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best way to go


hazel
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what would be your perfect way to go?

 

mine would be slashing my wrists, then listening to "pink moon" by nick drake and reading some j.d. salinger or simon armitage at night in a park somewhere.

 

n.b - i'd rather not think of the various practicalities of this situation.

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Hi Hazel,

 

This is just my opinion on a better way.

 

Most important to remember and perform.

This is the most important part of this guide. Please take it seriously as your success largely depends on it.

  • You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
  • Look after your body and love yourself!
  • When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
  • You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
  • You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
  • Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
  • Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
  • Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
  • Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
  • Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
  • Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
  • Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
  • Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
  • Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
  • Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
  • KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
  • Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!

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hi, i dont want to sound rude but i can guess what the replies will be but anyway....

 

i'm 23, live with my parents, got a crap job, no friends, and best of all, am a virgin, never even kissed a girl. i'm painfully shy and have got nothing to live for.

 

the only time i'm truly happy is when i'm alone and don't have to deal with anyone (which is very often) and am with the characters from my records, books etc. that's why when i kill myself its gonna be like that.

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But isn't the REALITY that you would be bleeding to death all alone in some cold, dark, creepy park crying into your blood stained book, feeling the life drain out of you in an ever increasing puddle on the floor, maybe even wish that you hadn't done it in the first place or wonder what the hell you were thinking of? Probably by that stage trying desperately to stop the pumping blood from squirting from your wrists with anything you can think of in a state of panic and fear, knowing that the more afraid you get, the quicker the blood pumps out which makes you panic even more as you get weaker and weaker until you fall unconscious with nobody there to save you? The song fades into insignificance due to the fear of whats happening.....

 

Sorry but there is NO romance in suicide, however deeply you want to believe it, it's just not true. It's a bloody mess that you leave others deal with, including the people who love you and the person(s) who find you. And, let's face it.. What a mess you'd be!

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hi, i dont want to sound rude but i can guess what the replies will be but anyway....

 

i'm 23, live with my parents, got a crap job, no friends, and best of all, am a virgin, never even kissed a girl. i'm painfully shy and have got nothing to live for.

 

the only time i'm truly happy is when i'm alone and don't have to deal with anyone (which is very often) and am with the characters from my records, books etc. that's why when i kill myself its gonna be like that.

 

Let me know if you find a solution. I am in the same situation and find myself teetering on the edge as well. This site seems to be quite good at rehashing the same advice like a broken tape recorder.

 

"permanent solution to a temporary problem...I felt bad once too but feel better now...blah blah blah".....etc. etc.

 

I have noticed so many people just copy and paste their "universal" advice from post to post.

 

This site used to be better. Sorry it's gotten so repetitive and effectively meaningless to people looking for individual personally relevant advice as opposed to one size fits all motivational phrases.

 

I lost friends asking for help in the real world as they didn't want to feel responsible for me. Whatever you plan to do, make sure it is for yourself and not to just hurt or get the the attention of people who don't seem to care.

 

With all the suffering, pain, rejection, humiliation, and cold apathy, all I wished for and wanted was one good, meaningful thing in my life. I could endure anything if someone just had the heart to come forward so that I wouldn't be alone. That was always too much to ask from the world.

 

Have you ever had one of those wonderful dreams that you inadvertantly wake up from? There's that moment of confusion. Maybe you even reach out for something in it, like a hand, as you find yourself alone in your bed. You quickly squint your eyes and pretend you're still asleep so that maybe you can have the dream back for a little while. You think that maybe if you don't acknowledge being awake then you won't be and you can go back to that place where you escaped to that brought you a little bit of temporary happiness and contentment. I have always wanted that type of joyous anticipation for something I could find while awake, while my eyes were open, but the more I try to force it, the more I try to fight for it, the more miserable I and those around me become when I fail over and over again.

 

If you want to help people, don't go to some forum and offer trite and overused advice, go outside and find someone and save him or her. I wish to God someone would see me, see that I am there and in pain, and save me. Stop typing on this forum and look around you. Stop looking through people as if they aren't there. I am your coworker or your classmate, and this smile isn't real. I am waiting for the lonliness and pain to build up again so that I have the courage to stop enduring it again. If things don't change, if people continue to pretend I'm not there, then I will take steps to demonstrate what little control I have in this world - control over whether or not I choose to live in it. There are worse things then death - living alone and ignored for years on end. Few see me and those who do want nothing to do with me. I am alone and unloved. I'm empty and faithless.

 

Good Night

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Hi Hazel,

 

Your last post sounds well, grrrr , which is already much better than the first post.

 

The good news is that my replies are different and geared towards solving the problem by identifying the causes.

 

Please hang on for a moment. 15 minutes of your time may well be worth it.

 

BTW, age 23 I also still was a virgin.

 

In our lives, we have lots of expectations and sometimes others as well as us break those. The more broken expectations we have, the unhappier we are.

 

Your "crap" job is a broken expectation because you expected to have a good job.

 

You never having been with a girl is another broken expectation.

 

You want some friends but have none is what?

