Does anyone else have Dissociation?

[RIPDIME]

You see for the past two months I have felt very strange and after looking over what Dissociation disorder is, it seems to be the case of what I have been feeling. Now Dissociation to me is probably the worst thing I have ever felt. I mean there is things like immense pain etc but the problem with Dissociation is that it feels like your a cyborg you cant feel and it seems as if you have no soul and also theres the fear that it gives you. So I am wondering if anyone has Dissociation or has had it, I mean what should I do, can it be cured is this a long process (I certainly hope not).

 

But just to make sure this is how I feel:

I feel as if my feelings, emotions, memories have been dimmed somehow.

It seems as if the world is warped as if its in a different state.

Peoples faces seem strange, if I watch TV sometimes everyone seems different.

This feeling has seemed to be enhanced after I have done Marijuana or Alcohol.

 

Thanks for your time

[itsallgrand]

How much pot/booze do you use?

 

Yes, I'm all too familiar with disassociation. There's a good thread we had going on it here, I'll dig it up.

 

edit: can't find it..older than I thought. Will check again tomorrow.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

This post made me cry as it makes me think of myself between the ages of 14 and 15/16, when I suffered such intense disassociation/depersonalization I can remember sitting in the bath, gripping the sides and just screaming because it was inescapable mental torture. My identity, it felt, was being snatched away crumb by crumb and there was nothing for me to hold onto, nowhere to escape...because my own head and psyche was falling down around me.

 

I strongly urge you to stop using marijuana and limit your drinking to sensible limits. Getting drunk occasionally - nothing wrong with that - but why use a recreational drug that has been PROVEN to make such mental complaints worse? It annoys me slightly because I never did marijuana or drunk alcohol to get drunk at the time, yet I still went through hell.

 

Be assured that, chances are, you will ultimately grow out of it. The keys to my "getting over it", were Distraction, Understanding (of my mental illness...learning not to be afraid of it) and Empathy with other sufferers. Do a Google search, there are a couple of good forums out there for people with this problem. It can really help when you feel desperate and zombified just to know there are others with similiar problems.

 

I will definitely be thinking of you. PM me anytime, I can confidently say I am a veteran of this * of a torture.

[nottoogreen]

Wow, this is an interesting thread.

 

Definition: link removed.

 

I mean there is things like immense pain etc but the problem with Dissociation is that it feels like your a cyborg you cant feel and it seems as if you have no soul and also theres the fear that it gives you. ...

Pain may be psychotic, Disassociation seems caused mostly by trauma. Can you identify "personalities"?

Peoples faces seem strange, if I watch TV sometimes everyone seems different.

The psychotic effects above may be secondary. As others said, stay away from pot, booze and substances.

 

Do you have any history of trauma, accidents, abuse, intense fears, whitnessed anything very scary?

[itsallgrand]

Exactly the q's I was gonna ask, nottoogreen!

 

AntiLove, you nearly made me cry.

It hurts so bad knowing that other people have experienced dissociation. Yeah, it brings back memories.

Feeling like I might be crazy, a zombie, dead inside. Wanting desperately just to feel normal, to have it go away. For something to feel real again. To feel like I could walk down the street with a friend without being triggered off. There were times I would stray a little too close to traffic, and have trouble gauging distance of things around me - it is so disorientating.

 

RIP: I have a question though: are you speaking about dissociation or do you think you have Dissociation disorder?

 

RIP: you're not crazy. Yes, it can be extremely frightening - but remember that it can not hurt you. It is uncomfortable, but it does pass. You can learn how to manage and eliminate episodes and the intensity of it. And, it can't hurt to see a doctor. Sometimes nutritional deficiencies can bring this on! I hope yours is something simply like that, combo of booze/pot/poor diet.

You may find you might want to see a therapist if you have had a traumatic experience, abuse, ....

