Emotions going funny in imaginary relationship.

[Luke Skywalker]

This is the same subject girls on these following threads, if you would like to read them first for some background:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(post made near the end of that thread).

 

The friendship is real. Any relationship, however, has to be imaginary as it's understood it's a friendship with romantic potential.

 

Now here's the thing. She's praying about everyone that's in her life, including me. Now, when I'm going on the internet, I dont feel comfortable going back into internet dating to meet any more people, or going out of the home to try to meet other people in a mall or anything. She's on my mind all the time, and now, I'm feeling like I could be turning her off a relationship if I continue with certain types of activity, such as going to malls and randomly saying hi to every woman, or any crazy stunts like that.

 

But she's not around, I last saw her at the beginning of this month, how can she possibly know what I am doing, or the motivation of what I'm doing. I feel like God may be telling her all about some stuff I may be doing, or I dont know. There is not even any relatoinship on this, yet, it's feeling like one from this end - but she still cant see what I'm doing.

 

Do you think God will tell on me to her if I do some thing weird, or she will get some vibes if I start going off on some weird tangent, like go on the internet for kicks looking for a casual hookup, or saying 'hi' to everyone, as inspired by sosuave board. This is now starting to get to me, and feel I may have to be restricting my movement with any program until I get to the bottom of her. I dont want to lose her romantically if she has a potential interest.

 

Well, just my thoughts. Anyone have an experience they can relate, or am I just like crazy or something? I may think of shutting down everything except existing friendships until I get to the bottom of her. Is this a good idea?

[Luke Skywalker]

It seems that there may have been some 'internalised connection' with her personality or something. The threshold this is occurring seems to be relating to pre-set standards. For a person of substance who claims not to be shallow, and seems to admire some qualities in me, that aren't shallow, are qualities that I admire within myself. So, if I were to start all of a sudden, becoming shallow in thought processes, and going after shallow women or anyone, as a result of some ideas from a potential rogue board than that's a breach of standard that could trigger these types of feelings or thoughts.

 

There are certain expectations of standards on both of us I suppose, and what she is attracted to is something that I feel is important within myself and dont want to lose that based on any ideology that may be on a potential rogue board with funny ideas. This could be the explanation of conflict. Losing this important element of myself, would become 'symbolic' on the mind to her or something, I'm not sure. I cant figure out myself that well I suppose, so I'm like writing this psycho-analytical thread with the hope someone's a psychology major or something - I was some time ago, but it was a long time ago.

[DGfan]

Dude it sounds like you are everywhere with your thoughts. But let me just say this. Do you like who you are? Are you comfortable in your own skin? If so then that's all that matters. If not try and become the person you want to be. But not for someone else. If you try and be who you think she wants you to be things probably won't work out unless that's who you are to begin with.(Sorry if that's a little unclear, I had to read it twice myself to make sure it made sense)

I myself am a buddhist and one of the things I like about it is that you practice detachment from material things, people, and ideas. If you see this girl infrequently just enjoy her company when you're together. Not every relationship between a male and female has to lead to an intimate one. It just so happens that either the male or the female or both usually want it to.

[nottoogreen]

Hi Luke,

 

IIRC you are about 30 and still a virgin and theoreticise a lot about relationships.

 

I am concerned about you as IMHO you "programmed" yourself to be an eternal virgin.

 

You want to get into a real relationship with real feelings not over-thinking!

[Luke Skywalker]

Dude it sounds like you are everywhere with your thoughts. But let me just say this. Do you like who you are? Are you comfortable in your own skin? If so then that's all that matters. If not try and become the person you want to be. But not for someone else. If you try and be who you think she wants you to be things probably won't work out unless that's who you are to begin with.(Sorry if that's a little unclear, I had to read it twice myself to make sure it made sense)

 

Sure. The trigger of this seems only a compromise of already existing standards. Going on a mall to randomly say 'hi' to everyone doesn't sound like 'me' anyway. I'm not into the casual sex, casual relationships mold, and the idea is by continuing to search seriously for a woman, I'm may not be that interested in her, but I dont want those vibes going accross to her.

 

I myself am a buddhist and one of the things I like about it is that you practice detachment from material things, people, and ideas. If you see this girl infrequently just enjoy her company when you're together. Not every relationship between a male and female has to lead to an intimate one. It just so happens that either the male or the female or both usually want it to.

 

Well, it's sort of a weird thing, I dont mind seeing her infrequently, and then enjoying the moment or enjoying her 'spirit' within a private sphere. So, I may go on my bed, hug a pillow, and stay for an extended period of time in some trance-like state and feel a positive emotional high premised on the times that I have seen her.

 

I also like praying for her sometimes, and letting her know I'm praying for her, and also feel a bit close in that type of venue. I'm a Christian.

 

The thing is, this is now an state of an 'imaginary relationship', because there is no tangible evidence of any relationship, yet the mind seems to be processing as though there is one, or that there is a potential for one down the road. In this state her 'spirit' gets stronger if I'm interacting with other women to flirt/pick-them up, as though she's saying -- she's interested and just wait - when I continue doing so, then it's like she's picking up I'm not interested in her any longer. I dont know, cant put my finger on it.

