Dwelling on petiful and already infested relationship

[Shady_Forever]

Hello all. Thank you for reading my post. Hopefully somebody can give some good insight on what I can do to get over this or help out on how to make things a little right. But I have had this girlfriend for the past 3 years. This relationship consist of jealousy, demands, lies, rumors, lies and more lies. She had a husband that died in 2003 of a drug over dose. She lives with his parents and its VERY hard on me because if I even come around the TOWN I get jumped or my life gets put in jeapordy. About 6 weeks ago she got hooked on crack cocaine and I had to call it quits. I went a good while without hearing from her. During the past 6 weeks I have talked with her maybe 15 times total. It has just been heart quinching when she calls. Its like please just leave me alone I dont want to help you I dont want anything to do with you please go AWAY... Is that selfish? I am living with my parents once again and I cant even have a phone call from my work let alone from her. So its like if I even DO have anything to say. I cant. But the past 3 days she has been calling and I am guessing she has finally came down from the high she lingers for. She keeps asking me back and I am just so comfused and hurt now because I have my parents fighting with eachother, and with me, and with her and I am in a strut between my own feelings and hers. I love this girl tremendously I mean its 3 to 4 years of my life that just all of a sudden went for a loop. I am not compatible well with change. So when I do talk with her my mind drifts off into different spectrums. Its like yeah I want you to stay where you are and clear your head so you can help yourself. I will take you back if you do that, or no girl I dont want you it can never happen. Because shes cheated on me well over 50 times for drugs, on ex boyfriends. I mean is this CRAP really worth getting back into and taking a chance it happening all over again? I dont think it is. But I would hate to mess up fate that god has planned. There has to be a reason why this girl is in my life. I dont think god is going to send someone into my life that is just going to completely destroy my well being and pride. So I really dont know what to do. I am going to write her a letter. I want to be calm and caring about it but I dont want to give off the impression that I am still weak and still going to let her do as she wants such as cheating, lieing, drugs, bleh bleh bleh etc etc... I just want to give the impression that if she really is honestly in love with me and still wants to make things work. Then she is going to drop all these little pitty lies and drug friendships she has. What can I do?

 

Sincerely me ](*,)

[Fisch]

Oh Shady Forever I am truly sorry, that sounds like a tough one. You have every right to want out of the relationship, to want something healthier. The drugs she did/does were/are her decision, and she is responsible for all the crap that it has caused up till now. You can be sympathetic to the stress in her life and her past scars, but she is still who she is and responsible for her actions. If she wants to stop using drugs, cheating on you, and lying she needs proffessional help. As I am sure you know, Crack cocaine is one of the most addictive drugs in the world, and this it is not JUST a matter of changing your mind, but changing your body. Because even if she wants to do all of those things with all her heart, addiction is its own personality. If you want to go back to her and help her, dont do it out of guilt, do it out of the positive feelings you have for her and for yourself. She made these decisions and you have the right to be with someone that makes you happy. At the least you should tell her that drugs and the deception and cheating they bring about are the main problem in the relationship, and that if she is unhappy with the way her life is then you could help her find help. Good luck

[RayKay]

I would say given her drug addictions, her EXTREME cheating behaviour and complete lack of respect for you (and fact she only wants you back for her own selfish reasons) it is NOT WORTH IT.

 

She cannot be a suitable, stable, loving, healthy partner. thereforeeee, you will not have a stable, loving, healthy relationship.

 

Fate certainly never planned for you to be miserable.

 

If you believe in God, why can't you believe he sent her into your life as a test to see how strong you were in standing up for yourself, and realizing you don't deserve this kind of crap?

 

The truth is, she is not in love with you. She is in love with drugs, addiction. She trades her body for drugs honey, at the expense of you. That means she is also exposing YOU to so many diseases. Drug addicts are at even higher risk of HIV, etc.

 

I suggest you drop this toxic woman out of your life, get tested regularly and learn that you deserve so much better.

 

Only SHE can fix herself, and you at this point cannot be there to take her back. The only way there is a chance for you two is AFTER she goes through rehab/therapy and has recovered for a long period of time. She is an adult, and made these choices...it's NOT your job to rescue her. In fact, you can't.

[Shady_Forever]

Thankyou for both of your responses they both make alot of sense. It kind of makes a little more sense because both your threads are different. One says work it out, other says the heck with her. Thats the ezact way I feel. I will definitly spend today thinking about all of this, and I will thread a new topic. Thank you for responding

[Momene]

I'd say if a relationship needs fixing and has a lot of problems even before you've lived together, then it's time to consider moving on. Is it worth the hassle? Is even being alone so bad as being in a bad relationship.

[virgo827]

I know your situation all too well. It is definitely not worth your pain and suffering. As previously stated in another reply crack cocaine is a terrible drug and it is one of the hardest to quit. it is not only an addiction but a disease. It changes the way a person thinks, carries themselves, and the way a person treats others. DO NOT GO BACK. It will hurt you more than you know. If you really love her you will let her go. Its going to be hard. But its what has to be done for your own well-being. Take care of yourself

[Fisch]

Sorry, I didnt really mean to be on the side of going back to her at all. I simply meant was trying to give you advice for both ways. In my personal opinion she is not ready for any kind of serious relationship, and needs some serious help before she can have a healthy one.