 

I have found grounding techniques to be helpful. What this is simply watching yourself and bringing yourself back into the present moment with something concrete:

Here's a good list, find something that works for you (takes practice)

link removed

 

The pot and booze most definetly isn't helping things along. Pay attention. Are there certain times you feel perfectly fine and then suddenly -boom - you feel dissociative? It's good to know.

 

There is tonnes of info available about this. Try the grounding techniques right away. Make sure you are eating right - it does matter. Get proper sleep.

 

Let us know how you're doing. Invitation to PM is open if you like. I spent quite a lot of time suffering from PTSD without understanding what was going on with me, finally found a good treatment program, and I rarely experience disociation any more.

It does get better. You don't have to suffer with it - whatever the cause.

 

take care,

grandy

[nottoogreen]

I have to research this as I am confused, itsallgrand, could you please share your experiences in a new thread?

[itsallgrand]

nottoogreen,

I was planning on starting a thread on PTSD anyways, a sort of resource. Dissociation is one of the symtoms for a lot of people. That's the experience I have of it.

 

I really hope i'm not confusing two things: if RIP is talking about Dis Disorder, that's something completely different.

 

I will start the new thread, but it may be slow going, as it ain't exactly easy yet for me to talk about that stuff.

[nottoogreen]

Understand, we all take time.

 

I am confused of the relation with schizophrenia and have to research.

 

Would you have any ideas?

[RIPDIME]

How much pot/booze do you use?

 

Yes, I'm all too familiar with disassociation. There's a good thread we had going on it here, I'll dig it up.

 

edit: can't find it..older than I thought. Will check again tomorrow.

Once dissociation started which was about two months ago, I quickly realized that pot and drinking were probably something that was affecting it so I stopped about 2 weeks after I started to get it. I told my friends I couldnt and thats it but I mean ive had a few glasses of beer or whatever, since the peer pressure involved with being in a group of teenage friends.

 

This post made me cry as it makes me think of myself between the ages of 14 and 15/16, when I suffered such intense disassociation/depersonalization I can remember sitting in the bath, gripping the sides and just screaming because it was inescapable mental torture. My identity, it felt, was being snatched away crumb by crumb and there was nothing for me to hold onto, nowhere to escape...because my own head and psyche was falling down around me.

 

I strongly urge you to stop using marijuana and limit your drinking to sensible limits. Getting drunk occasionally - nothing wrong with that - but why use a recreational drug that has been PROVEN to make such mental complaints worse? It annoys me slightly because I never did marijuana or drunk alcohol to get drunk at the time, yet I still went through hell.

 

Be assured that, chances are, you will ultimately grow out of it. The keys to my "getting over it", were Distraction, Understanding (of my mental illness...learning not to be afraid of it) and Empathy with other sufferers. Do a Google search, there are a couple of good forums out there for people with this problem. It can really help when you feel desperate and zombified just to know there are others with similiar problems.

 

I will definitely be thinking of you. PM me anytime, I can confidently say I am a veteran of this * of a torture.

I have pretty much stopped doing these things as I earlier said, not only because of dissociation being caused by them but also because somehow dissociation has made me realize that by drinking I am also doing an activity that has no purpose other than to have "fake fun", drinking now seems as such a generic thing that just everyone does with no speciality. Thats another thing with Dissociation I tried harder than I did before to find things were special and I tried to have such crazy ideals about everything that fun is just a state that everyone has, so why should I do it. THis probably occurred since I have always tried to be unique and stray from the masses and herd mentality and with Dissociation in effect since I felt feelingless I sort of tried to get the most intense feelings of difference but it just was all crazy philosophies. It also seems as if I am growing out of it, tonight it feels as if I am almost rid of it but still its like a shadow watching me and it still clings on to me, I still feel the pain of thinking it will never go away and that with it still here that I can never feel normal emotions etc. Funny you should also say getting over it were distraction, understanding and empathy since these have been what have gotten me to the point of tonight where I feel somewhat like I used to. One thing though I might add to help other people is that dissociation is almost like being frozen in ice and you slowly have to thaw the ice or break it. I have found to break it I had to get intense emotions such as great anger, happiness or yes the primitive feeling of lust. If I could get such feelings it seemed to put me closer to reality bring my feelings and emotions back a little bit. I will try and PM you if I have another attack come up or if I have any other questions. Thank you very much for all your helpful and kind words.

