Wonderland

[shes2smart]

Don't Block The Blessings

 

When I was at the gym Saturday, I saw a woman wearing a t-shirt that said, "Don't Block The Blessings" on the back of it. I thought, "Huh. Interesting."

 

Don't block the blessings.

 

For some reason, it stuck in my head as something I needed to be reminded of right now. In what ways and in what areas am I standing in my own way and blocking the blessings?

 

Later, I saw the t-shirt wearer from the front and there was a picture of Patti LaBelle on the front of the shirt. That made it pretty easy to look up the source when I got home. Apparently it's the title of a book she wrote. I haven't checked to see if the local library has it, but I probably will in the next few days. If they do, I'm going to operate on the hunch that I'm supposed to read this book.

 

This is how I live. There are no coincidences. I generally don't even notice other people at the gym beyond seeing they're there so I don't run into them. However, this woman's shirt was screaming at me. I was very tempted to walk up to her and say thank you, I really needed to see the message on your shirt...but thought that might come accross a little too weird.

 

Don't Block The Blessings.

 

Weekend was good. All was quiet on the gallbladder front. Worked out Saturday (cardio & weights) and Sunday (just cardio). Was feeling good enough to experiment with some restaurant food yesterday. Garden salad with grilled chicken, dressing on the side. No problems. Yeah, it wasn't exactly a risky choice, but it was the first restaurant/take-out food I'd had in a week. As we were having lunch, we were discussing this and could not remember the last time we'd gone an entire week without a restaurant meal.

 

I've been looking at nutritional information on restaurant websites...trying to figure out what I can have that won't cause problems, and what I should probably avoid. I'm looking primarily at fat grams, as it's fatty/greasy stuff that's likely to trigger a gallbladder attack. Y'know, I never really looked at this stuff that closely before. I'm stunned by what's in restaurant food in terms of fat and calories. Not just fast food burger places...we all know they're not your best option. But even places that give the appearance of healthier choices aren't necessarily all that great, either.

 

It's been a bit of an eye-opener for me. Probably a necessary eye-opener. I don't intend to give up restaurant dining, though. For the short term, I do have to cut way back (because I don't want to get sick) but I enjoy that way too much to restrict it or cut it out completely. Thank God I can cook, though. Between restaurant options and prepared foods, I don't know how people who can't cook manage.

 

Cleaned the house Sunday. It was a group project, so it wasn't too awful bad.

[shes2smart]

That Was Different

 

This week, I have something going on after work almost every day. Today, I go to the chiropractor. Tomorrow, it's the bread-making class. Thursday, the next session of Thursday night yoga starts. Friday, I have to work late because of the charity fund-raiser thing we are doing. Getting to the gym this week was looking iffy.

 

Then I thought, heck, I usually wake up early anyway (5 or 6 am) why don't I drag my sorry butt to the gym and work out in the morning instead of dinking around online or on Warcrack until it's time to get ready for work. So, this morning, I tried that early-morning work out thing.

 

It wasn't bad. I got there a little after 6:30 and got out about an hour later. More people there than I expected, but less than are usually there when I go in the late afternoon/early evening. I got home in plenty of time to have breakfast, pack my lunch and get ready for work. It's about noon now and I'm feeling pretty good. Dunno if I will be doing this on a regular basis, but for today it was ok.

 

It's been 3 weeks since we got the second computer...and something funny is happening. From what I can tell, I'm playing less, he's playing more. It maybe makes sense in that, toward the end of the one-computer days, when we were both home and awake, he was on it on raid nights and staying off it on non-raid nights in an attempt to share it. Now it doesn't matter if it's a raid night or non-raid night...he can be on it either way...and he is.

 

In some ways, though, being able access a computer whenever I want has made me care less about what kinda time he's spending on the game. Because it's not really having any sort of direct impact on me. Selfish, self-centered and "me, me, me!" huh? Well, I'm not putting myself in the position of being his parent and telling him he's playing too much and staying up too late.

 

It's not my responsibility to set a bedtime for him, in much the same way that it's not my responsibility to make dietary choices for him. I'm plenty busy managing those things for myself, thanks. Don't need to take it on for another person. How it's working now is I tell him what I'm cooking and he tells me if he'll be eating any (or not) and that lets me know how much to cook. If he chooses not to eat what I'm fixing, he knows he'll be fending for himself.

 

To be fair, he is trying to help with the changes I have been making because he felt really bad after the attack I had last week. He actually puts away the junk food and doesn't leave it out where I can see it, for starters. So, we're getting through it. I've been attack-free for a week so maybe I'm getting it right often enough.

[shes2smart]

I Was Wondering Why....