 

If people ridiculed or abused you, it may have broken your self esteem which is actually very severe because how can you like others if you do not like yourself.

 

All gets worse when you have regrets. Perhaps you regret not having done well in school which broke your job prospects but was mostly your own fault unless there was not enough money in which case you may feel your parents are at fault.

 

You also may have unmeetable expectations like someone you love passed away or left and you want them back. It's impossible - right?

 

Once you have enough broken/inmeetable expectations, you get depressed.

 

Depression - balance yourself

What is depression? Depression is a mental pain caused by an imbalance between expectations and ability. To make the pain go away, one has to improve ones ability (do better) and/or change ones expectations. In other words, to avoid depression, one ought to balance ability and expectations. Balance is it, as so often in life.

 

Ability Improving ones ability (doing better) can include for example overcoming lethargy, exercise, work better (often less hours!), learning new things, developing interests and hobbies, spending less time on unproductive and draining favorites like TV, RPG, online, party and hanging out, spending more time with loved ones and strong friends.

 

Expectations

When having suffered trauma (abuse, accidents, rape, ridicule)
, one has to overcome negative feelings which "broke" expectations by emphasizing on positive thoughts and a good future. Also feelings of guilt must be overcome.
Always remember, what someone did to you was not your fault!!!

 

Otherwise
, sometimes expectations are too high and must be reduced by dropping things one is unable to do. Examples include overcoming breakup, loss of a loved one, unrealistic objectives about career, peoples behavior or looking like a super model.

 

Self-esteem and self-worth always are part of ones "basic" expectations.

 

Change is cure. These ideas are by no means novel. Change requires patience and persistence as it's the case with all success. And there will be setbacks, it will take time to heal.

 

Please sit back for a moment and think about what your broken/unmeetable expectations are and tell us.

 

Then we will talk about how to resolve all that and find some positive things to look forward to.

 

Please also remember post #5 and follow it as much as you can. Printing it may be a good idea. Exercise your favorite activities when you feel well so it helps you when you feel down.

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Hi Mr. Roboto,

 

Welcome to eNotAlone!

 

I feel with you, been there too.

 

I am here for you too, am happy to talk about your issues in a personal way but please understand that the basics are the same for everyone. Please accept that your cure originates mainly from positive changes you make. Post #5 will give you a bit of grounding

 

All you can be is a loving healthy being to another loving healthy being. Substitute "being" as apropriate with child, parent, friend, partner, dog, master. Thus "beings" are not your therapists! You expect toooo much, sorry.

 

 

You suffer from low self esteem.

 

Tell us a bit about your life please, "suffering, pain, rejection, humiliation, and cold apathy" just follow the same procedure (sorry) as hazel. It will work!

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I'm not new here and if you want to hear my sob story, click on my name and read my old posts. Predictably, people on this site were as interested in my pessimism as much as people in the real world. I dropped out of therapy to work the night shift in a factory over the summer. In two weeks, I return to a school full of people who won't look me in the eye anymore. I was thrown out of my residence hall in the middle of the night because the school said my depression made me a legal liability, a threat to myself. I never knew that people could be so cruel to someone already in so much pain. I should never have asked for help. I knew I couldn't help myself. I will never tell anyone how I feel again or ask for help - they would probably expell me from the school. For a few months last fall, I was so happy - for the first time. It was no more real than the dreams that I lived on before. Just like the dreams, when it ended I was alone again. Those 40 year old guys who kill themselves, alone in their apartments - they were 23 once like me. I will keep getting older but nothing else will change.

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Mr. Roberto, I browsed your thread in poems. It seems you are compulsed to be the way your are and find it hard to change.

 

This thread is full of ideas on what can be done but only you can do it. Perhaps a journal in the Journal forum may be the way to start to progress.

 

Have you ever participated in proper therapy?

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hey thanks for your replies, especially you nottogreen.

 

but to be honest, nothing of note has ever hapenned in my life and so the only interesting things are in my head (sucide, romance etc). i do appreciate your thoughts but it the only thing that keeps me going is that one day it could change.

 

and i know people will say "you have to help yourself first", "stop moaning" and i know i sound like a whiny little boy, but ....i guess i just want some comfort.

 

i think i'll go cry in the corner.or laugh. i havent decided which yet.

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Those 40 year old guys who kill themselves, alone in their apartments - they were 23 once like me. I will keep getting older but nothing else will change.

 

Right you!

 

Im the 40 year old guy OK, and this summer in one of my very dark times I could have been one who killed him self in his apartments and as you can see I did not.

 

Why did I not, thats easy like the line from one of my faveret films

 

It comes down to one simple choice really, get busy living, or get busy dying."

 

I chose to get busy living, I can not change the fact I have a messed up head and that from time to time I sink in the waves but evry time I do I chose to fight the darkness and pull myself up from the deepths.

 

I can do this becouse after 40 years I know the darkness is part of my Illness I know that it is out side who I really am. I have very little control over it but what I do have I uses the best I can.

 

Its a never ending war by ME! on MY ILLNESS!

 

Just as it will always be there so then shall I.