 

 

 

 

Wow, this is an interesting thread.

 

Definition: link removed.

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by RIPDIME

I mean there is things like immense pain etc but the problem with Dissociation is that it feels like your a cyborg you cant feel and it seems as if you have no soul and also theres the fear that it gives you. ...

 

 

Pain may be psychotic, Disassociation seems caused mostly by trauma. Can you identify "personalities"?

Quote:

Peoples faces seem strange, if I watch TV sometimes everyone seems different.

 

The psychotic effects above may be secondary. As others said, stay away from pot, booze and substances.

 

Do you have any history of trauma, accidents, abuse, intense fears, whitnessed anything very scary?

 

You see I sort of can identify personalities but not really. What I feel is not myself not how I used to but this doesnt mean I act like others etc, I just act like a zombie like I have been numbed sort of the half version of myself, or myself in a state of being in construction.

 

Yes I have many instances of trauma etc. You see when I was little my father did somethings that were very horrific including alcohol and I had to go in an ambulance to a hospital (I think it was alcohol poisining, I just remember a lot of pain, stitches, shock and fear of the unknown). Then later I moved with my mom to a different city which was a lot different for me.

 

I guess you could say I also have a very intense fear known as my shyness. Ever since I have been little ive had unbearable and painful shyness about me, to the point that every day for school I would feel extremely sick, nervous, anxious not only before school but also during school including any form of social action. As you can probably gather this made me an outsider and most people ignored me back then, which tore a hole in my soul. Of course after a while I have gotten better but I still remain pretty shy and before now many events caused by my shyness also caused me immense amounts of grief.

 

One of the most recent events of epic sadness or negative feelings had to do with girls. As some of you know love warps peoples minds into doing and feelings unnatural feelings and it warped my mind to a point of agony, every day for many months I felt horrificly sad, empty etc and of course this was all due to shyness. I wont really get into the story but since a lot of girls think im cute or something I thought I had a chance but my shyness made me seem like a complete fool, probably a serial killer and you can probably guess that nothing happened with these girls.

 

Thanks for these crucial questions btw.

 

Exactly the q's I was gonna ask, nottoogreen!

 

AntiLove, you nearly made me cry.

It hurts so bad knowing that other people have experienced dissociation. Yeah, it brings back memories.

Feeling like I might be crazy, a zombie, dead inside. Wanting desperately just to feel normal, to have it go away. For something to feel real again. To feel like I could walk down the street with a friend without being triggered off. There were times I would stray a little too close to traffic, and have trouble gauging distance of things around me - it is so disorientating.

 

RIP: I have a question though: are you speaking about dissociation or do you think you have Dissociation disorder?

 

RIP: you're not crazy. Yes, it can be extremely frightening - but remember that it can not hurt you. It is uncomfortable, but it does pass. You can learn how to manage and eliminate episodes and the intensity of it. And, it can't hurt to see a doctor. Sometimes nutritional deficiencies can bring this on! I hope yours is something simply like that, combo of booze/pot/poor diet.

You may find you might want to see a therapist if you have had a traumatic experience, abuse, ....

 

I have found grounding techniques to be helpful. What this is simply watching yourself and bringing yourself back into the present moment with something concrete:

Here's a good list, find something that works for you (takes practice)

link removed

 

The pot and booze most definetly isn't helping things along. Pay attention. Are there certain times you feel perfectly fine and then suddenly -boom - you feel dissociative? It's good to know.

 

There is tonnes of info available about this. Try the grounding techniques right away. Make sure you are eating right - it does matter. Get proper sleep.