 

...you still had your job. Here's a Top Ten list of reasons for me to choose from: link removed

 

This one

9. The employee has everybody fooled.

In their book "Snakes in Suits," Paul Babiak, Ph.D. and Robert D. Hare, Ph.D., explain that a surprising number of workplaces employ psychopaths.

While psychopaths make up 1 percent of the general population, Babiak and Hare found that 3.5 percent of the executives they worked with "fit the profile of the psychopath."

 

Psychopathic employees are pathological liars who get away with doing little or no work. They charm senior management with their "leadership potential," con co-workers into covering for them, and successfully blame others for their mistakes.

 

If you're the only one who sees what they're up to, you're in a tough spot. Sometimes it's the whistle-blower who gets fired, not the snake. described someone back at Dysfunction Junction to a T. I have never seen someone so talented at kissing butt, shifting blame and throwing other people under the bus. I suppose we all have to be good at something.

 

Bread making class tonight. That should be fun. Otherwise, it's quiet here today.

[shes2smart]

I Believe In Miracles

 

So, we did the fund raiser for the charity the last couple days. To say it was a success would be an understatement. Both the radio station staff and the people from the charity were floored by the response and the final total. It was far beyond what we thought we could do, given the constraints we were working under.

 

Unfortunately, I cannot write about this without putting in a lot of really identifying details...so I will not be writing much about it here. Here's what I've sorted out of this so far: I've been involved in some other fund-raising broadcasts that raised less money, but took more (much, much more) of my time, energy and attention. Maybe Arbitron (radio ratings) is grossly underestimating the number of people who listen to the station.

 

But that event is over now, and we can go back to "business as usual."

[shes2smart]

A Good Day

 

I made cookies with my brand new #50 disher. ("What the heck is a disher?" you ask. link removed)

 

I had bought a #30 disher a few months ago, but it made the cookies too big. A #50 is about half the size. On "Good Eats" (the Food Network show where I first learned about using dishers for cookies), Alton Brown was recommending a #20 disher...which would be bigger than a #30...and I thought the cookies from the #30 disher were too big. So, no thanks. I'd rather have smaller, crispy cookies (like, "just this side of burnt, please" cookies).

 

I got the disher the other night after the bread class. Unfortunately, I think it is the last class I'll be taking there for a while. The chef who used to run the store's culinary program left for another job. He was a very personable guy and told all manner of cooking and food stories during class, encouraged us to get up and work on all the different things we made during the class. It was loosely controled chaos and a heck of a lot of fun. You got to decide what item or items you wanted to help make, and you could go around to the different stations in the kitchen and watch everything or just one thing.

 

The new chef is not the most personable guy and takes a much more structured approach to the class. No stories, and not a lot of opportunity for actually doing much in terms of hands-on cooking. There's a lot of "sit and watch me do this with only the most basic explanations." But, I did get the brioche dough recipe and got to see how to make it. So, I think I will only be taking classes for stuff that I really, really, really want to learn how to make. Because it's not as much fun with the new instructor. Maybe he'll get better as he gets more comfortable in the job. I kinda got that vibe off him...that he wasn't really comfortable being in front of a class and teaching. The other chef was a really outgoing, "people person" kind of guy, and I don't think the new chef has that kind of personality.

 

Anyway, when you take a class, they give you a discount coupon that's good for a week afterward. At the break halfway through the class, I happened to see that they had #50 dishers, so I got that with my coupon. I also got an link removed with my class discount. Used both to make the cookies. They freakin' rock.

 

Other than that, I ran some errands this morning, dyed my few gray roots, cleaned up my kitchen, played a little Warcrack, made up a grocery list, did a couple small chores around the house. It's been a quiet but good day. Got a lot of stuff accomplished.

[shes2smart]

I Refuse To Live In Fear

 

I saw that ^^ on a bumper sticker on my way to work this morning. A timely reminder...much like the Patti LaBelle t-shirt at the gym last week. The library did have the book and I picked it up over the weekend. Haven't started reading it yet, but I have it.

 

I refuse to live in fear.

[shes2smart]

Well....How Did I Get Here?

 

Last night, I was emailing back and forth with a friend who is going through a break-up. She recently discovered the guy she'd been seeing most of this year is a closet alcoholic. She broke up with him. He's now trying to convince her that he's not an alcoholic.

 

She knows I went back and forth for 5 stormy years with an alcoholic, so even from the sidelines, this looks very familiar to me. I feel badly for her because I've been in her position. In some ways, though, she is stronger than I am...and I know she will get through this and be fine. Even if she's a little iffy on that herself right now.

 

But it made me wonder what factors came together for me to end up where I am relationship-wise now. How is it I get to be in the stable, healthy, loving relationship with a reasonably sane and together person? Especially when you consider my relationship history before him. Really, it's no better or worse than her relationship history.