 

I chouse my battels with it, I know how it trys to trick me into giving in the fight so it can win. It wonts me dead GET THAT its sole aim if to kill me off and ill be ****** if ill let it win.

 

The upside is Im a better man for fighting it,

 

MY illness is part of me and I used to hold it close to me. Then I relised thats also part of its tricks it tryed to make me see it as a convert, I can run away to the dark it would say when I can not face whats ahead in life. It told me that deaths not such a bad thing, It like a nice fluffy bed and all I have to do is give up the fight let it my Illness win the war and I can sleep like a baby safe and sound.

 

What it hides from me is the Shame and pain others will have after it wins.

The loss of hope and loss of a good life I would lose out on

My children and there lifes lost to its dark plains of death.

 

Its untily EVIL make no mistake it hate me as it hates you

To make a stand and fight it is a act of the higest order of nobiliy a human can do.

 

Its a Whippear and Lier, a cheat and con artist its always seeking to drage us down into its arms and away from a good and happy life.

 

Some times when we are on an up we forget its was there. But some of useknow tobe ever viguleat for it once it has made its 1st move into our lifes.

 

Some of us have tricks of my own, We can tell when we are over doing it, when we are starting to hurt ourselfs with shame and giult and know that its just waiting for use to do this. Some of use know that how we feel is under our own contral that no matter what the world dos around us its how we react in feelings that count.

 

See some of its power comes from use in harming ourselfs, feeling sorry for ourselfs that gives it inroads to our live. Its what it feeds off thows feelings of waithless and powerlessness.

 

Some of use know that by refusing to have thows feelings we can fight back, we can weaken and in then end for a time win over it. Some of use as so good at this that they can banish it forever.

 

I am not such but I can beet it when it comes.

 

I have PLaces I go, things I do that it hates becouse it knows wile Im there its hold is weak.

 

I have placed around me pepule who care about me.

 

Now its can see all the things I have done and trys to make me throw them away, but I know what its upto that when the words come out of my mouth that its using to Isolate Thats when I fight it, I stop them, I stop the drugs that give it free range like Drink and dope. I hold my Temper and hold my tunge.

 

When the bad dreams come and come they do, I know I have 100% controle over them as I have controle over evry feeing in may head a stand and face the fears and know I am the stronger.

 

So that now after 40 years its slinks around trying to explate any weakness to get hold of,

 

Now I found I can let it come and know all its moves and that means its power over me is lost. When it hits now I learn fast what its upto and shut it down, block all the roads, lock all the doors.

 

Now I have three words to shild me from the fall.

 

Truth, Strenght and Honnor.

 

until I have it caged once more.

 

Thats my fight, Thats my life.

 

I sand when other fall and get busy living!

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Well, I always have believed in three phrases of wisdom when I pass into depression or pain:

 

1.) You are not responsibile for the mishaps and bad luck in your life but, YOU are responsibile to DO something about them.

As nottogreen said "change is cure"

2.) Help yourself, for God to help you.

Okay you may not believe that there is a supreme being out-there but, you just have to admit it life is senseless: Logic dictates that you cannot go back infintely to search the roots of all creation, there must be something which, started it all. That something may be called God by some of us.

3.) Help others and you will be helping youself.

Strange enough but, it makes you feel good.

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Well, I always have believed in three phrases of wisdom when I pass into depression or pain:

 

1.) You are not responsibile for the mishaps and bad luck in your life but, YOU are responsibile to DO something about them.

As nottogreen said "change is cure"

2.) Help yourself, for God to help you.

Okay you may not believe that there is a supreme being out-there but, you just have to admit it life is senseless: Logic dictates that you cannot go back infintely to search the roots of all creation, there must be something which, started it all. That something may be called God by some of us.

3.) Help others and you will be helping youself.

Strange enough but, it makes you feel good.

I concur with all of that, and 2.) is of great philosophical significance and I will work that into my material.

 

Thank you Terry.

 

Edit: See: .

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Perfect way 2 go? well its all down to personal choice i guess!

Why don't you take up skydiving, and then one day just decide not to open your parachute. you'll have plenty of time to think it over on the way down, after all. i doubt you'd feel anything.

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Hazel, give yourself a chance. You are so young and it is very normal at this stage of life to have a lot of ups and downs as you discover yourself and become more independent. Don't give up on yourself before you have even started out in life. A lot of people who have brilliant minds and are special have early years of things being tough.

 

Write a list of some of the areas that if you could change and would make you happy. Then each day try and do something to step closer to your goal. would you be happier if you could find a different job or save and do some travel or study something different. Finding a place where you feel comfortable and can express yourself and be you can sometimes be a frustrating journey of discovery but have patience and give yourself a chance because you deserve it! Don't give up. Nothing stays the same and better things surely will be for you.

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My best way would be to cut my wrist and watch myself slowly die, or jump of a building, but thats just if i were to die i would want that but im never going to do it, coz it may leave me happy but it wont make all my loved ones happy it will only hurt them a whole lot, and i just cant hurt them that much they mean to much to me

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