 

Let us know how you're doing. Invitation to PM is open if you like. I spent quite a lot of time suffering from PTSD without understanding what was going on with me, finally found a good treatment program, and I rarely experience disociation any more.

It does get better. You don't have to suffer with it - whatever the cause.

 

take care,

grandy

 

You know I really dont know which one I am experiencing, I am feeling what you described in the first paragraph dead on though, but thats it.

 

A funny part of your words is how your mention crazy. When I first got Dissociation I felt as if I was going insane and turning into someone who is locked away into an insane asylum, my father told me it was just anxiety but it was different, now I know truly it isnt the case, but it sure does feel like it..

 

I shall definetly look at this list, it seems to be coming from someone who has a very good grasp on this subject. Also I am going to find a grounding treatment like you said and of course if I have any questions I will PM you. One more thing, yes there are times when I am normal and then bam it hits me but this is varied really.

 

Thanks for your wise words

[nottoogreen]

If you do not get better soon, see a specialist. I am not sure you have dissociative identity disorder at all as you can't identify several personalities.

 

Have you ever done glue, paint or solvents ??? as abuse of these frequently leads to similar effects.

 

I think you were traumatized (shocked) by your delusive and psychotic experiences adding to your list of trauma.

 

According to the article I linked, In any case treatment would begin with resolving depression following your longterm trauma and then further diagnosis would be made.

 

Lets start small. I want you to remember this always:

Most important to remember and perform.

This is the most important part of this guide. Please take it seriously as your success largely depends on it.

• You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
  
• Look after your body and love yourself!
  
• When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
  
• You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
  
• You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
  
• Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
  
• Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
  
• Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
  
• Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
  
• Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
  
• Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
  
• Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
  
• Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
  
• KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
  
• Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!
  

[nottoogreen]

Next we should talk about depression.

 

An example for broken expectations. You love and miss your dad, expect you dad to love, respect and care you, but he does not.

 

This broken expectation becomes unmeetable if you are unable to change your dad.

 

Unmeetable expectations break us.

 

Once you have enough broken/unmeetable expectations, you get depressed.

 

So, please sit back for a moment and think about what your broken/unmeetable expectations are and tell us.

 

In other words tell us what hurt you, made you angry, what you miss in your life.

 

Depression - balance yourself

What is depression? Depression is a mental pain caused by an imbalance between expectations and ability. To make the pain go away, one has to improve ones ability (do better) and/or change ones expectations. In other words, to avoid depression, one ought to balance ability and expectations. Balance is it, as so often in life.

 

Ability Improving ones ability (doing better) can include for example overcoming lethargy, exercise, work better (often less hours!), learning new things, developing interests and hobbies, spending less time on unproductive and draining favorites like TV, RPG, online, party and hanging out, spending more time with loved ones and strong friends.

 

Expectations

When having suffered trauma (abuse, accidents, rape, ridicule)

, one has to overcome negative feelings which "broke" expectations by emphasizing on positive thoughts and a good future. Also feelings of guilt must be overcome.

Always remember, what someone did to you was not your fault!!!

 

Otherwise

, sometimes expectations are too high and must be reduced by dropping things one is unable to do. Examples include overcoming breakup, loss of a loved one, unrealistic objectives about career, peoples behavior or looking like a super model.

 

Self-esteem and self-worth always are part of ones "basic" expectations.

 

Change is cure. These ideas are by no means novel. Change requires patience and persistence as it's the case with all success. And there will be setbacks, it will take time to heal.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

I feel as if my feelings, emotions, memories have been dimmed somehow.

It seems as if the world is warped as if its in a different state.

Peoples faces seem strange, if I watch TV sometimes everyone seems different.

This feeling has seemed to be enhanced after I have done Marijuana or Alcohol.

 

These are all also symptoms of - feeling like sh#t!! Being depressed and unhappy can cause all these things too- drinking and getting high makes these feeling more uncomfortable and less controllable- and yet it remains hard to stop because ...you're unhappy!!!!! Not necessarily a disorder- easier to be sick than unhappy though.