 

So, what makes us different? The one big thing I can think of right off the top of my head is I spent most of my 30's in therapy. I don't know if she has gone for any professional personal counseling. Is that the difference? How can that one thing be accountable for the differences (if it does have anything to do with the differences at all.)

 

How much of it is just plain dumb luck? If you believe (as I do) that, to a large degree, you create your own "luck," then a good part of what happens comes back to the thoughts, beliefs and attitudes each person holds and uses to consciously or unconsciously create their reality.

 

Does it come down to personal responsibility and how we choose to view life? What kind of reality would having the thought, "I've been in some screwed up relationships. I seem to attract guys with issues." create? How about the thought, "I've had some screwed up relationships. I am learning to spot problems sooner and not make excuses for other people's bad behavior"?

 

For all our similiarities, I know that I did/am doing something differently than she is. I just don't know what that is.

[shes2smart]

That Explains The Irritablilty

 

Woke up all crampy and bleedy this morning. It's kinda weird in that, now, at this point in my life when my body should start getting hormonally wacky and my cycles should be starting get irregular with menopause looming on the horizon, they actually start getting more predictable and regular. Go figure.

 

Took some ibuprofen before breakfast which helped. But I'm so incredibly sleepy (even though I got something approaching 8 hours of sleep last night).

 

Well, it's been an interesting week at work. There's been some budgetary re-shuffling (read: job eliminated). While it wasn't my job, there will be some trickle down as that eliminated job gets divided up among those of us who are still employed. Does it mean more money? Oh, heck no...of course not. They had to eliminate a position because there wasn't enough money (supposedly), so they certainly aren't in a place where they can be handing out raises...but the work still needs to get done.

 

Whatever. I'm withholding judgement because it's still too soon to tell what, exactly, this turn of events will mean in my world. I expect I'll have a better idea in another week or so. Possibly more because of the holiday next week. Nothing much will get done next week what with the 4 day Thanksgiving weekend.

 

We got a cornish hen last time we did groceries. It's going to be our Thanksgiving meal. It's just us, so a cornish hen is about the right size for minimal leftovers. I also got a recipe for a pumpkin flan. That's mostly for my husband, as I'm not a big fan of the pumpkin flavor, but I am still looking forward to making something different.

 

This weekend, I'm going to try making the sage focaccia they showed us at the bread class last week. I thought about trying to make it last night after I got home from work, but I'm not sure how long it's going to take. The dough has to rise twice, with an estimated time of about 1 hour per rise...plus there's a 30-45 minute wait time on making the sponge for the bread. In class, we were shown how to put the sponge and dough together, then told about the process of rising, shaping the loaf, and going through a second rise. The chef teaching it had prepared a loaf of the bread before hand so we could sample the finished product. But that whole middle part -- from getting the dough together to the point where it was ready for a final bake -- couldn't be done in real-time in a 2 hour class. So, I think that's a project better suited for a weekend day until I have a better idea of how long it takes from start to finish.

 

I'm going off in search of something with some caffiene, now.

[shes2smart]

If That's A Gas Grill...

 

...why does the air reek of lighter fluid? They're planning a cookout for lunch at work today and that usually means my studio ends up reeking of charcoal lighter fluid for a good portion of the afternoon. I didn't think anything of it until a little while ago, when I realized that's a GAS grill sitting out on the back patio.

 

Huh. How does that happen? Y'know what...I don't want to know. I don't want to even try to figure out what's going on and why the lighter fluid stench fouls my studio for a few hours. I'm pretty sure the grill out there is a new one, so maybe we won't have that lighter fluid problem today. I think maybe there was combination of smaller gas & charcoal grills we were using before the new, gigantic, Grill-O-Master 8000 showed up out there.

 

Whatever. All I know is I had a 50/50 shot of the lighter fluid fumes triggering a headache.

 

So, I'm into week #3 of dietary changes and I'm feeling pretty good. I was having breakfast the other day and it ocurred to me that the changes I've made haven't been all that dramatic. I thought about my typical lunch and typical dinner and found the same thing to be true. The biggest thing we have changed is the number of meals eaten at restaurants and/or take-out food meals. We still go out once a week (Sunday lunch), and I don't see that changing.

 

It's all about making small changes that will be sustainable over time. Most people who make big dramatic changes all at once tend to backslide over time. It's too much to get used to and you end up missing some things and feeling deprived. Then the pendulum swings back to compensate and you're back where you were.

 

Like anything else, you can't do this coming from a place of fear.

 

When I was getting ready for work this morning, I started thinking about the outpatient program I went to for eating disorders back in the late 80's. It's not something I've thought about in a really, really long time.