 

Best thing is for me to keep my standards up, and just take care of myself. I dont like being around people anyway, so I actually enjoy her better being away from her than with her because I'm my true self away from anyone.

[Luke Skywalker]

Hi Luke,

 

IIRC you are about 30 and still a virgin and theoreticise a lot about relationships.

 

I am concerned about you as IMHO you "programmed" yourself to be an eternal virgin.

 

You want to get into a real relationship with real feelings not over-thinking!

 

Don't worry, this is on a leech. Nevertheless, she does have a point that it's generally difficult to meet the right types of people, as many people are just insincere.

 

I mean there are two schools of thought. A Pick-UP Artist will think most women are shallow cheating people that can be manipulated and banged, and relationships are just a farce because cheating and break-ups are inevitable. I've read enough stories about wives, girlfriends, and fiances cheating on strangers they just meet to know that a relationship means jack crap. An Average Frustrated Chump will put women on a pedistal and what they perceive as investing, a woman will just be using and taking advantage of. This is 'sosuave' think.

 

The other school of thought are there are right types of people out there for everyone, and real genuine types of people, you just have to find the right person.

 

Getting a relationship doesn't mean anything but cheating and break-ups as far as what I've seen on this board. Maybe at best it's a temporary type of good feeling, but it will pass and disappear. In a sense it's better not to be in a relationship as it precludes the idea of cheating and breaking-up and all the drama and nonsense that comes from relationships.

 

I'm not in a hurry to lose my V-card and am not necessarily in line with pop culture, I consider myself to be spiritual, but I understand this reply is a pop culture type of reply. I also understand that there the emotional state after losing virginity to the wrong person easily turn to rage.

 

This thread is anethema to pop culture, and it took a Buddist to agree with the concepts on this whole thing, the funny thing is I ain't a Buddist and dont understand how my imaginary relationship is now even sounding religious. This may even be a new defination of relatoinship called 'a spiritual romantic relationship' for all I know.

[Luke Skywalker]

I'm trying to isolate the circumstances that triggered the feelings that inspired this thread last night.

 

- I was on the internet, and playing with internet dating, and I told her I wasn't going to be doing that until October.

 

- She said she's going through some personal problems and as a result could not see me for a day, or is the cause of infrequently seeing me.

 

- Other activities there was some 'friction' about it - like I felt her spirit or something with me -- when I was attempting to sarge or follow some bootcamp concept.

 

*********

 

This should be easy. I simply have to keep to the idea of withdrawing from online dating until October, like I told her, but as far as resolving social anxiety issues, such as going out to meet people, or having some sort of agenda that deals with 'issues' - then I think that sould resolve any other conflicts.

 

As the OP said, she may not necessarily be the right person, and indeed, there is no guarantees that she will reciprocate romantic feelings at the end of the day. She is also a virgin.

[nottoogreen]

I am in Asia for more than 23 years. I am in my 2nd 9+ years LTR with a Buddhist woman, the first one lasted 9+ years too and failed due to physical and mental health reasons of the ex. There is a thread by me on that story.

 

I do mean you no disrespect but I feel that you are overly theoretical and analyze a relationship like I would analyze a computer program for a failsafe system with triple functional redundancies and automatic fallover. What a headache.

 

Relationships are firstly about feelings and secondly about practicalities. Theory may show up in the philosphy of life and on how to do things better.

I have never seen you post about enjoyment and happiness. I am afraid for you as I have a good idea about the adaptibility of our minds.

 

Not sure if this board may have made you paranoid and if you feel so what were you doing 6 months ago?

 

I am here for less than 3 months and this board contributed at least the icing on the cake to make me feel complete, contend and optimistic as we here do help to make things better every day.

 

I wish you happiness and that you soon jump into a relationship without fear and thought and see what you feel.

 

Should you need thereafter a shoulder or two to cry on, we always will be here for you.

[Luke Skywalker]

I have never seen you post about enjoyment and happiness. I am afraid for you as I have a good idea about the adaptibility of our minds.

 

What are you talking about, it seems you have not read this whole thread, read the reply I made to the other poster. I felt emotional bliss away from this girl, thinking about her.

 

Not sure if this board may have made you paranoid and if you feel so what were you doing 6 months ago?

 

This board has not made me paranoid. I merely said there are two modes of thought about relationships and never said I sided with one or the other, but likely the second school of thought mentioned.

 

I wish you happiness and that you soon jump into a relationship without fear and thought and see what you feel.

 

In answer to your query I was a member of the incel 'involuntary celibacy' board before I got booted out of there six months ago, and then I came here. The 'involuntary celibacy' board is dedicated to people who have never been in a relatoinship or had sex before past a certain age category.