 

Just a thought- obviously I don't know you

[GottaLetItBurn]

RIPTIDE, I want to tell you, I am going through this too, it started the day I smoked marijuanna with my friend...I had a severe panic attack. My therapist said my level of anxiety mixed with moderate depression brought me to a suicidal level on the scale. Although I had no thoughts of killing myself, I did not have an energy, and felt very painful anxiety..I wanted to die, but my drive to get better go me to a hospital and on antidepressants which stablized me.

 

I can tell you, do NOT smoke marijuanna. It will make it worse. I am definatly going through dissociation. It is hard, but the people on here have said it passed for them, so be hopeful like me. I sometimes feel the very essense of my soul is going to disappear and that scares the hell out of me. You just have to keep going.

 

It's hard, but you aren't the only one, I think I have felt this way mildly before in my life. ALthough I know I brought this on myslef.

 

I suspect my heartbreak from over a year ago was so much, that this was my bodies last ditch effort to deflect pain. This is a coping mechanisim, maybe it is for you too. I have to say, I would have cried my eyes out in the beggining instead of hold it in if I had known I would develope dissociation. It's so hard, I pray that you will get over this.

[Juliana]

Old thread.

 

Just for the record, Dissociation runs the gamut from limited amnesia and emotional disconnect to alternate "personalities." You can be thoroughly dissociative, and not ever have fully formed separate identities.

 

Dissociation is very different from depression. The five core symptoms are: Amnesia, depersonalization, derealization, identity confusion, identity alteration.

 

Dissociation does not naturally resolve with time. A dissociative may have amnesia for certain information or events in their lives, and have amnesia for the amnesia; they don't know that they can't remember. They will have episodes of feeling they are watching themselves from a distance, that they are in a dream, or that the world around them is not real, familiar people will seem like strangers. They will be confused as to who they are, uncertain of their values, beliefs and goals, creating what sociologist Kenneth Gergen calls a "pastiche personality."

 

"The pastiche personality is a social chameleon," he says, "borrowing bits and pieces of identity from whatever sources are available and constructing them as useful or desirable in any given situation." In severely dissociative people, the pastiche can splinter into fully-formed separate personalities, which, although they seem like separate identities, are really only functioning aspects of one core personality that has been shattered.

 

Dissociation represents an attempt by the mind to protect the identity and maintain connection with a reality that is unbearably painful. As an extreme coping mechanism, it is differentiated from other illnesses such as schizophrenia (in which the identity is disorganized and reality misperceived, obliterating the personality and making communication with the world impossible) and psychosis (in which the personality exists but reality is misperceived). Dissociatives have excellent reality testing and are not delusional.

 

Dissociation arises out of trauma and post traumatic stress syndrome, and responds to the kinds of treament used for PTSD, with the caveat that under no condition can memories be sought after; repressed memories must be allowed to emerge on their own. Hypnosis, therapy, and sodium pentothal have been used to ill effect in the past. Until the past trauma is worked through and the emotions processed by the conscious mind, however, the dissociation will not resolve.

 

If anyone wants to know how to take steps to try to resolve their own dissociation, let me know, I have some information. Those of you who have experienced ill effect from marijuana are actually experiencing drug-induced psychosis. It will pass on it's own.

[Luke Skywalker]

But I like to see myself as a robot or cyborg, I cant have crushes on women and I'm invulnerable. This is necessary to avoid hang-ups and to escape and not care. I try to feel get 'dissociation' - I would separate my 'business' self from my 'personal' self. The 'business' side has no feelings and everything is for the purpose of making money. There is no friendships, relationships, no hurt, etc... who cares who I am - .

 

No I haven't experienced dissociation, but will sometimes use this as a coping strategy to deal with crushes or hang-ups with some women.

[Juliana]

Robots and cyborgs do not have good relationships with real human beings. Dissociatives trade everything to escape pain. Vulnerability is the price we pay for human relationships.