 

The program was geared toward anorexic teenage girls. I was a compulsive eater in my mid-20's. To say I didn't get much out of it would be an understatement. They really weren't sure what to do with me, but they were happy to take money from me and my health insurance carrier at the time. This was in the very early days of compulsive eating being considered an ED. They still tended to see eating disorders in terms of black and white - starving behavior = anorexic, binge/purge behavior = bulemic and anything else didn't exist.

 

Anyway, one of the bizarre features of this program was "meal therapy." As an outpatient, I had breakfast & lunch at the hospital and went home for dinner. We'd gather in a large dining room around one table, get the approved amount of food put on our plates, then eat and have a group therapy session. Sometimes, the food ended up on the floor and walls as part of therapy and bizarre questions asked by the therapists like, "What do you want to say to that cheeseburger?" I often wondered what the food service workers and cleaning crew thought about when they came in to clear plates and clean up the messes the clients had made when they were screaming about their mothers and flinging jell-o at the wall.

 

I served my two weeks and declined further counseling. I really didn't belong there...and my gut feeling was their methods weren't really helping. It seemed to be mostly geared toward putting weight on the anorexic teens and keeping them upset in the name of "getting in touch with their feelings." A few years later, that treatment program folded.

 

Years later, my ex-college-bf (aka "the only ex I keep in touch with) became friends with the psychologist who ran that program for a while. My ex said he was a pretty cool guy to hang with. Somehow, they got to talking about that ED treatment program. The guy who used to run it told my ex-college-bf that it was a pretty screwy program. Once he realized how truly f'd up it was, he left for another job.

 

My ex-college-bf later related that conversation to me, along with reminding me how my gut feeling about that program was something wasn't quite right.

 

"I hear universal laughter ringing out amongst the stars." - Jimmy Buffett.

 

Although, from time to time I do wonder what ever became of my fellow "inmates" that were stuck there when I was. The in-patient "best buddies" -- two 16 year-olds from different backgrounds who were stuck there, the 14 year old in the wheelchair who never said anything and had a feeding tube in her nose, the 13 year old junior high cheerleader who would only eat Wheat Thins, and 2 other "oddball" patients like me -- a middle aged mom who'd been starving herself since her teens and another 20-something compulsive eater who'd gone to the same college I did and knew some of the same people (though not at the same time I knew them).

 

Did they ever find their peace? Are they still struggling with these issues or have they moved far beyond them? Has it been a continual theme in their lives? I was in a good position because I kinda knew that program was whacked (and I got that gut feeling confirmed years later by the guy who ran the program for a time), but I don't know that the rest of them knew enough to know that. Did being there screw them up more than they already were?

 

What a shame if it did.

[shes2smart]

/Played

 

A year ago this weekend, I started playing Warcrack.

 

48 days, 23 hours, 33 minutes, 18 seconds.

 

That doesn't count the 3 or so months I had the Cow toon, so figure in another week or two to the above total.

[shes2smart]

Sage Focaccia

 

Done and delicious.

 

About 3 hours altogether.

[shes2smart]

18 Bags

 

18 yard waste bags filled...and that was just the first pass on the back yard. There'll be a Round #2. We haven't even touched the front yard because the big tree out front hasn't dropped 'em yet. There's no point in it until it does. So, that's what I was doing yesterday morning. He ran the leaf blower (I don't like the noise/vibration in my hand) and I bagged the leaves.

 

In the afternoon we went to this movie about Joy Division lead singer Ian Curtis. (link removed and link removed) The band is more my generation musically and I'm not quite sure how my husband got into them. Anyway, I remember playing them some at college radio...never really got into them. Although I did like New Order, which was the band they evolved into after Ian Curtis killed himself. Yup. Just a nice, uplifting, black-and-white film for a Sunday afternoon. Even as a non-movie-fan in general and being neutral on the band, I did find it interesting.

 

The tiger cat (my husband's cat) has figured out the new "go to the gym in the morning before work rather than after work routine." She's taken it upon herself to wake me up before the alarm on the mornings where my workout clothing & shoes are set out in the computer room. Yup. She's not only "nurse cat" but is apparently "trainer cat," too.

 

Just one day. I want in their little kitty heads for just one day.....

[shes2smart]

Thanksgiving Menu

 

Roasted Cornish Hen with Traditional Bread Stuffing

Baked Sweet Potato

Broccoli

Salad

Cranberry Sauce

Sun Dried Tomato and Garlic Focaccia (which I'll be making tomorrow)

Pumpkin Flan (which I just got done baking and it smells delicious)

[shes2smart]

Snippets Of The Last Few Days

 

co-worker: So, are you guys going to decorate for the holidays?

me: No...we don't do that.

co-worker: Not even a Christmas tree?

me: Nah.

co-worker: You guys have just such a different way of doing stuff...it's cool. I've never met anyone who does things so differently.