 

You cant jump into a relationship unless there is another willing party - part of the negative node of thinking is that nobody likes me, and thereforeeee I cant have a relalationship with anyone. If nobody has liked me in the past 30 years, why would anyone like me now - after all I wanted a relationship, right? This subject girl here, I'm not sure where she stands, but it seems like she is confused herself, and like I said, if I can get a good romantic kiss out of her on a sunset over water, I'll be settled for this year.

[Luke Skywalker]

Of course, you all realise, this is an 'emotions' section, so whatever I'm rationalizing here may not be scientifically acurate and odd conclusions may be made - because reasoning is done by emotions, not logic.

 

For example, the assertion that nobody likes me and saying that nobody ever wanted a relationsihp with me, is emotional or who I may feel about something, so there is no need for a reply or reponse on that part.

 

I could 'feel' that nobody in this planet wants me, for example, and that would be a valid emotion for purposes of this section, I dont have to ask everyone on this planet out, and get rejected by anyone in this planet to validate that emotion.

 

Similarly, I dont have to actually *be* in a relatoinship to FEEL like I'm in a relationship, hence you dont need to validate an imaginary relationship by having a real relationship. Although some reinforcements may be necessary, like occasionally meeting up with the girl and having a pleasant meeting each time, just reinforcements enough to show the subject of the imaginary relationship is indeed real.

 

Do I feel blissful with this imaginary relationship. Of course I do. I feel happy energies when I'm on my bed and in trance-like meditation of the last meetings sometimes, and I dont want to snap out of it, because I just love being by myself, in my bed, with nice pillows, with nice air from outside, and just enjoy myself by myself in my bed thinking fond thoughts of subject of imaginary relatiionship. Where things go funny if I feel I may be acting in a way that I'm not interested in subject girl, while indeed I am interested, or if I feel I'm cheating on subject girl by searching for another girl or something.

[Luke Skywalker]

Emotions in imaginary relationships seem to go up and down like a sea-saw. At some points you feel close, other points neglected, other points like you culd be losing attraction. You get a whole hodgepodge of various emotions.

 

I thought she was breaking up with me last night, and this morning, I felt everything was alright again, given there was no email or evidence of the fact of any imaginary break-up.

 

I call this emotional effect: The Aurora Borealis. (Northern Lights)

 

In the future, emotional rollercoaster in imaginary relationships shall be called "The Aurora Borealis". There, defined a new emotion.

[nottoogreen]

I was and am not critical of you posting and I do not have to be right either.

 

I just wish you the real thing, the real feeling, smell and taste.

[Luke Skywalker]

I was and am not critical of you posting and I do not have to be right either.

 

I suppose this topic has a potential of satire about relationships in general, but I'm quite sincere or wouldn't waste my time writing this.

 

I just wish you the real thing, the real feeling, smell and taste.

 

Wishing is cool. That's an emotion too.

 

Emotions that I am experiencing are real. No emotion is imaginary. The premise of which emotions are experienced can be either real or imaginary.

 

For example, think of the best movie you saw, what emotions you experienced, was the movie real, of course not - were the emotions real, of course they were - that's why it's your best movie, that's why the ticket sales are hitting the roof.

 

Have you seen the Matrix movie? Solipsism philosophy? What brain perceives of the world is simply an input of sensory information, apart from that, what you are experiencing is simply a conglomerate of neurons, electrons, nerves, and all sort working together.

 

So, to say you need to have real experience to have real emotions is simply not true, and can be debated. All you need is a 'premise' in order to have an emotion, or something that can assign 'meaning' to something, and bingo, you have emotion.

 

The Aurora Boralis emotion is a valid emotion although it may be based on an imaginary premise.

[nottoogreen]

I am highly emotional and more so since joining eNotAlone. I wish to help people to live with real happy emotions. I am a trekie after all - eternal optimism you know.

 

Yeah, not watched the matrix, I can enjoy movies and do not watch enough movies, twice a month or so. I have no TV since '95. Perhaps 3 hrs/year without intent. No time. However, I listen a lot to movie soundtracks which really relate emotions to me.

 

You seem perfectly suited to the virtual world which engineers like myself helped to build. We are by far not smart enough.

 

Anyway, and however, as I am old fashioned, I will join my gf, albeit late - thanks to eNotAlone, to do the deed.

 

I wish you happiness and I am grateful to learn from you.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, ok, here's what happened.

 

My imaginary girlfriend cheated on me when I went to Italy and we just had an imaginary fight of nasty email exchanges, and we just imaginarily broke-up, and those imaginary thoughts were just gut feelings that my imaginary relationship was coming to an end.

 

It turns out, that when I loved my imaginary girlfriend, she was secretly dating her imaginary lover and I found out about it the hard way, so the imaginary relationship is now over.

 

The emotions were real, the relationship was imaginary. Could you imagine if it was a real relationship? I'm glad I dont have a relationship with this girl because I cant even handle an imaginary one - imagine if it were real?

 

You see - I knew it would happen - the thoughts I felt in August when I started this thread has come true and now. I went to Italy and my imaginary girlfriend imaginarily cheated on me when I went on vacation - that sucks, even if it's imaginary.