Fate?

[moonchild]

Hi all

 

I have posted my story previously and managed to do NC. Things always seem to go better for me, but then suddenly he pops into my life again.

 

Just a brief:

We broke up in Dec due to long distance.

Kept LC for about 3 months, him initiating after wanting a clean break.

Phoned him once, sounding a little neg and decided NC from then.

He msgd me once a month for 3 months, kept NC.

Didn't receive a msg from him for my bday, so was a bit disappointed.

 

Recently went home on leave, decided to contact his mom to collect my cd's and return his things. Didn't want to continue with this yearning.

Was out and about for my brothers bday. Having a good time. Boom!! There he was.

He has been working abroad, as have I.

 

I had been trying to deal with the death of our relationship, so it was like seing a ghost, when we saw each other.

 

I walked upto him and kissed him. He asked if we could try again. I asked if he would make the effort and he said yes.

Anyway, the night continued and don't remember exactly what happened, but left with my brothers instead of going home with him. As was planned.

 

The next day he called to meet and exchange things. We met, but his brother was with him, so couldn't really talk things over. He said he'd see me before I left and hand over the rest of my things.

 

2 days went by and heard nothing. Contacted him and arranged to meet the next day, he was going out that night, but he would meet me next morning.

Sat around waiting for 3 hrs, no show. Phoned his mom, he doesn;t have a phone. She was worried because he had said he was going to meet me, but now no one knows where he was.

 

Got a call from him apologising, was a bit of a bender evening and he felt really bad, but would come over tonight to meet me. Called back later to say he was reluctant in coming over, because of the situation, but will come over in anyway.

 

I have never known him not to stick to his word, so I was disappointed, but we did meet up.

 

Kept things light and chatted friendly, went back to his brothers place, watched a movie and then I had to leave. As he walked me out, I told him that I wanted to talk about him wanting me back.

 

We sat down and chatted, starting out with us both being commited at trying again, but him asking how many LDR actually work. He didn't want me to meet a great guy and hold onto him. He has nothing to offer me right now and doesn't want to be responsible for ruining somebaody's life.

 

I assured him that he hasn't ruined my life and I've achieved many things without him in my life.

We we're kissing and cuddling and I could feel we still had something between us.

 

As I was leaving I told him that he shouldn't contact me anymore, as he isn't willing to make it work. So he agreed and walked off.

 

I sat in the car and couldn't leave it this way, so I called hom back outside and saw that he had tears in his eyes. He asked if we could leave it on good terms. He wants to try again, but he doesn't want to disappoint me. And he asked to keep it a secret, cause he doesn't want my brothers to hate him if he can't live upto it.

 

I asked if he had hope for the future at least, he said yes, but for the next 4 yrs it's all about him and I'd be away for that time in anyway.

 

We starting getting really into each other and he said that he really loved me. I would always have a special place in his heart, I am his first true love.

He knows that I am willing to make the effort, but he cannot promise anything from his side right now.

 

We agreed to keep it as friends and take baby steps. Allow the universe to play it's part and see what happens. He'll do what he has to do and I'll do what I have to do.

 

Please, if anybody can give me their views on the way things happened and what action I should take next. I would appreciate the input.

I suppose I am just scared that he may be leading me on, eventhough I don't think so, I may be wrong.

 

Guys: Is he being genuine?

Girls: How can I be there for him, but give him his space aswell?

[rose2summer]

I asked if he had hope for the future at least, he said yes, but for the next 4 yrs it's all about him and I'd be away for that time in anyway.

That right there answers your question. It's all about him, not about him and you. This relationship is toxic, there seem to be ups and downs, and you go from being happy to sad. Obviously all relationships have problems, but you seem to have more than needed. I would move on and try to forget about him. It seems you both are holding on to a love that is already lost. I don't want to be the bringer of bad news, but this relationship is just not going to hold it's own weight.

[Belle]

Moon,

 

Sorry, but it sounds like he's totally stringing you along. And you sound like you're going to let him. There's no reason to try when he has contradicted himself about wanting to work it out yet wants the next 4 years to be about him and hwatever he wants to do. If a guy really wanted you and felt you were the one, he's going to want you in his life regardless.

 

You need to know that you deserve better than that. What he's offering you is nonsense.

[walkingwithaghost]

no offence but he sounds like a loser. he's a flake. you called him, he stood you up, HE ASKED YOU TO KEEP A SECRET FROM YOUR BROTHER (IS HE SCARED OF THEM?!?!?!?!) he's definatley right, he's only bringing you down. you should just not contact him for like a yr., long distance is bs.

[moonchild]

Thanks guys,

I did believe that it was fate that brought us together again. We were both supposed to be at opposit sides of the world, work related, when we bumped into each other in my home town.

 

It is a funny thing though, maybe it was just a way of showing me that he definatly is not ready for LDR. Who ever is?? That's why I initiated the break up in the first place....

 

The day that I left, I had sent him a msg: Go give life your all, enjoy the journey. Remember that I love you. Babysteps, we'll see where life takes us.

 

Whereto he replied: Cool, take care and good luck.

 

Then 2 weeks later I received a call from a no that I didn't recognise, called back and it was him.

 

I asked why he called me, he said he never did, might have been dialled my no while in his pocket (I'm normally top in phonebook > A). Then he asked me if I was there with my bf. WEIRD. Said that I told him that I don't have a bf, don't have time for one. Asked him to delete my no, so this doesn't happen again. Chatted for a bit and then he still mentioned that I can call him whenever I want to. "I don't think so", then I had to go.

 

Funny thing is, he still calls me My Girl.

 

Surely he must still have feelings for me!!!

 

Anyway, was thankful the other day, when he replied to my msg about sending his address if he wanted an invite to my best friends wedding. He said thanks, will msg it later

BUT HE NEVER DID.

 

He has finally given me a reason, not to stay in love with him. I don't appreciate it when people don't stick to their word.

 

Never thought he would change like that. But I suppose at the age of 20, career driven, things change .

 

Thanks for hearing me out.

 

PS I still have faith in our love for each other, but for now there is nothing more I am going to do. Even if it's 21'st coming up next month.

 

DO you reckon that will get him to think of me again or how do I keep his attraction for me. I don't want him to get over me!!!!

 

Lessons in keeping the attraction please ;-)

[moonchild]

I don't want him to think that I have been a big wimp about this whole thing, I feel much stronger nowadays. NC is definitely the way to go.

 

Surely you can't forget your first true love

 

lots of love

hopeful ME

[kadvati79]

The LDR argument is crap. I did LDR for two years, if anything, it made the relationship more intense. Its hard yes, but I found that where there really was love and not just "fun" it didn't falter. My current boyfriend is a ballet dancer, so tours the world often. I travel alot with my businesses. Sometimes we end up in the same city, the rest of the time we don't. A LDR calls into question how much you really will sacrifice for that person.