 

******

 

I'm about halfway through the Patti LaBelle book. It's interesting. Can't say I'm familiar with a lot of her work, but knowing some the backstory now, I think I'd like to listen to some of her music.

 

******

 

I weighed myself at the gym this morning. It's a bad habit I've gotten into. The number is not a big deal to me. My mood and daily food decisions are not determined/altered by the number. It's more a curiosity than anything. To a great degree, I have no vested interest in what that number is today in relation to where it was the last time I weighed myself.

 

Today, I noted I am down to a weight I have not seen since before I met my husband. I also noted that my focus has been on other things...weight loss was incidental.

 

******

 

The sun-dried tomato and garlic focaccia I made yesterday makes a nice sandwhich, too. Next time, I'm toying with the idea of putting some mashed roasted garlic in the bread dough.

 

The pumpkin flan was amazing. Cool, creamy and pumpkin-y. Not too sweet and much lighter than pumpkin pie filling. There's still a good 3/4 of it left.

 

One cornish hen split between the two of us is the right amount. A hen apiece would've been too much.

 

******

 

We spent some time yesterday cleaning out our files. Threw away a lot of paperwork we no longer needed. There was so much to shred that the paper shredder overheated and shut down for a while. We now have several empty folders and what we kept fits in half the space we were using before we cleaned it out.

 

******

 

I'm one of two people at work today....and I'm only here for a couple of hours because I didn't feel like recording 3 shows on Wednesday.

 

I remember back at Dysfunction Junction when I did 3 shows a day whether I wanted to or not....and 5 shows on Fridays. I was on 3 different stations in 3 different markets. In two cities, I did 6 shows a week (mon-sat) and in the third location I was on mon-fri. I had to work a day -- or more -- ahead, and consequently, I was never really sure what day it was.

 

I don't miss that. In hindsight, what I was getting paid to do those 2 extra stations really wasn't worth it.

 

******

 

Speaking of Dysfunction Junction, the anniversary of the Great Crash of 2003 is fast approaching. To say I'm in a better place now would be an understatement.

 

******

 

In some ways, the things learned in therapy are kind of a time-delay thing.

 

I was thinking about that when I was leaving the gym this morning. Considering some of the things I spent time talking to the dietitian about last year. And how some of those things haven't really come together in terms of belief and action until the last few months.

 

To me, there's a distinction between knowing something and believing something.

 

Knowing is more of logical thing...more of a head thing. Believing is more internal...more of a heart & gut thing. It's my observation that when we know something, sometimes we act on it...but often times, we don't. In fact, we will sometimes act in a way that is the complete opposite of what we logically know we should do.

 

But when we believe...when the knowledge moves from our head into our heart and gut...then our actions have no choice but to follow that belief.

 

I cannot quite place my finger on it, and I cannot point to any one specific thing, but there have been a number of subtle things that have made the move from knowing to believing for me recently...and I am just starting to notice them.

[shes2smart]

Quandary Of The Day

 

Is 9:30 on Saturday morning too early to be running the leaf blower? Or do you suppose most of the neighborhood is already up and going about their business by now? Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Of course, part of me is wondering why I even care. We have neighbors who'll be out there mowing their lawn before 9am on Sunday morning in the summertime.

 

Just darn me for trying to be considerate. Considerate isn't getting the leaves off my front lawn, is it? Not that I'm really all that gung-ho to do this. I just checked the temperature, and it's not even 30 degrees out there.

 

Not sure what all-else I want to do today. Didn't really give it that much thought. I suppose I should at least consider some cleaning. We have company coming to visit next weekend. The kitchen counters and stove top could use a good scrub down. They've been getting a lot of use lately.

[shes2smart]

This Shouldn't Take Too Long....

 

I'm only taking up the leaves in the front yard...it's not that big...and we just got one of these leaf sucker/shredder vacuum things (link removed), so, really, how long could this take?

 

After 2 hours, I decided to break for lunch because I was cold and hungry. Went back out after lunch figuring another hour would get it done. Nearly 3 hours after lunch, I finally sucked up the last leaf. Ugh. That was my day Saturday. I was a wreck afterward, too. You don't get quite the range of motion with the leaf sucker that you do with raking. I also hadn't bothered putting my arch supports in my shoes because I didn't think it was going to take that long.

 

Much to my surprise, though, I wasn't really feeling it much when I got up yesterday. Had you asked me at about 4 Saturday afternoon, I would've predicted being physically sore the next day, but I felt fine yesterday and today. I bounced back pretty damn well considering how I was feeling Saturday afternoon. It was another "Joys of Home Ownership" moment.

