Another Date With My Husband ???

[futychick]

Hi everyone..

 

Well brief recap...my husband left me suddenly 4 mths ago....mid life crisis / depression/ unable to cope with responsibilites etc./ obsessive thoughts about death....etc.../ wants to live alone...

Slowly he starting to see close family more...including me...have seen him 3 times...once for coffee..then a walk with the dog....meal out 3 weeks ago..and now we are going for another meal this Sat ...

He finally starts his counselling tomorrow..Thurs...!!!!!!!! AT LAST...

We have not talked about reconcilaition..all he says is he wants to go thro counseeling as he doesnt know what he wants with his life...but he says it could go one way or another....

ME.....am a mess really..love him to bits and am heartbroken but am willing to be patient to see if after therapy we can resolve this and reconcile..

I am lookin forward to Sat but I know from last time I was devastated when we left as we went to separate homes....I cried all the way home...

I miss him SOOOO much..but I guess i still feel there is hope....as he tells me he wont close the door on our marriage while his head is such a mess...

SOOOO...Have been out for anotehr new dress....new haircut.....will look gorgeous..etc....as last time we went out I did notice how he looked me up and down and hugged me so tight....

 

I guess im just asking you guys for support again..this is so hard to go thro alone...I almost wish I cud take you all with me and hide you in my car for moral support ....LOL.....

 

WISH ME LUCK....or whatever I need to get me thro this...!!!!

 

love you all

futychick....xxx

[BellaDonna]

Slowly he starting to see close family more...including me...have seen him 3 times...once for coffee..then a walk with the dog....meal out 3 weeks ago..and now we are going for another meal this Sat ..

 

That's great. It seems like he is taking steps forward.

When you see him, just be sure to remember the 3 golden words:

 

Don't Pressure Him

Just have a good time. If I were you I would not mention anything about reconciliation unless he mentions it. As much as you're going to want to grab him, tell him you want him back, and ask him to give you a time when he's going back- you have to bite your tongue. Don't expect anything from him besides his company on Saturday.

 

Tell him that you care about him and that you hope he will feel better, but do not talk about reconcilation. Avoid crying, because it will put him into a a state of stress again. It will be too much pressure.

 

Try to let him do a lot of the talking.

 

I hope it all works out for you! This is a delicate situation, so just try to be supportive of him without applying any kind of pressure.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Cadence308]

I hope that your date with your husband goes well. We will all be in the back seat of your car. lol

 

I think letting him do most of the talking sounds good. And not pressuring him.

[onayrb]

Hi Futy,

Another date, excellent. Listen to Belladonna. No pressure, no heavy talk, remember what happened last time. It's good advice to do the listening more than the talking in this case. If his talk is negative, return with a positive. It could be a game of negative/positive tennis! Hopefully he'll be positive though (as positive as YOU are going to be). If it does not go well and if you do not hold yourself together, I will be most annoyed!!

Good luck, look wonderful have a fun time. All my best wishes.

[futychick]

thank you all for your replies and good wishes...

 

you are right bella....NO PRESSURE !!!!!!!

 

And yes Ona....I gonna hold it all together this time....going to listen and small talk.....NO CRYING...that was my mistake last time ....

I got THE dress....having hair done.....gonna look gorgeous...

as I write this he will be in his 1st counsellling session.....I hope it going well for him and i hope that he feels ok about going back for more sessions...

as much as I want him back NOW....my 1st thought is that he finds some comfort for himself with this therapy....at the moment our marriage is on the backburner while he sorts thro the other issues....

I dont think he cud have a realtionship with anyone with the state of mind he has right now...

and yes i hope that he works thro things and wants to start again with me....

 

I shall think of you all on Sat nite hiding in the back of my car..altho I only have a Nissan Micra..so it may be a tight squeeze for you all ...LOL...

 

seriously tho....you all give me the strenght to carry on....cos as you all know this is heartbreaking stuff.....and i couldnt do it alone...

 

love you all...

 

futy xx