Is it too soon?

[librarychick]

I don't know if this belongs here or on the divorce boards, but I thought I'd try here.

 

I JUST got a divorce this past Monday. I left my ex-husband over 10 months ago and even before I left, things were on their way down the toilet. Well, a few weeks ago I met a guy online and right away things clicked. We've since seen eachother 4 or 5 times and we're both very interested. But I'm afraid this is too soon after my divorce. He's a little freaked too that things are going "too well, too soon". (he broke-up with his fiancé in January)

 

If we're both "feeling it" does that make it ok? Or should I tell him we have to slow down? I really don't want to, but I'm afraid of making a mistake with this one.

[shes2smart]

While your divorce may have been finalized this past Monday, I'm betting if you look back at the last year, you probably knew the relationship was over long before last Monday.

 

From your wording, it sounds like your guy was the one to initiate the break-up with his ex. If that's the case, then he probably knew that relationship was over prior to breaking up. Usually people who do the leaving (the "dumper") in a relationship have tried for quite some time to make it work out -- meaning they're aware that something's not right -- and the break-up is just the last step in an on-going process.

 

That being said, there are, no doubt, people who will observe your relationship with this guy from the outside and pronounce it as "too soon" for either of you to get in a relationship. They will say it's a "rebound affair" and so forth.

 

In reality, you're the only one who can answer that question for yourself. Some questions to ask yourself...are you over your last relationship? do you feel you are ready to move on or are you using this new relationship as a distraction to keep you from dealing with issues within yourself? You don't need to answer them here, but they are some things you should think about. Brutal honesty within yourself is good as you sort through things.

 

I broke up with my last bf at the end of June 2001. My husband left his ex and started divorce proceedings in March 2001. We met online in August 2001, f2f in Sept. 2001 and got married less than a year after that. If this is a "rebound" relationship, it's the best relationship I've ever been in...but I do know that there were folks outside of the two of us who'd say we were moving "too fast" and it was "too soon" for us to get involved.

 

After a lot of brutally honest soul-searching, I was able to determine they were wrong. You may come to the same conclusion about your relationship, and you may not....but ultimately, that's a decision that's going to have to come from you & your SO.

[librarychick]

Wow... great advice and fast. Thank you so much. You're right... about everything.

[Beec]

Too soon to be in a relationship? I doubt it. I was only a few months out of a long one when I met my wife.

 

Too fast, maybe. I would slow down, but I would not change direction. Things that you take your time getting into, seem to be things that you stick with. In fast, seems to me to create burn out fast. So, I'd slow down for this relationship's sake, not because you are just geting out of one.

[shorty20]

you know, its funny how other people can think that it's ok for them to tell you whether it's too soon or not for you to be in a relationship. Only you can know that. I've known my fiance since about 8th grade. We were best friends, dated briefly in highschool and then lost touch when he transfered schools. I started getting letters from him in boot camp about 6 months ago, he came back and we spent the entire month and a half together that he had leave, and we are now planning our wedding for this december. Too fast? Everyone thinks to seem so... but what matters is that him and I are both ready. If you have doubts, keep moving forward but move slow... if you don't have any doubts then do what you feel is right and don't let what others say/think get to you because they couldn't possibly know how you feel. Good luck!

[mikeywins21]

I've been in this Sistuation myself, I have just filed for divorce back on March 10th, it's just now being finalized as we speek but I am still legally married, Since then I started dating a girl only a month after I filed. I had known her for 7 years tho so it just seemed right. That did not work and only lasted about 2 to 3 months. I wasn't ready at all to get back into a relationship even tho I also was the dumper and I also had tried to make my marriage work for 2 and a half years before I fianlly left.

 

 

I'm now with a new girl and me and her are much better for eachother than my last g/f. We've only been seeing eachother for a week now, I used to work with her sister for 3 years and know her somewhat but we have been spending almost everyday together, She's even talked about getting married someday cuz she's never felt this way before, Now this time I'm being smarter than before and being the one to say Slow Down. If you both know what you want and you both see your not going anywhere any time soon. then I see no problem with the pace your going at. IT will all work out. Just don't rush anything your not ready to do.