 

So, when my husband got home from work Saturday, he asks, "What happened to all the leaves in the front yard?" Little elves came and took them. Seriously. What do you think happened to the leaves in the front yard? Yeesh.

[shes2smart]

Everything's Alright With The Family......

 

I will now be expressing a non-PC sentiment in a non-PC way. If you can't handle non-PC, don't go any further. You will only irritate yourself. You've been warned.

 

link removed

 

That poor little girl woulda been better off adopted or aborted than what ended up happening to her.

 

 

 

I can't help but wonder what other people are hiding behind that public face they put on. What sort of twisted dysfunction goes on in all these houses I drive by every day? There's no way they can all be happy, healthy homes. If they were, no one would ever find 2 year old little girls stuffed in plastic containers washed up on shore.

 

I look up and down my street and I wonder what's going on in the other houses. Perhaps the BDSM dungeon in my basement would scandalize my neighbors. But, we fly a leather pride flag on a flag pole attached to the garage...what we are isn't exactly hidden. What goes on in my basement is consentual and generally enjoyable to the participants involved. There are no human body parts in my fridge.

 

accross the street, there's a house in my neighborhood where a baby mama lives with her family members. The baby daddy comes to pick up the child occasionally. Sometimes, there's some drama that spills out into the front yard and street when he shows up. The baby mama always tries to pull him into the house when he starts getting loud and belligerent so as not to have the entire neighborhood hear what's going on. But I've heard enough to know something is going on. So what dysfunction is lurking behind their door? Is it the sort of thing that ends up with an incidents that grabs national headlines? Or is it just that someone was having a bad day?

 

Sometimes, when I see these snippets of other people's lives, I just think, "That's kinda weird...what else is going on there?"

[shes2smart]

Everything's Alright With The Family.....(take 2)

 

link removed

 

As if to further illustrate my point.....

[shes2smart]

Un-*******-belivable......

 

You have a 2 year old who dies a horrible death, apparently at your hands and you're pregnant again?

 

link removed

 

Wow....just....wow.

[shes2smart]

There's A What?

 

So, we got our benefit information at work yesterday. I'm reading through it, salivating at the description of the health insurance coverage like some kinda freak...and then I see the "Spousal Surcharge."

 

Seems if you want to include your spouse on my employer's plan, and your spouse is eligible for coverage through their employer, there's an additional charge to put your spouse on my employer's plan. To us, it would be a significant amount...basically adding an additional 50% to the premium to cover both of us. Now, if your spouse does not have access to other coverage -- if they work part-time or not at all, for instance -- there is no spousal surcharge. But if they can get insurance through their own employer (even if it is crappy insurance) my company would prefer they did that instead of coming onto this plan.

 

This has made trying to figure out health coverage somewhat complex. Moreso than it really needs to be or should be, IMO. So, now it becomes necessary to get information on what my husband's employer will be offering to figure out how we should set this up. He kinda glazes over when it comes to this stuff. He's never really had to deal with it and I suspect he wouldn't much care for dealing with it anyway. I'm hoping he remembers to ask when he's at work...because my employer would like to have our paperwork done and turned in by Monday.

 

Ugh. Here's a great example of something that's simpler when you're single. You just check off the box that says, "Yup. Gimme the health insurance. It's just me, and I want the health insurance, so here ya go," and you're done. Simple. Easy. No muss, no fuss, no missed deadlines.

 

Well, at any rate, I am going back on my employer's plan. After everything that happened this year with health insurance, I'm just not terribly comfortable relying on someone else to take care of that. I'm in a a position where I don't have to rely on someone to take care of that since I am employed full-time, and my employer offers decent, affordable coverage to full-time employees.

 

It has been a month since I had a gallbladder attack. My goal has been to avoid triggering another attack, and that is what I have been focused on when it comes to eating. But something else has happened while I've been focused on that. I have lost about 10 pounds and gotten back to a weight I haven't seen since before I met my husband. It is a weight that was "my normal weight" for many years during my adult life. And while it is a weight that most people would look at and say "that's too much," it's a weight that I feel pretty good at -- physically, mentally, emotionally...and it's a weight that I know is sustainable, if I am left to my own devices and not overly influenced by other people's eating habits.

 

Every relationship I've been in has resulted in some weight gain because I get lured away from my own dietary habits and practices.

 

I was thinking about it this morning when I was packing my lunch and looking in the fridge. The refrigerator is currently over-run with leftovers. Not a whole lot of any one thing, really: one serving of pasta sauce, a few spoonfuls of Chicken Divan, enough leftover roast for one sandwhich...stuff like that.

