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Hello all. I am posting the same thing again. For those of you that don't know, I am almost two years into a breakup and cannot stop thinking about the same things over and over. It has become my daily, and sometimes my hourly, obsession. Last night I woke up and had to use the bathroom. The minute I got up my mind started racing with thoughts of my ex and his present girlfriend, with another part of my brain trying desperately to squash the thoughts so I would be able to get back to sleep. Of course, I was then awake until it was light out.

 

I am ashamed that this is still stuck in my brain. I know that I have the tendency to obsess and overanalyze in general, but I have a pretty good handle on it for most other things in my life. The things that help me are all good things, like spending time with others or doing activities that I like and that keep my mind focused, or even thinking about events/trips I have coming up. But those times when I am just riding the bus, or lying in bed at night, I cannot seem to stop with the obsessing. I absolutely despise that I do this and I try not to discuss it with people that I know, because I think they might really think I'm nuts.

 

If anyone could post here and tell me any tricks they have to shut the thoughts off, or anything inspirational, I would love to hear it. I am well past the point, in my opinion, that I should be even thinking about this. He has clearly moved on. Why the hell can't I?

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It's compulsive. You can "uncompulse" yourself as long as you train yourself to think about something else. Takes time.

 

What about this?

  • You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
  • Look after your body and love yourself!
  • When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
  • You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
  • You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
  • Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
  • Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
  • Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
  • Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
  • Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
  • Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
  • Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
  • Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
  • Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
  • Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
  • KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
  • Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!

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Thank you. That is exactly what I was looking for. You have been extremely helpful. I need to be told sometimes to just stop, and I get confused by all the information out in the world. Some psychology says to let all the thoughts come and work through them, some says to just stop it in its tracks. I truly believe that I have to keep retraining my brain and telling myself to stop, as opposed to going with those feelings, because that time is well past. Thank you again.

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If anyone could post here and tell me any tricks they have to shut the thoughts off, or anything inspirational, I would love to hear it. I am well past the point, in my opinion, that I should be even thinking about this. He has clearly moved on. Why the hell can't I?

 

 

This is one that will work but its very hash, but it dos work.

 

In your mind you have the BF who loved you, you remember the good times and the happy times. Hes caring and feels for you.

 

But also there is another him, the stanger, the one who looked on and did not know how you where feeling, the one who gave you pain but most of all did not really know you.

 

Your mind will fight this, you will tell yourself he know you better than any one but thats not true, how can that be if he walk away from you and dos not even think about you any more and believe me he dos not.

 

You have to make him a stranger in your mind, think hard on the times where he just did not "get you" the times where you looked at what he was doing and could not fatherm his intaentions.

 

You will still think as you do now about him but there will come a stutel change in how you feel about him. The stranger who you shared some time with.

 

Do not hate him, this is not that kind of distanceing no this is looking at who you really where back than and who you are now and knowing and i mean really knowing that he did not know you as much as you know you.

 

Its hard I know but each time he pops into you head think of a spasific time when you or he just do not understand each other.

 

with my X I could remember times when she said things that shocked me or made me thing, wow I dont really know this peason as all. After a time I begain to see her as she really was not how love had blinded me to her bad points. Thats when I know I was with the wrong one back then and that helped me never again to see throw love and not reality.

 

Like I say its very hard, a big part of you will fight this as its trying to keep hold of a view of the past that is some how conferting but you have to start looking at the real past.

 

Good luck.

 

Spugly

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Thank you Spugly. I will try to do that, as I have utilized that method with past relationships and it has worked well. I think that part of the issue is that my ex and I rarely got on each other's nerves that way. What ultimately broke us up, sadly, is that we were friends. And while that was okay with me, he wanted the always-sought-after spark. Being the person I am, it's very hard for me to fault someone for wanting that. Nobody wants to live a passionless life, least of all me. So I guess what I am saying is that it's a struggle for me to remember times when he didn't get me, or vice versa, because we got each other so well that it made us eerily alike.

 

But, I totally get where you are coming from with that advice, and will rack my brain for an instance to get me through the tougher times.

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