Life changes with baby on the way

[diverp]

I am 35 and got married about 2 years ago. We are expecting our first child in a few weeks. I am really happy about that.

 

I have a well paying job (that is pretty stressful, but pretty stable too), a nice house, a couple of nice cars, etc. I have a wife I love and the family is about to grow.

 

The one thing I have noticed about my life is that ever since I got married, I have not been as much of a goal setter as I was when I was single. I always used to have a goal (financial, etc.). Now, I feel a little stagnant at times. Wthe past 9 months that my wife has been pregnant, we have not been able to do the kinds of things we normally would do. Actually, everything has been one house project after another.

 

Now, I know this sounds very whiney, and I know these are all not big issues, but I would assume 99% of people in the same boat have felt the same when transitioning from a goal driven, ambitious lifestyle to a low key family lifestyle. Not a big deal, just curious.

 

Thanks

[Beec]

It seems that you have something in life that is more important than your own goals. Who would tell you that your goals are more important than your family? Few, I would hope.

 

I think you still can set goals, just make sure that your faimly is a priority.

 

And yes, I am not to the stage you are, not married as long, but I noticed it.

[Hope75]

I wonder if all the home projects are part of the "nesting" stage that new parents go through in order to ready their home and their lives for a new baby.

 

Will this be your first baby?

 

What sort of goals do you feel are being over looked?

 

What sort of things would you and your wife do before that have changed since she became pregnant?

[diverp]

I am pretty sure the home projects are partially about nesting. Of course, a bunch of things needed to be done around the house and I could foresee that I would have little time for doing those once our baby comes along.

 

Lets see, before marriage, life was about having goals for career, education, family, etc. The thing is that I have a lot of that right now, the things I have wanted. The issue for me is that for the longest time, those all kept my mind going and working and planning, etc. Now, I feel like I am at a different stage of life and need to come up with a new set of goals. I hate to feel stagnant. I hate to feel like I am not learning or improving.

 

Before my wife was pregnant, we would ride dirtbikes once in a while, go to the coast and roam around a bunch, I would scuba dive, she would ride horses. We would play in a volleyball league.There were a handful of things we both did together and independently of each other. I'm not complaining about these changes as they are normal for a new family with a pregnant wife and child on the way. I am looking more for ways of accepting or changing my "fun things" to accommodate how things are getting.

[Hope75]

This all sounds like the natural progression that follows getting married and having a family. It seems very healthy and adaptive. As you said, you now own a home, have a wife, and a baby on the way, 3 goals met right there. As for education, I am assuming you are a college grad, but there is no reason you cannot further that education later on if it suits you.

 

The things you previously enjoyed as a young married couple are not really safe activities for a pregnant woman, but that does not mean that you cannot resume some of those after the baby is born. I know for friends of mine, things they enjoyed before they became parents (motorcycle riding, for one) are things they still do now that they have 2 young children, though not as often and for them there is a certain caution in these activities because of the risks involved and the fact that it is not just about them anymore.

 

I suspect when you have the baby, you will learn new activities that also involve the child (you can still hike and travel with a child, the horseback riding and scuba diving will be activities for when you have a sitter...)

 

Although this is definitely a period of adjustment for you and your wife, it seems as though you have a good handle of it, and are well prepared to consider new goals as you progress. It's excellent progress already that you've met many of your big goals thus far.

[RayKay]

I think a lot of these shifts are due to pregnancy and child on way too, as the others said. Nesting is pretty normal, as is getting those house things out of way!

 

And, honestly, those activities you enjoyed...you still can by finding the time, and after the child is around. I am pretty athletic, and have several athletic friends - many whom have children. They still get out there and mountain bike, and camp, and adventure race, and so on. Of course they have to weigh the risks and are a bit more cautious about what activities they do, but they still do it! Many get the kids involved as well, and switch off child care so they get individual hobby time too.

 

I told another poster yesterday about a woman I read about in my running magazine whom is 41 with 10 kids (7 months - 21 years old) whom still runs marathons despite all those kids and having moved many times last few years (military wife). She just has to do it at 4:30 am before the kids get up I certainly won't have as many kids, but I still will pursuse hobbies I love, and want my partner to do the same. Fortunately I also know he respects and supports me doing that.

 

I think it is still important you do enjoy those hobbies in some way, even if you have limited time. It's good for kids to see you dedicated to something too! But, your family does have to be a priority...but you can work with that too.

 

It's all about adapting to the new routine, situation and life. You can do it though!

[Siriana]

Don't worry, once the baby is born you will have so much things to do that you will not be even be able to think about goals for a while. You are going to be busy all the time - and stagnant in one way but very active, responsible on another.

 

When youadapt to this new way of life that the baby requires I guess you will find things that makes you as a family happy.