 

I've often said that if you looked at all the guys I've had relationships with, they'd have very little in common with each other. There would be no physical similarities (I don't have a "type" I go for), there wouldn't be much in the way of personality simliarities. In general, I tended to prefer the more artsy, writer-or-musician types than sport/jock types. But beyond that, similarities between exes are few and far between.

 

Except for this one: None of the men I have had a relationship with would have much of anything to do with leftovers...and that annoys me. It always has. I mean, I can have the same thing for dinner 4 nights in a row and it doesn't bother me. Back when I was having to play the "$20 for 2 weeks of groceries" game, I used to buy a can of refried beans, an onion, a little cheese, some taco sauce and a package of tortillas and bean burritos were dinner for the week for about $3-4.

 

Long ago I figured out I wasn't going to change them, so, as much as possible, I attempt to cook only what will be consumed in one meal so there aren't any leftovers. There are some dishes that you can't really do this with. To make them properly, they need to be made in quantity. My homemade spaghetti sauce comes to mind. Then there are some meals where I've made enough for one meal, and he decides he's not hungry or he doesn't want that and would rather have a frozen pizza or something.

 

This is how I still wind up with leftovers, despite my best efforts. I don't have a problem eating them. Heck, I bring my lunch to work everyday and I just bring the leftovers instead of yogurt or a sandwhich. But this is one of those weeks where there's more leftovers than I can keep up with. So I told him I would not be cooking tonight. There's plenty already cooked in the fridge that's perfectly fine for dinner...it just needs to be heated up.

 

But I have never been able to understand the aversion to leftovers. And why have I only gotten into relationships with men who have the aversion to leftovoers.

[shes2smart]

Everything's Alright With The Family....(take 3)

 

AKA "The part where you find a way to laugh about it."

 

 

 

This song showed up on Tom Lehrer's debut album, which was out in 1953. This kinda crap's been going on for longer than I've been around. Main difference is we hear about it more now because of things like 24-hour/7 day a week news outlets.

 

At any rate, I happened to be listening to one of my Tom Lehrer CD's yesterday and this song popped up.

[shes2smart]

Monday, Monday

 

A friend of ours visited over the weekend. She recently discovered the guy she'd been seeing most of this year is a closeted alcoholic. That discovery prompted her to end the relationship. Through her time visiting, she shared more bits and pieces of the relationship. She also mentioned she's going to therapy to try and figure out why/how she keeps making less-than-stellar choices in this area of her life.

 

Much as I want to tell her that it's a slam-dunk guarantee, I don't think I can do that with a clean conscience. It certainly helps. It certainly gives you some great tools. But I also believe there's an element of something that is part sheer dumb luck and part "coincidence." That part cannot be forced or pushed or created by therapy or hurried along to meet our timetable. It arrives when it is ready and no sooner or later.

 

Anyway, between hearing more of her story and hearing about some other convoluted situations between other people, I'm still fixated on that whole "...and what are YOU hiding?" line of thought. It's been a bit of a theme the past few weeks, as I look back at my blog entries here.

 

Why do people do these things? Does it ever occur to them that if they really feel they need to hide something that maybe, possibly there's something there that they need to work on? "Oh, no, I'll just hide my alcohol consumption and justify the consumption I do in front of others..." Did it ever occur to him that if he thought he had to hide it that maybe there WAS something wrong there? How about that family history of addiction issues? Wouldn't that kinda tip you off that you're at risk for that, too?

 

Then there's the aspect of pretending you're something you're not because you're trying to impress a potential SO. Like they're not going to figure out/discover it later. What did he think she was gonna say? "Oh, it's ok you're a drunk and won't go to rehab. I deserve to be treated like crap because you're a jerk when you're drunk and you won't deal with your problems." Or did he think she was stupid and wouldn't figure it out. Or maybe he just didn't think at all.

 

People are out there lying about themselves just to impress others or convince others to be in some kind of relationship with them. But the truth comes out eventually and people get hurt when they find out they've been lied to.

 

Why lie in the first place? Why hide in the first place? If you really feel the need to lie and hide, the place to start is not figuring out ways to convince some other person to become involved with you. The place to start is figuring out why you're wanting to lie and hide and then address or accept those issues. Ah, but that assumes someone WANTS a healthy, happy relationship and not a distraction or lots of drama.

 

Sometimes I forget that some people looking for a relationship are looking for things other than a healthy, happy, lasting relationship. There are people out there who are looking for a million other things when they're looking for a relationship.

 

The problem is they're out there mixing and mingling with those who are sincerely seeking a healthy, happy, lasting relationship...and, intentionally or unintentionally, misleading them for their own purposes.

