grr.....sometimes I really don't like myself (urgent)

[helpme2]

not sure where to post this, but it has to do with my health (a lot) so anyway.......

 

 

 

 

I am so hungry, but not "real" hungry, like emotional hungry, and my husband and I can't have sex this week, so I can't do that (which is usually how I get through my emotional hungry times) I don't want to eat because I am stressed, I lost 10 lbs I don't want to undo all that because of a moment of weakness

 

I just don't know what to do, I am all nervous and anxious and I can't have my comfort sex, and I don't want my comfort food, but I do want my food, but I don't want to be fat anymore, and I don't know what to do

 

 

 

My other two options (or shall we call them non-options) are cutting, and drinking. I don't want to do that either.......I should be happy that I have enough control that I haven't done anything bad yet, but I am just stressed thinking about it

 

anyone got any good coping skills? lord knows I need them........

[princess81]

Its good that you made a decision and are sticking to it but dont let it stress you. You say you cant have sex well is not the only thing you can do plan something nice for you and the hubby like a healthy picnic or cook a healthy romantic dinner rent a movie and cuddle any thing that works except hurting yourself in anyway.

[InaneCathode]

You should probably see a therapist, if you truly believe cutting, drinking and eating are the only ways to outlet how you feel.

Coping skill: Seeing someone who knows how people work intricately eg therapist.

[helpme2]

I am in therapy, I was having a bad night.........don't you ever just have a bad night?

[nottoogreen]

Hi Helpme,

 

Everyone can have bad days. There will be more good days.

 

How are you today.

 

Here is some coping stuff.

Most important to remember and perform.

This is the most important part of this guide. Please take it seriously as your success largely depends on it.

• You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
  
• Look after your body and love yourself!
  
• When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
  
• You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
  
• You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
  
• Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
  
• Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
  
• Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
  
• Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
  
• Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
  
• Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
  
• Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
  
• Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
  
• KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
  
• Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!
  

 

Please let us know how you feel!

[helpme2]

[*] You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.

 

 

[*]Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.

 

[*]Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.

 

those sum up my problems last night, I am going to print out your entire post and carry it around with me.

 

I kinda too got into this bad thinking thing, where I just kept going in this downward spiral.....

[nottoogreen]

Sex would be good for you. How are the hormone/sex issues improving?

 

Were you alone last night - hubby away?

 

Do you have enough sleep?

[helpme2]

they are doing better, he had a medical test today, so last night he wasn't feelign so hot (no food, weird prep meds ect)

 

I never have enough sleep, I am going to the doctor to talk about that next week.

[nottoogreen]

The best things for you are sleep and love including good sex.

 

But please understand that your hubby can not understand the complexity of you feelings, all he can be is your loving healthy partner.

 

You feel better, the closer the two of you can be, and you get better faster. A positive circle, get into it.

[helpme2]

 

But please understand that your hubby can not understand the complexity of you feelings, all he can be is your loving healthy partner.

 

yeah, that's my thing with unrealistic expectations. Realistically I can't expect much more than what he is able to give me now........but I get it built up in my head that if he isn't "everything I want/need him to be" that he doesn't even love me

 

my mind is my own enemy sometimes.

[cmd]

There are a lot of helpful ways to cope with intense urges and intrusive thoughts. One way is to drink an entire glass of water (this will distract you as it takes some effort to down a glass of water). Others include exercise, watching a comedy, calling a friend, puzzles, taking a warm bath, snap a rubber band on your wrist, listen to an entire CD, read a book or a magazine. Do anything that requires some mental effort and you'd be surprised how your disturbing thoughts will fade. Practice this and in a few weeks to a few months you will start noticing how your mind is getting retrained. If that doesn't work it may be time to see a therapist who can do more intensive cognitive therapy or hypnotherapy.

[nottoogreen]

yeah, that's my thing with unrealistic expectations. Realistically I can't expect much more than what he is able to give me now........but I get it built up in my head that if he isn't "everything I want/need him to be" that he doesn't even love me

 

my mind is my own enemy sometimes.

No, not only you!, me too, it's common. One has to develop enough confidence to accept that the limitations of others are not a sign of lack of their love. It has nothing todo with it!

 

It takes an emphatic therapist to relate to feelings they never experienced. One can't expect therapists to first endure all kinds of abuse and resultant depression, SI, etc to understand their patients.

 

Thus most people can't relate, your hubby included.