break but if there is a guy thats thinks ur a skank or anything like that id think that he isn't worth ur time, i know im young, but y not have some fun and live life to its full potential do what u wanna do, we were put here for our enjoyment, just to have fun and experience things i personally think so y not. it sounds like u really want to as well and there ain't anything wrong with that. just wait until u know wat u wanna do though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Create New...