 

Bottom line of the things I saw and heard over the weekend: I am glad I'm not single and not in an unhappy relationship. I am thankful I am who I am, my husband is who he is and that we are in the relationship we are in.

[shes2smart]

Everything's Alright With The Family....(take 4)

 

The super-special Holiday Edition!

 

link removed

[shes2smart]

Recipe Chat

 

So, this is one of those recipe mash-ups that I do. Where I get it in my head to fix something and go off in search of a recipe online. Then I generally find several that are slightly different and combine the elements of each one that I think is going to give me what I'm after. I did this with my personal "Ideal Rib Rub," and now this pasta sauce I made last night:

 

1 c. cream

1 whole bulb roasted garlic

2 cloves minced garlic

1/2 c. white wine

2 tsp. butter, divided into 1 tsp. amounts

1 grilled chicken breast, sliced

1/2 c. sundried tomatoes, sliced

8 oz. sliced fresh mushrooms

olive oil

salt & pepper to taste

grated Parmesan cheese

chopped flat leaf parsley (for garnish)

1 lb. cavatappi pasta (sprial shaped tubes), cooked al dente

 

Slice top off whole garlic bulb, exposing cloves and place garlic bulb on a piece of foil. Drizzle with a little olive oil, salt & pepper. Wrap foil around garlic bulb and bake in 350 degree oven for 30-45 minutes, until cloves are soft.

 

Allow garlic bulb to cool, then remove roasted cloves from garlic paper. Mash cloves in a bowl with a fork and place mashed cloves in blender or food processor. Pour in cream and blend mashed roasted garlic cloves and cream.

 

In a saute pan, melt 1 tsp. butter and saute mushrooms. Add sliced sundried tomatoes after a few minutes. Salt & pepper to taste and set pan aside.

 

In a deep saute pan, melt 1 tsp butter and minced garlic. Saute until garlic is soft, but not browned or burnt. Add wine to pan and allow to reduce for a minute or two. Add roasted garlic and cream mixture to pan and bring to boil. Allow mixture to reduce by 1/3 to 1/2. Mix in sauteed mushrooms & sun-dried tomatoes & sliced chicken and allow to heat through. Add cooked pasta to pan and toss to coat.

 

Sprinkle grated parmesan and chopped parsley over top to serve.

 

You're probably lookin' at 4-5 servings here. A little of this goes a long way, but it's damn tasty....well....if you like garlic. If you don't care for garlic, I'd avoid this at all costs.

 

Leftovers tonight.

[shes2smart]

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.......?

 

Or, possibly, "Everything's Alright With The Family.....(take 5)"

 

link removed

 

Seems like every holiday season, some stuff like this happens. I remember one year around Christmas, there was a news story about some guy who got rip-roarin' drunk, positioned his chair in front of the front door to the house and shot the various family members who came by to celebrate Christmas as they walked in. That woulda been...oh, 20 or so years ago now. I remember sitting in the living room of the apartment I was living in from 1986 to 1988 seeing that on CNN.

 

This time of year has always been fascinating to me because of the dichotomy of it. It brings out both the best and worst in people...all at the same time...and sometimes even within the same person.

 

I used to work for a radio station that did an all-Christmas music format this time of year, and I could not believe some of the hateful, nasty, and downright mean emails, letters, and phone calls I got about it. Seriously, it was crazy. You woulda thought we'd taken these people's dogs and kids out and tortured them to death while making them watch when all we were doing was playing wall-to-wall Christmas tunes. I mean, jeez, you don't like it? Change the station. Don't listen to us. Problem solved. How does calling and threating bodily harm to the DJ (who's just playing what the company tells them to play) help the situation? It doesn't.

 

At the same time, I was also witness to some stellar examples of the goodness in people. One year, the station I was at was doing some toy drive for local charities. One listener who wanted to remain anonymous literally took days off the toy drive by making one monster donation that took care of what remained for us to reach goal.

 

That was followed up by someone calling and saying, "Good. Now you guys can stop talking about those *#&$ kids and play some music." Lovely. Really.

 

Most wonderful time of the year? Most psychotic time of the year is more like it.

 

Then, of course, we have just passed the 4 year anniversary of the Great Crash of 2003. The actual date was a couple days ago. I didn't think about it until the day after, so I guess that's good. I only remembered it because I got an email from someone who still works at Dysfunction Junction. Like, "Oh, yeah....I was in a little sobbing, puking puddle on my bathroom floor over that place right around now 4 years ago, come to think of it."

 

I guess that's better than looking back and actually feeling it all again, or looking back and getting angry or feeling the need to gloat about where one is now. Being able to just say, "oh, yeah...I guess that did happen right around now, huh?" feels like it's been let go. It happened, but it has no bearing on my current life anymore.

 

That's a good place to be.